Why the hell is it so hard being happy? I mean, isn’t that what people strive for? Happiness? So why is it such a struggle? Why is that we can work and work and work for our goals, but the happiness from achieving them fades away leaving us wanting more? These are questions that have been haunting me lately, and the more I dwell, the more my happiness fades away to leave a dull, gray residue behind, and that’s all I see anymore.
I had a bad night recently. Although I may have had one too many beers, I got depressed and began to think a tad irrationally. So I shut down my FB page. I shut down my FB Messenger. I almost posted my final blog post as well, but I fell asleep before I hit post, and now I can’t find the draft… So consider yourself lucky. 😉 I’m kidding! You’re not lucky!!!! Here you are, reading my randomness again! So there! 😛
In my last post I mentioned my loathing for apartment hunting. Sadly I have been too damn busy to even have the chance to find one! This only sets me back further as anything that was available for an August move in is sure to have been snatched up with nothing until September or October. Just my luck! I am trying to get out of here. I feel like a freeloader, hence my never really being around anymore. I’ll stay out late and grab wings and a beer at Hooters, or I’ll stay late at the park, or I’ll just do nothing really. I try to hide in the back room to avoid being in the way and attempt to lessen my feelings of being such a loser. Which yes, I am a loser. Such a loser of a loser. I’m pretty pathetic. I can’t help but feel worse and worse as each day passes. And though no one would claim that I am one, I still feel that way just the same. Anyone who knows me also knows I never intended to be in the situation I am currently in. If it weren’t for the heat, I’d still be in my car until I found a place.
Among other news, I signed back up for match.com. Yeah I know. Guess I like to torture myself. That must be it! First date was ok, then he started with the drama. Um, nope! Second date, that guy just wants fun. I have been propositioned via the match messenger more than I care to think about! I had a date Sunday that I thought went great, but then allegedly we were supposed to go out again tonight, but then he got his daughter. Which ok. That’s fine. I totally understand that. But at least have the decency to let me know ahead of time rather than allow me to sound like a nag until you finally tell me what the hell is going on. I don’t see it being that much to ask for. Really. Common courtesy is nice! Then there was another guy I was chatting with. Now I have been blown off by that one the same day. I am just really getting tired.
So yeah. Trying to date again sucks. I mean really? All you want to do is what? Um…no. Apartment hunting? That’s sucky too!!! Ugh! Just shoot me already!!! If I wanted to hook up I’d download tinder. Trust me. I have thought about trying it to see if you can actually score a date rather than a yeah. You guessed it.
Next week I will be in Denver. I know I am wiring stuff in the field. That’s about it. So I am going to stay through the following weekend in order to enjoy the area a bit. Maybe check out Garden of the Gods and some microbreweries over there. 🙂
So I am going to leave it at that and get some much needed sleep. Wish me luck, because I am about to throw my hands up and say I quit. Men are beginning to piss me off. If it wasn’t for the small amount of fun they can provide from time to time, I’d be done. So stupid and frustrating and exhausting! Anyway, have a good night! 😉
Fundraising event Friday night in Austin with me hanging out on stage with the drag queen. She was fabulous!!!!! 
Where is this guy?!?! Am I asking too much?!?!
Where I’d rather be right now…
And I can do a pull up now!!!!!!
Woohoo!!!!! So I rewarded myself with this!
Bonnie’s Beach 🏖 
You know what? You aren’t the only one who has been down, looking at the grey residue and murky waters and all the other crap going on in our wonderful world!! Maybe you just need to be around people that really love you, ever think of that? Hhhmmmm? You never know where mister right is going to pop up, and I don’t mean from what happens when you sit on a mans lap, get out of the cyber world and find a group thingy of some sort. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet a nice man in Denver. Then again, maybe after you date a few hundred guys from a dating site and you turn 50 years old the right match will finally show up.
When you believe you can be happy, you’re halfway there.
Love you
Btw, you have 3 very depressed fur babies here, they miss you too!
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I know they do. I’m trying to find a damn place so they can keep me company.
I love you, mom!
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Bonnie, I have found a really great dose of helpful stuff in the techniques of the ancient Stoics.
The stoics were all about being a joyful master of yourself in any circumstance.
They have some great mind hacks that put your life under your control and manage the suck-ness way better than anything I have tried before. In fact Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the most successful therapy method according to research, was essentially cut and pasted from Stoic thought.
Here, have a free week of the Stoic life:
Click to access stoic_week_2014_handbook.pdf
If you try it, look up “stoic meditations” on YouTube. Anything by Robertson is good.
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Oh, and “Stoic Week” is closed for the year. Next year it’s “Stoic Month.” So don’t try to fill out the information they ask for in the book.
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The people who wrote the key books weren’t airy-fairy types. One was a Roman Ruler (Marcus Aurelius), one was an ex-slave crippled by his master (Epictetus) and one was the right hand man to another Roman Emperor (Seneca).
Not. Average. People.
One modern stoic was a POW in a Vietnamese prison camp and he used Epectitus’ handbook as his way to make himself better before he left prison!
Not woo-woo. And it really works.
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