Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Jun 18

I Miss You…

by oceangrrrl

We all miss something or someone or some time or some place or some experience. There’s a hole somewhere. A place that can only be filled with memories or imagination. I know a lot of times I’ll say I miss being a kid. And it’s not that I can’t run around or go climb trees or explore, it’s just that I make excuses that I’m tired, I want to sleep in, that’s private property, I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t have time, my knee is acting iffy, etc. It’s sad that I somehow deny myself those simple, childish joys. I feel the urge to get out and do more, but it’s so nice just relaxing in the hammock with my book or sitting on the back porch with Sausage, whose favorite thing to do is relax:

That’s Sausage. I really need to leash train that little beast so I can drag her around with me in the great outdoors. I’ll let you know if that is even a possibility. 😂

But back to missing things.

So what has brought about this sort of laziness? I miss the never ending curiousness and energy I once had. I think once you get to my age it’s not that you’re old, but it’s more that you’re well aware time is actually pretty short. I’ll be thirty-eight this year, and yeah, I know, to some people that’s not old, that’s very true. I’m not old per se, but I am old enough to understand I’m not young anymore. I’m old enough to understand that life is short, and I need to spend time with the ones I love before time runs out. That also means I understand I have a limited amount of time to try things I’ve never done and enjoy things I love to do. Still, I don’t do them (not all of them anyway). And I know I’ll miss them if I let them slip away.

It is a curious thing to try to understand why these choices are made. It sort of circles back to my post about those super go go go people. It’s like they totally understand time is short and are doing everything they can to fill it. Then there are those people who really just don’t gaf. They let time go by and, well, maybe it doesn’t matter if they don’t care. Maybe that’s just one of the “keys” to getting through life happily (or just getting through it). You either understand and act upon squeezing as much life in as you can, or you go through life not caring so it doesn’t bother you? Am I an in-between-er? Is that even a category? Everything is categorized these days anyway, so I may as well stick a label on it right? But still, missing things. I keep missing my point here and drifting.

Missing things! I miss the youth I used to have. I miss the memory skills I used to have. I miss friends who were toxic to my life, and even though they were toxic, they were still a part of who I have become. I miss the family members in my life who are no longer with me. I miss the freedoms of being a kid and not having to adult. I miss summer vacations with cousins, and just being able to actually go on one. I miss the newness of experiences growing up. I miss you. I miss me.

So here I go with another balance spiel. I keep getting myself stuck in the past at times. I know this doesn’t do me any good. Reminiscing about the past only makes you sad. It makes you long for things that are no longer obtainable. Memories, good or bad, can have a negative affect the more you dwell on them. Even the good memories can make you begin to wish for them again and distract you from experiencing good things right in front of your face. This seems to be a recurring issue with me. Maybe it is with everyone? Maybe some people are just better at jumping back into reality before the past begins to take over their thoughts? Here I go again creating more questions and digging deeper into something without actually fixing it. But maybe that’s what I need to do to be a better me? Maybe this sort of inner reflection is what I need to see me more clearly? To realize that I don’t need to miss who I was? Maybe I need to see past the past, and take joy in who I am becoming? Back in the times that I miss, all those experiences have helped shaped me into me. They helped shape you into you. And do I miss your younger you? Do I miss your not-as-wise-as-you-are-now you? Not at all! So why should I dwell on missing the old me? Well, the younger me, really, but you know what I mean.

Maybe this post can help us both look forward to what we will become. Maybe that’s the key to motivation and living life to the fullest? And maybe you have to take the time to miss the past, because it helps you plan and get excited about the future? Obviously I can’t answer that, but I think I’m pretty good at the introspection part of it all. So, me and balance. Gotta find the balance. Gotta enjoy the now. The past is done. It can’t be changed, and even if it hurts, it’s still there. The past can teach us so many lessons if we choose to learn from it, but it can also rip us apart and drag us down to live it over and over again and miss our now. Our own sort of Hell if you will.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Plus I’ve noticed my posts are sort of boring lately. I keep doing this look inward thing, and I can only imagine how exciting it is to continuously turn the mirror back at myself/yourself whatever. I’ll post something upbeat again soon I promise! It’s almost my mini-me’s 17th (yeah OMG!) birthday, and there are some good time’s ahead! Oh! I got to see the Alamo for the first time and cruise San Antonio’s river walk a little bit this past weekend! Yeah. I know. I live in Texas and hadn’t seen any of that yet. It’s a big state dammit!!! I’ve been pretty blessed to see some other things in my life that many will never see, so I’m just checking off some sites from my to-see list! I’m sure there will be some more San Antonio exploring and some river floating in my near future. Maybe even some peace and quiet and relaxation. I’ll let you know! Til then, ciao!

-Bonnie

Oh yeah! I’m getting more work done on a tattoo piece that I am so looking forward to getting done!!! So excited!!!!!!

Volleyball time with my mini and her bestie! Oh summer days and sunshine!!!!

Uncategorized

1 Comment »
Jun 10

Sometimes I Feel Lost…

by oceangrrrl

There are times in my life where I feel as though my ship has drifted off its course. There are times when I feel like the universe has aligned the planets just for me. When things fall into place, I feel as though I am on top of the world. It’s like a bow-of-the-Titanic sort of feeling. Well, prior to the whole iceberg thing, but you know what I’m saying. So when things aren’t going the way they “should”, it’s frustrating as all hell. Like why? Whyyyyyyyyyy??????? Why can’t things continuously go with the flow?? What did I do to fuck all of this up???? Why is the universe/God/existence/karma/whatever trying to punish me? What in the world could I have gotten so wrong?

It’s funny. Life does NOT work out according to plan. Ok. According to MY plan. But still. It’s MY life dammit! Every time I think things are going the way I planned them to, they are upended by life. Things change. Circumstances change. The universe feels I should be moving in a completely different direction from where I am currently headed. It gets frustrating. Some of you may totally understand what I am trying to convey. Some of you will say this life is not really ours, it belongs to God or god or whomever. Some will say this isn’t even real anyway. Everyone has an idea or a lesson or an experience that helps them answer this question to themselves, and it’s amazing how most everyone believes their views are the correct ones. But! That’s a discussion for a different time. When that one comes up I’ll throw in some money and politics for fun! Hahaha!!!

Anyway. Back to being derailed by the powers and energies that be. We all know life has its ups and downs. People are born. People die. There are miracles. There are disasters. It all comes back around to the balance of it all. Something any of my sadist blog readers know I am a huge believer of. You can’t have highs without lows. And you can’t appreciate those highs without being brought to your knees. It’s a vicious cycle that all you can do is learn to prepare for. And even in that there lies a balance. Spend too much time preparing for the worst, and you won’t get to enjoy the best. Worrying too much about the future takes the experience away from the now. Remaining stuck in the past keeps you from applying those past lessons to your future. And on and on and on it goes. It only stops when we’re dead, I guess.

And here I go again not really answering anything at all. I continue to have my crazy highs and lows in life, and just when I get comfortable the universe says move along there’s nothing to see here anymore. Gee thanks a billion! I really need to work on my worrying though! I’m really good about stressing myself out the instant I feel I need to fix whatever just happened. So I jump on the problem and freak the fuck out and stress myself out. Thankfully I have people in my life who know what to say to get me to be in the moment, take a deep breath, and realize I’ve got this. Stop worrying about the things I can’t control. Do what is in my power and roll along with what is thrown at me. Sometimes you have to duck and dodge. Sometimes you have to block. Sometimes you just have to take it. Sometimes you have to throw something back. But nothing sharp though! We don’t want to gouge anything! It’s always fun and games until someone loses an eye!

Well, I hope I succeeded in getting the wheels turning and the gears grinding and not answering any questions I asked myself. Eh. It happens. Keep living and loving life as best you can. Remember, you got this!

-Bonnie

Sometimes the simplest views are where all the beauty goes to show off. All about the little things… 😊

Uncategorized

4 Comments »
May 25

Be Like Sausage…

by oceangrrrl

As I sit outside on my back porch, drinking my hot toddy while watching my fat cat attempt to catch the June bugs that are beginning to come out, I get to enjoy the warm evening air and the chance to think a bit. It’s true, what they say, life is a precious gift. It’s definitely not something I want to waste, but I also know I have spent many wasteful moments. I guess it’s part of the learning process, and you’re never done learning. I don’t want to be at the end of my days longing for all the wasted time. All those wasted hours that I could have been doing something more than what I did.

I love those infectious people with the unquenchable thirst for adventure and living. You know the ones. They always seem to have energy and go go go every day, and you wonder how they do it. I know I do! I wish I had that energy! That unfulfilled yearning to do everything possible! The want to constantly be on the move. Hell! Even the capability of being constantly on the move. How do they do it? They make it look so easy. So fluid. So natural. Like there’s no other way to be alive. I wish I had that passion and that drive and that ambition. How does one go about getting those things?

There are plenty of motivators out there in the world. There are people whose callings in life are helping others with finding theirs. There are places that inspire greatness. There are experiences that excite the soul to be more. To become more. And yet, how do we even run across these things? We’ll use me as an example. Here goes. So, I love to make people happy. I love seeing and being the cause for people to smile and laugh and for a second, forget whatever makes them unhappy. But that’s not my job. I don’t do that for a living. Part of what I enjoy about my job is that I get the opportunity to make the people I work with smile and laugh from time to time. But that can take work too. There are days when I am far far far, extremely fucking far from my usual, sunshiny self. There are days when I can’t even bring myself to smile, and those days make me feel even more terrible. Because, like I mentioned, I love making other people laugh and smile. And yes. I know I can’t be happy ALL the damn time, but it’s so defeating when I can’t even muster a smile for myself.

So how do these people do it? Are they just that good at hiding any emotion other than happiness? Are they seriously like this EVERY SINGLE DAY?! You hear that happiness is a choice. I mean, I’ve read it somewhere. It is. Definitely. But it’s a hard choice to make every day upon waking. There has to be a conscious effort, right? Sometimes the universe can throw some serious shit your way! Sometimes it feels impossible to be happy. But you know what? That’s ok. We don’t have to be happy ALL the fucking time. We are human. We can have bad days. It doesn’t make it any easier for those of us who would much rather be happy, but we are allowed to be imperfect and mopey and blah.

OK. I’ll stop there, because now it just sounds like I’m on some crazy, emotional rant about being human. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m tired of having to work at being happy. It’s not that I’m unhappy. I truly am happy! Just some days are so much easier than others. And there’s got to be a secret. Those go go go people have to have something figured out, and I just wish I knew what it was. Sometimes I wish I was like my cat Sausage. She’s a cat. I know. But I could learn a couple things from her. She’s fat and yet still active, and she couldn’t care less that she’s a tad grande. She lets her true intelligence shine through, and she may poop on the floor, but does she care what I think? Nope. Sausage does NOT care about the opinions of others! She definitely enjoys her cat food, but she will only eat solid white albacore tuna as a treat! So she obviously eats fine and indulges from time to time. I think I have that one down! Yay! Let’s see, what else. She sticks close to her family and does her best to “protect” us when an unknown comes to the door. By protect I mean she growls. Like actually growls. That is the extent of her guardcat status though. Because she runs away as soon as she sees the unknown. At least she lets me know when someone is walking up to the door. I mean, that’s pretty cool. She proves her loyalty and love to me every day. She may not cuddle with me, but she’s always there. She waits for me outside the shower. She lays at my feet at night. She lays at my feet on the couch. She hangs out near the kitchen when I cook. I mean. Such a simple life. Not a worry in the world! Well, ok. One worry. If the food bowl shows any sign of bowl at the bottom it’s panic mode time.

But seriously. I should be more like Sausage. Why worry about what others think? Why worry about anything more than if I have food and water and love? Basic necessities for all creatures. We humans just found ways to make it more and more complicated. I need to be more grateful for the things I have. For the limited time I have. For moments I shouldn’t have to worry about wasting, because they weren’t wasted. For the rare love that happens in life as a second chance. For the smiles I see on other people’s faces and the ones out in mine. Maybe that’s the secret. Until I know for sure I’ll just have to see what happens next and not waste my time. Until next time! 😉

-Bonnie 💙

Sausage. Be like her. 😊

She’s squishy!

Uncategorized

3 Comments »
May 16

Let Me (Re)Introduce Myself…

by oceangrrrl

Hi!

My name is Bonnie. I am a lover of the ocean, the mountains, the desserts, the forests, the grasslands, you name it! I am a bit of a sun whore who will probably end up dying from it (I know, terrible). I love food! I love cooking food! I love eating food! I love reading and writing and painting and speed skating and stand up paddling and climbing and hiking and drinking and challenges and cryptograms and making people smile and my daughter and my mom and family and friends who are family and friends who are friends. I realized this list could go on for far too long, so I’ll just stop there. But I’m pretty sure you get the idea. I do and love and enjoy a lot of things in life!

I am a believer in balance. I don’t necessarily follow any religions, but I do have my beliefs. I was raised Christian, and grew up going to small (like seriously teeny tiny) Christian schools until high school. Lemme tell ya! That was a shock to the system! I had never seen a locker before! No joke! My classes had maybe up to 21 people in them. Then I go to a school where I have to change rooms, and there are 300+ fellow classmates. It was strange not knowing everyone in my class or classes or anything. This was the end of my innocence for sure!!!

So, graduated high school with honors. Failed at my first attempt at college. Joined the Army. Got out of that early (story for another time). Married. Child. Divorced. Single mom. School from time to time. Married. Moved to Hawaii. Moved back to Texas. Divorced. Single mom. Child moved in with her dad. Alone. Stupid boyfriends. Lived in car. Lost friends. Moved into apartment. Really stupid boyfriend. Child moves back in. No more stupid boyfriend. Finally earned my AAS degree! Moved with child. Single mom again. Awesome boyfriend who was my first love from high school!!! Not joking!!! Thought he was dead honestly. 20 year HS reunion had me Google his name. There he was. Messaged him on FB. He messaged back. C’est la vie! Due to his request for privacy, I won’t be writing much directly about him. That’s about all you’re getting for now. 😉

Life is crazy for sure!!!!!

So, hi everyone! Even people who know me probably don’t know all of that, and it’s fun to share my randomness. I think that’s part of being human, passing down stories in general. Not that knowing more about me will do your life really any good, but it’ll help give you a base for any of my future posts. I had mentioned I believe in balance. That is a very huge part of who I am. Future posts will probably involve the misadventures of me trying to find my balance. I will do my best not to bore you, and fair warning: I have a crude sense of humor, and I swear a lot at times (especially if I’ve had a couple of adult beverages before I decide to write, or during, whatever), and I just want to make sure you know that before you get sucked in.

With that, I will try to get on here and write more often. This will be a sort of therapy for me like journaling. I may be brutally honest in some posts. Others might be pretty meh. The future holds so much adventure that I can’t wait to share with you!!!! Let’s see where we go!

-Bonnie 💙

That is my mini me. Life would be boring without her!!!! Love my amazing Angel Pie!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙

Yes. I do realize that is missing an “a”.

Uncategorized

7 Comments »
Mar 28

It’s a Little Bit Funny…

by oceangrrrl

…this feeling inside. But seriously though, isn’t it?

I’ve had a lot of changes in my life over the past few months. None of them bad, that I can recall. I have been anointed with amazing luck at this point in my life. All of it unexpected. All of it amazing!

I would go into more detail, but it’s not quite the right time yet to discuss everything. As much as I have ranted in the past and discussed personal matters, I am trying to conduct myself in a perceptively more mature way. What I will tell you though, is that the heart is an amazing muscle!!!! Don’t ever underestimate it! I say this to you as much as I say it to myself. It has helped me survive over the years, and even when I think it couldn’t break any further, it continues to beat and to thrive. I’ve always promoted loving with all you have. Sometimes that is extremely difficult to do, but what’s the point of life if you don’t love it?

During spring break a couple of weeks ago, I took my amazing mini me, aka Angel Pie, camping for a couple of nights. She and I had never done that as just the two of us. We organized all the camping stuff, grabbed my two tents (we weren’t sure which one we’d have to use), the hammocks, the sleeping bags, all that fun stuff! This had to have been the most organized camping trip ever! We stopped at the store on the way out to Mineral Wells State Park. Living in Fort Worth, Mineral Wells always seemed so damn far away! I pulled up Waze, and MWSP was only 35 minutes from where I currently live. We were almost disappointed how close it was!

They had one spot available when I had gotten online to reserve the spot, and it was only for one night. We were at the rv portion. Which was totally fine. We had no one across from us, no one near us, and it was awesome! We got there early to set up our site and then went out looking for a place to hike and check out for the afternoon. They have climbing there!!!! We decided to free climb around the area. Lots of really cool spots to climb up and down and get into precarious situations. It was a blast!!!!! That evening we get back to the site, ride our longboards around the camp circle (which was perfect from where we were at since it was mostly downhill), and we got the hammocks hung up and the fire going. It was a beautiful night!!!!

The next day we knew we had to pack up, which sucked, because we really want d to stay another night. No open spots for the second night and no cancelled reservations. Bummer! But!!!! They had primitive camping available. We have never done this, mind you. We have never hiked out to camp. Ever! So, we decided to just go for it! Why not?! Let’s just say we fell in love!!! Yes. It was just one night, but it was greatness!!! We filled up my Camelbak, grabbed a snack, bungee corded the crap out of our hammocks and sleeping bags, took the couple of essentials just in case, and headed out. Now, we were exhausted from spending the day climbing and hiking, and we decided to hike some more. We got to our spot, hung up the hammocks, and were worn the fuck out. We basically relaxed the rest of the evening.

The fun part of this is how you don’t realize how cold it can get sleeping in a hammock. Our first night was in a tent, on the ground, with mats under us. I hadn’t planned on sleeping in my hammock at all, so I never packed up my over quilt. Never crossed my mind! I woke up in the middle of the night to my mini me asking me for my sweatshirt. I informed her I was currently wearing it, and I suggested she join me in my hammock (thankfully I have a double and a couple singles, I brought the double, whew). The hammock sleeping was super comfy until then. But it was much warmer!!! Still had a blast!!!

We waited the next morning until the other campers packed up and headed out. We wanted to be lazy and enjoy our time out there. It was amazing! We had a nice little hike back, got some coffee at the camp store, and went out climbing one last time. We were so tired and worn out, but we had so much fun! We met and climbed around with a family that we met out there. Super sweet people!

What a great short trip we had!!! Even though we weren’t far from home, it made us want to do more. So now we hope to start camping over the weekends when we can and when the weather will hopefully be nice. We probably need to practice a bit more before we do any crappy weather camping. Just sayin.

Anyway, I thought that would be fun to share with you. I hope you have an amazing weekend enjoying whatever it is you enjoy doing.

Love,

Bonnie

Me and the mini on the first day!

Awesome pic the mini got! These smelled absolutely amazing!!!!!

The view was incredible!!

We had a blast taking photos on the rocks!

Our campsite the first night. Didn’t have the hammocks up yet.

Sunset on the first night was gorgeous!!

Fun selfie the first night! Flash was a tad bright…

Our second night spent in the hammocks this time. This was out at our primitive spot.

Fun little pose on our last day. Love that girl!!!

My mini is pretty awesome!!

Quick video of the lake. It was so peaceful out there!!!

Uncategorized

2 Comments »
Sep 24

I am NOT a Fucking, Crazy, Cat Woman!!!

by oceangrrrl

Seriously though, this is fucking irritating when it is brought up!  Basic conversation goes something like this:

“I have three cats,”

“You have THREE CATS?!”

“Well, I had two, but my mom didn’t want the one she had, because her dog keeps trying to eat it, and now the cat won’t come out anymore.  So my mom says she won’t get rid of the dog, and I need to get the cat. No biggie.”

“You’re becoming a crazy cat lady!”

Chuckle. Chuckle. Chuckle. 

Yeah.  Real fucking funny, dickwad. 

People don’t always know the back story to why people are a certain way or why they have the pets they do.  Maybe I am a tad crazy, and my cats remind me of this everyday.  They remind me that what I thought was going to be a happily ever after turned out to be singly ever after instead.  And who got left with the cats?  I did. Me. I wasn’t heartless enough to leave them behind with some loser. They weren’t man enough to take their pet with them. Reminders.  That’s what they are. Every. Single. Day.  

Pets are family, and they are usually brought into homes to extend the family already there.  They are symbols of happiness and love and whatever else people want to make them to be.  Sometimes they are companions when you are living alone.  Sometimes they are the children you can’t have.  Sometimes they are the friends you need to unload all your problems on, because they won’t give you shitty advice or give you those what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-with-your-pathetic-life looks.  Maybe a weird facial expression filled with confusion, but they don’t judge you. They listen and then want to be petted, or they want to curl up in your lap, or they just want to poop on your shoulder, or maybe they just want to munch on some lettuce or swim in circles.  Swimming unjudgingly.  

I’m not trying to sound all whiny or anything, because not everyone knows how the words they speak affect others.  I’m sure I have offended countless others by the things that have rolled off my tongue.  Only after they come spewing out do I realize that what I just said might be taken entirely wrong.  I am a sensitive person. I am easily affected by the words of others.  I try to be as rubbery as I can, but some people can just be dicks with their choice of words.  We all know this.  When I am not in a shitty mood, I can take it, and I can dish t right back, but there are those days when seemingly everyone sucks ass.  

But back to the reminders that pets are…

I sort of took a left turn to nowhere back there.  Whoops.  

Anyway, reminders.  Almost forgot. 😉

I love my cats.  I don’t really see them as the horrible reminders that they truly are.  They are there to pure me asleep (and awake, little assholes), and they take every opportunity to be right in my face when I am trying to wash it or put makeup on (assholish thing to do…), and they talk to me every chance they get (usually for food, attention or just to be annoying assholes at 3am), and they are always there to cuddle with me (I love picking them up and squeezing the shit out of them. I get to be an asshole too).  Sometimes I do feel like they hold me back.  I wish I could live in my car again.  I really do.  It was nice to have such a change from reality.  It took me out of my comfort zone.  It forced me to get out and do more.  Now I just feel like I do nothing. 

At least I have my three cats with me when I am home to help make me feel less crazy.  🐈

-Bonnie

This is Harley, because she purrs like one. She’s the re-addition and was originally 2 of 3.  

This is Sausage, because she is fat.  3 of 3. 

This is Cali Lily. She was adopted inHawaii on Kauai.  First of three. 

Uncategorized

4 Comments »
Jun 12

Thoughts About Weddings…

by oceangrrrl

Weddings.  Some people love them, others hate them.  Everyone has their own personal opinion about them.  Just today I was about to go on a hike, when a guy who just came back from doing it started talking to me.  When I told him I was in town from Texas for a friend’s wedding, his opinion came right on out!  He said they were depressing.  And I completely understood what he meant!  He was proud of being 35 and never getting married, and he never planned on it. To each his own.  

Being through two of them myself and attending others, I see weddings from many different angles now. When you’re young and the idea of getting married is bright and shiny and new, you are blinded quite a bit!  It’s like a polished, chrome bumper catching the sun just right and flashing pure white light into your eyes.  The longer you wait to get married, the more you begin seeing why weddings can be a sad affair. To attend one you feel love and support for the couple, but deep down there is almost a knowing fear of what the future most likely holds.  So many marriages fall apart, and it’s a rare blessing to be part of weddings where the couple truly works to keep it going until death.  

This weekend, one of my very close and dear friends/Army bud is getting married for the second time.  I have not yet met his fiancé, but we know each other via FB (Facebook).  I am so happy he has met his match, and I am so looking forward to meeting his better half tomorrow!  I don’t know her past, and I have no idea if she has been married before, but I have nothing but love for these two people!   Bare, my friend, is like family to me.  My friend list may be shorter than most people’s, but there are very few people I would drive over five hours for, let alone 10.  He’s one of them. Trust me.  Very short list. 

So tomorrow, when I am attending the wedding of a very special and wonderful friend I have know for years, and I hear him say his vows, and I watch him and his bride walk down the aisle together, and I see them dancing at their reception, I will be so filled with love and joy, that there won’t even be any room for the painful memories still gripping me from time to time. 

All hope. All love.  All happiness.  Eternally.  

Love you Bare and Jessica.  

-Bonnie

 Me and Bare 

Uncategorized

3 Comments »
May 14

Just Another Day Not In Paradise…

by oceangrrrl

Living in Texas you know that Spring brings with it rain and storms and tornados and lots of wind.  We have been going through a pretty bad drought the last few years, and lake levels had been getting lower and lower and well, you get my point.  This Spring has brought so much rain that lakes are finally reaching and surpassing their normal levels!!!  Yay!!!!  But it keeps raining.  There are still clouds and gray skies and storms and uck!  I’m not complaining, we need all this rain, but come on.  Let us have some sunshiney days already!  Again, not complaining.  My mood just enjoys the sunshine a hell of a lot more than the dull gray that has been looming.  :-/

Spring also brings with it baseball season!!!!  Woohoo!!!!  I love going back to baseball games, and of course my favorite team is the Rangers!!!!  I’ve been to three games so far with a fourth one planned two weeks from today.  Heck!  I might go to another one next week for shits and giggles!!!  My game attendance doesn’t even compare to my best friend’s who has been to at least six or seven games so far.  Heck!  Two this week alone!  So much fun!!!!

Finally picked my bike up from the shop this week after leaving it there for a tune up and new cables nearly three months ago!  Took it out for a nice spin on Tuesday!  It was actually cold out!  Ok.  So not really cold per se, but it felt cold enough!  I think it was around 71 or something.  I know I know!  Not cold!  But this is someone who has already adjusted to the warmer temps of the upper eighties dammit!  Holy F!  The sun is shining right now!!  Please stick around!!!!!  

Anyway, as I had mentioned before, I decided against renting that room to instead opt for living with my parents.  Not something I am proud of, but it’s far too hot in the car at night, and it is what it is.  I enjoy getting to spend the extra time with family.  There’s only so much time you get with them in this one shot at life.  🙂  I am lucky that I live so close by.  An hour drive is really nothing when I think about the 7 hour flights from Hawaii to get back to the mainland to see everyone.  But I do miss living in paradise.  Every.  Single.  Day.  And one of these years I will get back out there!  Not just to visit, although I do plan on hopefully taking the mini me out there next summer.  She misses it too.  Now that she’s a few years older we can do more hiking and snorkeling and stuff like that.  I’m excited!  A year away, but it’s something to definitely look forward to!

Today work had a luncheon for a girl who is moving on to bigger and better things.  There was even money put into a gift card for her!  I was asked if I would like to contribute.  Nope! Was I going to the luncheon?  Nope!  Do I really give a shit?  Nope!  Do I even like this girl?  Nope!  Let’s just say she said some rude things about me thinking I wasn’t there to overhear.  She’s not on my favorites list.  Fake!  So I am happily sitting outside in my car, alone, and enjoying hearing the birds sing and writing on my blog.  I could be taking a nap, but this seems far more productive.  🙂

Anyway, I just thought I would write a quick blurb today of randomness.  Daydreaming about baseball and beer and paradise. Also dreaming about the puddles drying the F up so that I can get my skate on again!!!!!  This is just ridiculous!  Alright!  Enjoy your day and your week!  Ciao for now!

-Bonnie

Thinking about getting one of these.  Thoughts?  Would love to hear them!

   
 

   
 Got these about a week and a half ago!  Stupid Fitbit left marks on my wrist, but oh well.  

   
 

And here are some random funnies!

   
       

Uncategorized

12 Comments »
Apr 14

Of Mice And Men And The Universe?

by oceangrrrl

So this should be a quick post tonight.  I was messaging with a coworker today when an ex boyfriend of mine logged onto the Skype world.  He and I have always kept in touch, and I couldn’t be happier for him as he just recently remarried. He and his new wife just got back from an amazing vacation.  I mean, it looked pretty damn amazing from all the Facebook posts!  So of course I send him a hello and how are you.  I find out he just recently bought a lake house that he is fixing up and yadda yadda yadda.  Ok. I’m fucking thrilled for you dude!  Now this is where my mind started wandering…

So the wheels are turning.  You’ll get that in a second.  And I am totally going to copy and paste it here, because I’m lazy like that!  😛

why do I continue to be with losers when I have dated nice guys in the past?

[10:18:27 AM] Bonnie Campbell: like, seriously

[10:18:34 AM] Bonnie Campbell: what the F is wrong with me?

[10:18:48 AM] Bonnie Campbell: so then ugly girls get the geeky guys and they buy a lake house and go on vacations

[10:18:52 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and here I am homeless

[10:18:59 AM] Bonnie Campbell:  and yet somehow people envy my lifestyle

[10:19:06 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I don’f effing get it sometimes

[10:19:31 AM] Bonnie Campbell: this world makes absolutely no sense

[10:19:54 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I just don’t understand

[10:20:08 AM] José E: well see now you know you are not ugly

[10:20:19 AM] Bonnie Campbell: ok

[10:20:21 AM] Bonnie Campbell: so I am not ugly

[10:20:28 AM] Bonnie Campbell: doesn’t necessarily mean I think I am pretty

[10:20:36 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I am ok

[10:20:42 AM] José E: who knows, i don’t worry anymore

[10:20:44 AM] Bonnie Campbell: kind of

[10:20:53 AM] Bonnie Campbell: well, I don’t worry about it

[10:20:59 AM] Bonnie Campbell: but it’s still just like, WTF?

[10:21:12 AM] José E: i know

[10:21:13 AM] Bonnie Campbell: baffling

[10:21:43 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I know things happen for a reason, I mean, we somehow find a way to apply some meaning as to why something happened to make us feel better about it, but still

[10:22:03 AM] Bonnie Campbell: the universe is like a big experiment

[10:22:22 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and we are all just individual mice in a maze trying to find cheese

[10:22:30 AM] José E: we are the experiment not the universe

[10:22:40 AM] José E: yes

[10:22:57 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and some of us can smell it, but we can’t seem to locate it because our brains are wired differently and we just get confused and then we’re lost and running in circles because that’s at least something we can do

[10:23:18 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I think I just figured out the universe

[10:23:26 AM] Bonnie Campbell: using mice and cheese analogies

[10:23:31 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I should blog about this


So there you have it!!!!  Life is just one big experiment!!!  We all go searching for our cheese, no matter what that cheese symbolizes, and we are always searching.  Always!  We never seem to be satisfied, and I think that is just the hardest part of it all.  Being happy with who we are and what we have.  


I watched a movie a couple weeks ago, and a couple things really stuck with me. First off it was “Into The Wild.”  An amazing and depressing movie.  The main character reminded me of myself a bit, although I am not nearly as selfish as he was.  But when he finally gets to end of his journey he writes something down that continues to haunt me.  “Happines is only real when shared.”  I am at the point in my adventure where I am enjoying being alone, because it lets me discover myself more. This is also a bit frightening, because I don’t want to be alone forever.  I enjoy spending time with people.  I mean, people who are genuine and don’t drive me nuts, but you get what I’m saying.  So now I need to be concerned about too much alone time.  Damn this balance thing sometimes!!!!  It’s ok.  I’ll handle it.  I will continue to find my balance until I can find someone who’s worth being unbalanced for.  For now, it’s my time to find me and be a better person for my daughter and family and friends.  Oh to be a mouse!


Good night dear reader.  Sweet dreams and love and harmony and cheese.   🙂


-Bonnie

   

       

Uncategorized

4 Comments »
Dec 28

I’m Sorry.

by oceangrrrl

So it’s been a while since I’ve written, and I have received some major grief about it. You know who you are! 😉 It actually makes me feel pretty good knowing my friends and family kinda miss me. So I suppose I have a lot of writing to do today in order to get everything caught up. Here goes.

I left off on December 14th, in San Francisco. I had gotten to my beach, driven over the Golden Gate and checked into my hotel in Pleasanton. It was a pretty awesome day! The next morning I had a horn demo to do for work. I had never done one. Just so you know what the heck I am talking about, the company I work for designs and installs quiet zones and wayside horn systems (only one of many things they do). Basically it’s a horn that is aimed directly toward road traffic to sound for the train as it approaches a crossing. This directs the sound of the horn blowing to the vehicles needing to stop, rather than having the train blow his horn as he comes into town, generally blasting homes and businesses with a high number of decibels and plain old noise. So this takes some coordination with the railroads and towns and contractors. I was a bit nervous to say the least, but it turned out to be an amazing experience. Not only did I get to meet and work with some great people, it was incredible seeing the people who lived in the town come out to hear the demo. It was greatness! And I totally understand! I lived pretty much under an airport, and you get used to that, no problem, but I couldn’t imagine trying to live next to a set of tracks hearing that train horn multiple times a day. I have been miles away and could still hear that damn whistle. It’s faint, but it’s still there.

Anyway, enough about that. I was told I needed to stay through that Tuesday. The demo was on Monday. I had nothing to do that next day. I asked my boss what he wanted me to do. His response was to have fun. My idea of fun was driving to San Jose. I was excited. I had never been there! The buildings were quite pretty, but I’m a sucker for those lovely, blue windows. This city looked nice. I should have a good time here right? Wrong! What the F was I thinking?! San Jose sucked!!!! After walking around to grab something to eat and explore the city a bit, let’s just say I was less than impressed. What a shit hole! I would have been better off sleeping in and watching a movie. So I decided to drive back up to San Fran! At least there are things to do there. Besides, I was hungry! Really effing hungry!

On my way up to SF, I got to drive by the ballpark. I should have stopped, but I was on a mission for sustenance. I made it back over to Pier 39. At the end of the pier was a sushi place! Mouth was a watering! I ordered up some sushi, a bottle of nigori sake, and enjoyed my view overlooking the bay. It was quite nice. After perusing the shops on the pier, I decided to head back over to Pleasanton. I had a super early flight the next morning, and I needed to get back to pack and get some sleep. Everyone else seemed to want to leave the city too! At the same, effing, time!!!!!! Awesome!!! I will never live in a big city unless I never plan to drive out of it! Ridiculous!!! I was engulfed in stupidity, and I couldn’t get out!!!!!! I was talking to my mom on the phone, hands free of course, and she got to hear the frustration. Sorry mom. It was like being thrown into some lawless, Mad Max society, where no traffic laws truly existed and the only way to get out was to just be a jerk driver. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em! So I did! Took me two hours to get back to the hotel. Two. Hours!!!!!!!! It was only supposed to be a 45 minute drive. It could have been worse, I know, but still. Stupid!

So blah blah blah, I flew back home, worked a couple hours that day. Worked all day Thursday. Dentist appointment on Friday. Missed the company Christmas party due to being on Vicodin and recovering from twilight anesthesia. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of dentists. After having multiple teeth pulled as a child and years of bad braces experience, I get nervous. I don’t do well with hands and needles and drills in my mouth, so it’s either nitrous or twilight. I prefer the twilight. I don’t want to know what’s going on. I can’t cry if I’m oblivious. Seriously. I don’t cry cry. Just the tear streaming thing. Like crying when I’m super mad. I can’t help it. I know I’m fine, but they just start flowing. I’m prepared for that whole zombie apocalypse, bring it on. But any dental work will have to be done after someone hits me over the head with a rock or something. So now you know my anxiety caused by dentistry. Yea!!!!

This brings us up to the week of Christmas. My birthday is two days before that. I get taken out for my birthday on Monday by my dad and second mom and my mini-me and her step-brother. It was a good evening. Had some great Mexican food at Los Asaderos. I had never eaten there, and I must say it was quite delicious. Those were some good margaritas! We headed back to their house for an early Christmas. They weren’t going to be in town and wanted to give gifts early, and it was a great feeling getting to unload the gift I had bought two months prior for my stepmom. Finally!!! Yea!!!!!!!!! My dad will get his after he gets back from Missouri. He wouldn’t have been able to put it to good use before heading out of town anyway. Went to work the next day (my b-day) and had a birthday lunch with my buddy José and wiring mentor, Tina (she taught me how to wire and read prints and a lot of other cool things). Hadn’t seen her in a long time, so that was pretty awesome! Got back to the office to see that they decided to close at noon. Noon! There goes my getting stuff out that day. Oh well. I have next week. It was still a good day though. Got to drag my munchkin with me to the office. Got some great b-day calls. Drove down to my mom’s for birthday lasagna made by mom, and pumpkin bread and cream cheese icing made from scratch by my sister. Mmmmmmmmm… One of my best friends drove an hour to give me my birthday gift on my birthday. So that made my b-day even better! All in all, I had a great day!!!!!!

So Christmas was a day away. I needed to do some last second shopping and run a couple errands. My big Christmas gift to myself was getting in touch with my old trainer and meeting up with him. I’ll be starting my training after the new year with a new trainer named Kyle. My old one is now a club manager and no longer trains others. 😦
The past couple of years I have been going downhill. I sit in front of a computer at work, pretty much all day, and I am so tired from doing nothing, that I pretty much stick with that routine for the rest of the day. It’s almost as if I’d lost my zest for living. The lazier I got, the less I wanted to get out and do the things I loved. It’s gotten to the point where I have shut out most of the outside world. Not a good place to be. I may not like being around people very much, but I need to spend time with friends and family and get out. Yes. I have gotten to travel and get out and explore, but it’s been alone. It’s lonely trying to have fun by yourself. I am no social butterfly, and I have no problem eating out or having a drink at a bar alone, but it’s always nice being able to share experiences with others. If I keep it up, this blog may be the only way I’ll really share anything anymore. Pretty pathetic, huh? On top of all that, numerous studies show you can extend your life by having a good sense of community and friendships with others. Then I get overwhelmed trying to find a group to join to maybe at least make some buddies and get out more. It’s stupid! Anyway, enough about my ridiculous self-pity moments. It’s a vicious cycle!

My mom’s Christmas gift was Italian beef ordered from Portillo’s in Chicago, and damn that was good!!!! Madi had never had an Italian beef sandwich before. My sister had never experienced Portillo’s. That was some damn good food!!!!! I think we started a new holiday tradition!!! I am totally down with it! Screw traditional dinner! Portillo’s!!!! Yeah!!!!!

So now I bring you up to today. A cold front came through. It be chilly! Still hanging at my mom’s. We are going to make it a movie day and head out this afternoon, but for now we’re all just lounging around. It’s nice. Cali is keeping my toes warm. 🙂 Harley is keeping the mini-me warm. Baby Kitty is off somewhere being her ADD self. Trust me. She is the most easily distracted creature I have ever seen! I love my hairy kids, and I love the half version of me currently sitting in the living room. 🙂

I won’t be in my car for a while. I’ll be adding a bunch of miles this week to it, but there won’t be much sleeping in it until mid January. I’ll continue writing and attempting to keep you entertained. I hope everyone had a great Christmas with their loved ones!! I’ll talk to you soon! Ciao!

-B

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/36f/78293105/files/2014/12/img_5972.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/36f/78293105/files/2014/12/img_5974.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/36f/78293105/files/2014/12/img_5973.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/36f/78293105/files/2014/12/img_5976.jpg

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/36f/78293105/files/2014/12/img_5980.jpg

Uncategorized

Leave a comment »
«Older Entries
Newer Entries »
Blog at WordPress.com.