Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

It’s a Little Bit Funny…

…this feeling inside. But seriously though, isn’t it?

I’ve had a lot of changes in my life over the past few months. None of them bad, that I can recall. I have been anointed with amazing luck at this point in my life. All of it unexpected. All of it amazing!

I would go into more detail, but it’s not quite the right time yet to discuss everything. As much as I have ranted in the past and discussed personal matters, I am trying to conduct myself in a perceptively more mature way. What I will tell you though, is that the heart is an amazing muscle!!!! Don’t ever underestimate it! I say this to you as much as I say it to myself. It has helped me survive over the years, and even when I think it couldn’t break any further, it continues to beat and to thrive. I’ve always promoted loving with all you have. Sometimes that is extremely difficult to do, but what’s the point of life if you don’t love it?

During spring break a couple of weeks ago, I took my amazing mini me, aka Angel Pie, camping for a couple of nights. She and I had never done that as just the two of us. We organized all the camping stuff, grabbed my two tents (we weren’t sure which one we’d have to use), the hammocks, the sleeping bags, all that fun stuff! This had to have been the most organized camping trip ever! We stopped at the store on the way out to Mineral Wells State Park. Living in Fort Worth, Mineral Wells always seemed so damn far away! I pulled up Waze, and MWSP was only 35 minutes from where I currently live. We were almost disappointed how close it was!

They had one spot available when I had gotten online to reserve the spot, and it was only for one night. We were at the rv portion. Which was totally fine. We had no one across from us, no one near us, and it was awesome! We got there early to set up our site and then went out looking for a place to hike and check out for the afternoon. They have climbing there!!!! We decided to free climb around the area. Lots of really cool spots to climb up and down and get into precarious situations. It was a blast!!!!! That evening we get back to the site, ride our longboards around the camp circle (which was perfect from where we were at since it was mostly downhill), and we got the hammocks hung up and the fire going. It was a beautiful night!!!!

The next day we knew we had to pack up, which sucked, because we really want d to stay another night. No open spots for the second night and no cancelled reservations. Bummer! But!!!! They had primitive camping available. We have never done this, mind you. We have never hiked out to camp. Ever! So, we decided to just go for it! Why not?! Let’s just say we fell in love!!! Yes. It was just one night, but it was greatness!!! We filled up my Camelbak, grabbed a snack, bungee corded the crap out of our hammocks and sleeping bags, took the couple of essentials just in case, and headed out. Now, we were exhausted from spending the day climbing and hiking, and we decided to hike some more. We got to our spot, hung up the hammocks, and were worn the fuck out. We basically relaxed the rest of the evening.

The fun part of this is how you don’t realize how cold it can get sleeping in a hammock. Our first night was in a tent, on the ground, with mats under us. I hadn’t planned on sleeping in my hammock at all, so I never packed up my over quilt. Never crossed my mind! I woke up in the middle of the night to my mini me asking me for my sweatshirt. I informed her I was currently wearing it, and I suggested she join me in my hammock (thankfully I have a double and a couple singles, I brought the double, whew). The hammock sleeping was super comfy until then. But it was much warmer!!! Still had a blast!!!

We waited the next morning until the other campers packed up and headed out. We wanted to be lazy and enjoy our time out there. It was amazing! We had a nice little hike back, got some coffee at the camp store, and went out climbing one last time. We were so tired and worn out, but we had so much fun! We met and climbed around with a family that we met out there. Super sweet people!

What a great short trip we had!!! Even though we weren’t far from home, it made us want to do more. So now we hope to start camping over the weekends when we can and when the weather will hopefully be nice. We probably need to practice a bit more before we do any crappy weather camping. Just sayin.

Anyway, I thought that would be fun to share with you. I hope you have an amazing weekend enjoying whatever it is you enjoy doing.

Love,

Bonnie

Me and the mini on the first day!

Awesome pic the mini got! These smelled absolutely amazing!!!!!

The view was incredible!!

We had a blast taking photos on the rocks!

Our campsite the first night. Didn’t have the hammocks up yet.

Sunset on the first night was gorgeous!!

Fun selfie the first night! Flash was a tad bright…

Our second night spent in the hammocks this time. This was out at our primitive spot.

Fun little pose on our last day. Love that girl!!!

My mini is pretty awesome!!

Quick video of the lake. It was so peaceful out there!!!

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Isn’t It Funny…

…where life takes you? It’s always a journey you never expected. You’re supposed to learn from your experiences and grow and become better, right? When sometimes it just becomes this overwhelming mass of crap that hits you all at once. Someone can ask just the right question, and it stays in the back of your mind to ponder a day later. Then that breeds more questions. Then you start thinking about why you did certain things. Then you wonder what you did with your life. Seriously! What the hell have I been doing with myself? Twenty years! It took me TWENTY YEARS to get a TWO YEAR degree!!! HA!!! Pathetic!

I bring this up, because I was asked if there was a degree that I wanted, that if I could have any four year degree, what would it be. I could only come up with something stupid and boring and pointless. An art degree? So I could actually learn how to paint? For what?!

So that got me thinking. What am I doing? I love making people happy. I love seeing people smile. I enjoy listening to others offload, lighten the weight on their shoulders. I like to mediate. I like to bring peace to people’s hearts. So where do I begin? Would another piece of paper declare to others that I officially know how to make people smile?

But this is what I seem to be exceptionally good at: asking questions of myself. I never seem to be able to answer them, just open more windows. Nothing like opening doors for myself. Just windows. An opening big enough for me to peer through but not walk through.

So I’m left with another question to myself. What do I do now?

And I don’t need anyone’s thoughts on this. I just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head, because I know I’m not the only one who would read this and understand it completely. This blog was once a way to communicate to a very small group of people about the time I lived in my car. It has evolved over the past few years into a journal of sorts. It’s a way for me to get some of these thought clusters out of my damn head. Thank you for allowing me to put them into yours!

-Bonnie

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Small Addictions…

They seem to run freely in my life. I go through random waves of things like eating sushi for a month, get sick of it, then go on a Ceasar salad rampage for a month, get sick of it etc. etc.  I’ve even gone through ditching coffee for tea!  I always go back to coffee at some point though.  They are more intense than just cravings, and cravings seem to be a one and done sort of experience. But these, these I would classify as a temporary case of insanity.

Perhaps this mentality is why I have always got to find a new adventure or try a new hobby or learn more or do more!  I have noticed that my past is made up of short lived experiences.  One right after another.  Even my relationships have been this way.  I am at the point in my life now that I can clearly see why there has been a constant need for newness and the resulting failures that occur. Now I know how to stop it.  Now I know what to expect.  I am determined to follow through.  Even though fear of the future still seems to be a small issue, I take that as normal.  The future is uncertain, and I believe that is something we can all agree on.  I learned long ago that life does NOT go according to plan.  Especially for me!  I can’t complain though!  All of my non plans seem to lead me in the right direction.  Let’s just say I love the direction my personal non plan life path is going.  Why plan?!  Just go with the flow.  Live in the now. Learn from the past to be prepared for the future, but come back to the now without fear.  Don’t resist the uncertain.  Love with everything you’ve got!  I am putting my entire heart into the future, and I recommend anyone who can, should!

Thank you for reading gibberish.  I’ve been going through more of a painting than writing phase. It too shall pass, and then I’ll probably be trying to learn to play a trumpet or something.  Who knows!  Maybe I’ll paint something good besides my stand up paddle board I repainted and plan on sealing tomorrow.  You never know.  Why plan it?  😉

Nighty night!

-Bonnie
Figured I’d post a couple pics of random.

That is the new board painting.

Working in the field in Ohio about a month ago.

If you don’t get this you’re probably just too young to get the awesomeness!


My current other temporary addiction. The last one was Not Your Father’s Rootbeer.

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Crazy!!!

That!  Right there!  Explains life!  Does it not?  Is life just not absolutely crazy?!  I mean, it can be crazy good or crazy bad or just absolutely, batshit insane.  It’s all the same anyway.  We even start off in a crazy way.  We came out of our moms, and look at what we are now.  No way we can ever go back.  It’s far, far too late for that.  

Then we learn how to walk and talk and hold a cup without spilling it (only because they’re spill proof, which we need more of in the adult stage) and feed ourselves with a stick with even smaller sticks at the end of it (or seriously two sticks), and we just keep learning all these crazy things.  For example, there were dinosaurs.  There were large, reptilian creatures, that would eat us, and thankfully they died, because nowadays, I wouldn’t even want to go up against a Komodo dragon.  Saliva that will slowly bring your body functions to a halt so it can start eating you?  Oh hell no!  Craziness!!!!  

After we learn about dinosaurs and how to add and subtract and successfully complete long division (math=crazy, logical language), there’s calculus and gravitational pulls and chemical explosions and antimatter.  OK. That shit right there is crazy enough.  Black holes=crazy.  Women=crazy.  Men=oh yeah!  They’re crazy too!  We are all crazy to some extent of the word.  This is something I tell guy friends when they have lady issues: every woman is crazy, but not every woman is nice.  It works the same way with men.  We are all wired differently.  Hormones make us crazy.  Household chores make us crazy.  Getting up every single day to do the same damn thing makes us crazy.  Changing plans makes us crazy.  Other people make us crazy!!!!!!!  

So how do we dig our way out of the craziness???  Do I have the answer?  Probably not, and no.  This isn’t an infomercial or ploy to get you to click somewhere to buy some magical pill.  If there was a magical pill to make life all unicorns, rainbows and glitter, you bet your ass I’d be buying it.  And who wouldn’t?  Who wouldn’t want a life like that?  Ah. Now that is the ultimate question.  There are a lot of people who wouldn’t want a magic pill of fabulous living.  And to be honest, I really wouldn’t want it either, but it sounds pretty damn fantastical.  And besides, I can go get a beer on an empty stomach for a quick bout of euphoria.  As long as I don’t eat or drink too many more of those tasty beverages, I can stay in that state for a nice while.  😉

You want to know who these people are?  The ones who would rather feel all the crap life can throw at you instead of only feeling the good?  I swear, they’re not unicorns.   In fact you might be one of them. Yes!  You!  Maybe you know how awesome you are.  Maybe you haven’t been through anything hard enough to make you rethink those magic pills. Perhaps you have been through all those struggles, and they helped you realize that without them, you couldn’t fully appreciate the good that life has to offer.  That’s the kicker.  That’s life’s ultimate mind fuck right there!  You can’t fully appreciate or understand all the good things until you have experienced and learned from the bad.  

Here’s my theory.  You ready?  I think life is all about balance.  Tes.  I have mentioned this in a previous post. There is good and evil all over the world.  Now, nature wouldn’t classify it.  Nature is indifferent and doesn’t give a shit about good or bad.  Do you understand that?  Indifference.  This planet can kill us in an instant, and yet we still believe we have the power to stop whatever it throws our way.  In the balance of nature, you survive and keep going.  If something bad happens, well, guess you just got too close to that gator’s mouth or that volcano just felt like exploding in the middle night with an ash cloud that suffocated everything within a mile of it. Hey!  It’s life!  But back to my point, we humans think we are all sorts of better than Mother Nature.  We have defined the harsh side of nature as bad or evil, and the surviving part we call good.  It’s balance.  Global warming?  We may kill off half the animals of the world, but nature will adapt and evolve. Crazy, right?  I ask that, because most likely we’d be dead.  

That is exactly what we need to do in life though. Adapt and evolve.  Physically and mentally we can do this.  We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for (NOT stronger than Mother Nature).  We don’t need a magic pill to make us believe everything will be ok.  Everything WILL be ok.  We can change ourselves physically in nearly every way we can imagine.  Sadly we cannot have genetically altered dolphin tails created for us so we can become mermaids.  This does sadden me a bit.  We can change ourselves mentally as well!  Crazy!!!!!!!

Why do I believe everything will be OK?  Even when I have hit rock bottom time and time again?  Believe me, I’ve been down there with the catfish on multiple occasions, and maybe that’s why I don’t eat them.  Hmmmmm.   Anyway, I have learned through enough life experiences that life is the ultimate teacher.  Divorce, death, being broke, sick, starting over, lost, depressed, confused, tired, angry, and that’s just the bad stuff.  Those things all helped me realize that the good things I have experienced are quite amazing!  Marriage, love, children (even though sometimes you want to put this on the bad list), happiness, helping others, surviving with a smile, and did I mention love?   Love is one of the most powerful weapons in your daily living arsenal.  It should be used every day!   Learn to love the little things in life that make you smile.  Yes. I understand this can be very difficult in some situations, like Christmas shopping at the mall, spoiled brats in line at the check out, drivers that can’t seem to stay in their designated, clearly marked lanes, losing a limb or normal body function (keep away from the Komodos). Yep.  I get it.  But.  But!  Those are the things that help keep you away from the magic pills.  The small things.  The small miracles you easily overlook while surviving. 

When life decides to be an asshole, deal with it as you must.  Cry.  Scream.  Yell.  Throw something.  Write a nasty letter. Feel the pain.  Feel the hurt.  Feel the knife in your heart or in your back.  Then, when you’re ready, reflect on it.  Why did it happen?  The real reason!  Don’t sugarcoat it.  Feel the rawness of the situation and then draw upon that to learn your lesson.  You have to learn it in order to adapt and evolve.  When you can clearly see the cause of the pain and begin to understand it, that is when a lesson is learned.  Once learned, be sure it is applied.  Once applied, you can start seeing your own rainbows.  Life can become more sparkly.   You might even see a unicorn.  Might.  Key word there.  Otherwise other people might believe you truly are crazy.  

It’s all about finding your balance.  Learning lessons from your past can make your future even better.  Appreciate those little things.  Appreciate the bad things, because they made you who you have become.  Live today with everything you got.  Live in the now.  You never know when everything and everyone around will be gone for good.  Let things be.  Stop worrying.  Enjoy this minute.  And the next minute.  And the next. Crazy, right?

-Bonnie

Of course I have to add some randomness!!!  Enjoy these little things!!


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Of Mice And Men And The Universe?

So this should be a quick post tonight.  I was messaging with a coworker today when an ex boyfriend of mine logged onto the Skype world.  He and I have always kept in touch, and I couldn’t be happier for him as he just recently remarried. He and his new wife just got back from an amazing vacation.  I mean, it looked pretty damn amazing from all the Facebook posts!  So of course I send him a hello and how are you.  I find out he just recently bought a lake house that he is fixing up and yadda yadda yadda.  Ok. I’m fucking thrilled for you dude!  Now this is where my mind started wandering…

So the wheels are turning.  You’ll get that in a second.  And I am totally going to copy and paste it here, because I’m lazy like that!  😛

why do I continue to be with losers when I have dated nice guys in the past?

[10:18:27 AM] Bonnie Campbell: like, seriously

[10:18:34 AM] Bonnie Campbell: what the F is wrong with me?

[10:18:48 AM] Bonnie Campbell: so then ugly girls get the geeky guys and they buy a lake house and go on vacations

[10:18:52 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and here I am homeless

[10:18:59 AM] Bonnie Campbell:  and yet somehow people envy my lifestyle

[10:19:06 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I don’f effing get it sometimes

[10:19:31 AM] Bonnie Campbell: this world makes absolutely no sense

[10:19:54 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I just don’t understand

[10:20:08 AM] José E: well see now you know you are not ugly

[10:20:19 AM] Bonnie Campbell: ok

[10:20:21 AM] Bonnie Campbell: so I am not ugly

[10:20:28 AM] Bonnie Campbell: doesn’t necessarily mean I think I am pretty

[10:20:36 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I am ok

[10:20:42 AM] José E: who knows, i don’t worry anymore

[10:20:44 AM] Bonnie Campbell: kind of

[10:20:53 AM] Bonnie Campbell: well, I don’t worry about it

[10:20:59 AM] Bonnie Campbell: but it’s still just like, WTF?

[10:21:12 AM] José E: i know

[10:21:13 AM] Bonnie Campbell: baffling

[10:21:43 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I know things happen for a reason, I mean, we somehow find a way to apply some meaning as to why something happened to make us feel better about it, but still

[10:22:03 AM] Bonnie Campbell: the universe is like a big experiment

[10:22:22 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and we are all just individual mice in a maze trying to find cheese

[10:22:30 AM] José E: we are the experiment not the universe

[10:22:40 AM] José E: yes

[10:22:57 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and some of us can smell it, but we can’t seem to locate it because our brains are wired differently and we just get confused and then we’re lost and running in circles because that’s at least something we can do

[10:23:18 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I think I just figured out the universe

[10:23:26 AM] Bonnie Campbell: using mice and cheese analogies

[10:23:31 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I should blog about this


So there you have it!!!!  Life is just one big experiment!!!  We all go searching for our cheese, no matter what that cheese symbolizes, and we are always searching.  Always!  We never seem to be satisfied, and I think that is just the hardest part of it all.  Being happy with who we are and what we have.  


I watched a movie a couple weeks ago, and a couple things really stuck with me. First off it was “Into The Wild.”  An amazing and depressing movie.  The main character reminded me of myself a bit, although I am not nearly as selfish as he was.  But when he finally gets to end of his journey he writes something down that continues to haunt me.  “Happines is only real when shared.”  I am at the point in my adventure where I am enjoying being alone, because it lets me discover myself more. This is also a bit frightening, because I don’t want to be alone forever.  I enjoy spending time with people.  I mean, people who are genuine and don’t drive me nuts, but you get what I’m saying.  So now I need to be concerned about too much alone time.  Damn this balance thing sometimes!!!!  It’s ok.  I’ll handle it.  I will continue to find my balance until I can find someone who’s worth being unbalanced for.  For now, it’s my time to find me and be a better person for my daughter and family and friends.  Oh to be a mouse!


Good night dear reader.  Sweet dreams and love and harmony and cheese.   🙂


-Bonnie

   

       

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