Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Time and a Half…

on June 2, 2022

Tick tick tick
It never seemed to stop
It never seemed to slow
Tick tick ticking away at her soul
All the coulda woulda shouldas
She couldn’t let them go
Rushing to and fro
Just a little longer then home
Here and there and everywhere
Her mind was over tasked
Another call another email
Always needing that time and a half
Just to scrape by
Always by the skin of her teeth
Never a restful moment
Always in need of sleep
And what was there to show
For all the years and dedication
Heartbreak debt and loneliness
Nothing to her name
Secret dreams of accidents
A settlement just one
For what’s a couple broken bones
When you could afford to have work done
Maybe just a broken leg
Walking in front of a car
With zero debt and zero fucks
You don’t have to walk very far
Or maybe just a simple trip
A long vacation you could say
A tumble down the stairs
A slight knocking of the skull
When you’re in a drug induced coma
How could her dreams be dull
But snapped back to reality
Tick tick tick and more
She quickly realized she was late
But rushed to finish more
Everyone who knows her
Is sure to understand
In this dog eat dog world
More work is just the cure
For who has time for fun
When you can’t even afford it
Enjoying life is overrated
At least that is what she thought
But too much stress
No happiness
Something’s sure to pop
That only drove her harder
Quickly climbing up that ladder
Up up up ever higher
Where she’d stop no one could know
But something in the back of her mind
Was getting ready to blow
For late nights there were uppers
Although they hardly worked anymore
For just a couple hours of sleep
Downers were the way to go
But emptiness and loneliness
Were always knocking at the door
Sometimes the sound would make her scream
So she’d work and work some more
To drown out thoughts of nothingness
And earn those dollar bills
Just to watch them disappear
Paying off debt and buying pills
Tick tick tick
As more time passes by
The pressure growing in her mind
Steadily on the rise
Sanity declines
At first there was some blurriness
Some things were out of focus
She brushed it off as if age was the culprit
Or maybe lack of sleep was all
If it was still there a day later
She would make a call
The fuzzy shapes would all subside
Life was back to normal
There wasn’t time for any check up
Work was due tomorrow
A headache here
A headache there
Nothing out of the ordinary
Some tingling in her fingers
She must have just slept funny
Tick tick tick
Typing talking always moving
Sometimes her neck felt stiff and sore
Must be her posture
More work more
The first to arrive
The last to leave
You’d think she was the company’s star
But all that work and overtime
Only earned her even more
Time behind her computer
Chained to the office floor
Ever working always harder
More work more
Then comes another headache
Right behind an eye
She wouldn’t let that stop her
She’d work until she’d die
Every day was blurry
Bleeding into the next
Weeks months years
More and more stress
Tick tick tick
Time was rushing fast
But she couldn’t change her ways
Her future was now her past
For one night she was working late
Alone and on her own
The life not lived had ceased to give
Another hint or warning
This pace was not maintainable
She’d be there until morning
The pain struck instantaneously
From inside her head
The pressure building up
Found a way around its dead end
Internally it flowed
Turning gray a darker hue
She tried to scream
Someone help me please
A gurgle was the best she could do
Slumping down
No control of limbs
Gravity was her master
Tick tick tick
Vision blurring ever faster
Time is of the essence now
Although now it didn’t matter
There’s no going back
To change a past
And oh there goes the bladder
One by one each organ
Struggled to maintain function
For the master switch had been flipped
As hemorrhaging took over
All the coulda would shouldas
Flashed by in record time
Would she still get paid for this
She obviously earned her overtime
A silly thought
It was her last
She couldn’t even laugh
Tick tick tick
The darkness settled in
So this is what it feels like
To finally feel at rest

-Bonnie


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