Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

So I have decided to grow up again, and my apartment hunt is on.  Although I was hoping to be back in the car in the winter, there has been this constant nagging in the back of my head to rejoin “normal” society.  Please shoot me.  Apartment hunting is just as bad as house hunting, and no, I am not going to buy a house.  I am sure that’s probably a stupid idea, but in my stupid mind I do NOT want to feel as though I am tied down. I don’t want the burden of owning my own home again.  I don’t want to be the one who has to replace the water heater when it goes out.  Lonely home ownership is not on my to-do list of uber responsibility.  That is far too much adulting for me!

If you’ve kept up with my random ramblings over the past few months, you know I am currently staying at my dad’s house over the summer so that my mini me has a place to stay while I am in limbo.  I figured it is time to make a choice. Like I said, it’s this nagging sensation.  Which is kinda funny to me in a way.  I believe I am decently normal.  I mean, the way that society sees me anyway.  I have an excellent job.  I go to the gym.  I pay my taxes.  I contribute to the economy.  I don’t have run-ins with the law.  I don’t do drugs (alcohol does not count).  All things a typical, run-of-the-mill citizen does right?  I am pretty frickin boring actually.  Wow!  I am totally boring!  

But boringness aside.  I have a pretty kick ass life.  To those who don’t know me at all, I am just another one of those people who blends in with all the others. Ok.  Maybe I don’t blend that well since I usually tower over most people I stand next to, but you get the point.   Since I began this weird, self-discovery journey thing, I have become more self aware of where I stand in the great chain of things. I know who I am.  I have a sarcastic sense of humor that not everyone understands. I know I can drive some people nuts with my weirdness.  I am driven to succeed in whatever path I choose.  I love to be outside.  As much as I enjoy being alone, it can also suck.  Sometimes I wish I had more friends, but that list just kind of shrinks more and more as I get older.  So that sort of sucks.  But anyway, enough about who I think I am.   Back to this whole stupid apartment hunt shit.  Ugh!  

So, searching for apartments has of course become “easier” since you can look online.  I did this for my last apartment.   Then you get a $200 gift card in the mail for using their locater and yadda yadda.   Well, I have come to find out just how picky one can be when it comes to apartment hunting.  I have a general idea of where I want to live, but it’s so expensive.  That is why the whole buying a house thing was mentioned earlier. It’s pretty much like making a house payment for something you don’t own.   But!  You get a pool and a balcony and landscaping and maintenance and noisy neighbors and maybe a gate and a basketball court and access to bike trails and convenience all rolled into it, so I think it’s worth it.  I just need to really decide how much I want to fork over every month for those amenities.  My safe price range puts me nearly into ghettoville.  Not that I couldn’t pay more, but it’s just ridiculous!  I would love to get a studio or efficiency, but those are just nonexistent outside of the downtown areas, or Irving.  Nope!  Not living in Irving.  I would just assume to avoid Dallas for the rest of my life, you know, except for the occasional kick ass concert or gathering with friends, maybe a Mavs or Stars game. Ok fine.  There’s a lot of cool stuff to do there.  I just refuse to live there.  I work in Fort Worth anyway, why would I want to live that far away?  So anyway, apartment hunting is becoming a nightmare.  I have dealt with Section 8 apartments.  They’re definitely in my price range!  But wait! What was that?  I make too much money as a single person.  Seriously?!?!  So nice to know that since I make more that I get to pay $200-300 more a month to live in a box.  Frustrating!  No wonder some people just give up on striving for more.  I mean, what’s the point?  The more you make the more you pay out the ass!  Sorry.  Thankfully I was brought up to work hard and be responsible for my own actions and their consequences.  It’s not easy, but oh well.  No one ever said life was going to be smooth sailing.  

But oh God this whole adulting thing is stressful.  I don’t want to act my age, but there are circumstances where it’s necessary to act like an adult.  I am a mom, and even that is difficult to be at times.  Maybe that came out wrong.  It’s not hard to be a mom, it’s hard to convey the image of being a mom around other moms.   Does that make sense? Most of my daughter’s friend’s mothers are about 10 years older than me.  Most have multiple children.  Some are super sweet, but the majority are seemingly materialistic and underlyingly catty.  Would I ever tell them I lived in my car for a few months?  Hell no!  Would I ever hang out with them voluntarily on a Friday night?  Probably not.  I may like nice shoes, but I don’t go out shopping, and I don’t care whose name is on a purse (which I don’t carry), and I don’t care about labels, and I don’t care that my car is dirty, and I just don’t care about that pointless crap.  It’s all just a façade.  It’s a projected image of status, and it is beyond me.  I know image is important.  That’s a given.  I’ll dress and act the part when needed, but I would prefer to just be myself.  It all comes down to perceptions.  How the hell did I get on this tangent?!  Holy crap I veered way off course.  I guess it’s been so long since my last post that I am just full of total randomness!!!!  It is spewing out like a really bad night out on the town that went south quickly!  Holy hell!

Anyway, I think I am just going to shut it down there!  I could probably blah blah blah for the rest of the day, and then you could just use this post as a sleep aid.  So with that, I am going to spend some time with my angel pie.  I hope you have a beautiful day!  Go make a memory, have an adventure, smile.  

Ciao for now!

-Bonnie