Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Sleep Study…

It happened again

The final straw

This time she would be laying down the law

For every night

After getting in bed

The sound like thunder would rumble in her head

She’d nudge him

She’d ask him

To move some different way

But no matter the position

The thunder wouldn’t go away

She’d pretend not to hear it

She’d read and play games

One pillow sometimes two

It was loud just the same

She only had three options

But they all came with a price

None of the outcomes would work out nice

She could lay there for hours

Until maybe it stopped

After taking more sleep meds

Finally knocked her out

She could grab up a pillow and blanket

And head to the couch

But she knew this was risky for her health

For if he woke up and noticed her gone

His anger would burst out like a wild hog

He’s call her stupid and a liar

But for what she didn’t know

He’d mumble slurs to himself back to bed

Solely seeing red

So she’d grab up her pillow and blanket

And head back to the room

So she’d lay back down beside him

What else could she do

But his anger would get worse

And he’d just get up and leave

Well now she’s done it

Bitch, why couldn’t you just sleep.

Now tomorrow is going to be another day filled with anger and wrath

All because he snores on his side, stomach, or back

He didn’t kiss her goodnight

Now there will be no kiss good morning

She’ll probably be shunned again

All because of his incessant snoring

She knew that idea was the worst one to choose

She should have just taken it

What’s a few hours of sleep to lose

She could have just kept her mouth shut

Like she did the day before

But tonight she was tired and couldn’t stand hearing it anymore

But there’s always option three

It lingers in her mind

But she could never ever go that route

Not yet not this time

But as the years grow longer

And the sleep becomes less and less

Option three will look better and better

She would be put to the test

What’s a friendly little pillow fight

Between resentful lovers

One pillow two hands

Option three for the smother

But it wouldn’t be easy

There’s be quite the struggle

This lying bitch would be on the floor

Choking in her own bloody puddle

So from now on she’ll just keep choosing

Good ole option one

Then she can continue being called

The grump morning one

At least now the bed is empty

Since he went to the couch instead

The room will be quiet

Now she can rest her little head

-Bonnie

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Nine Lives…

Part III

He watched and he waited
There could be no hesitating
As she made her way home
All alone
Reflexes were ready
Gotta keep those hands steady
Deep breaths in
Deep breaths out
There could be no doubt
The next moves were so perfectly planned
Up the stairs to her floor
Slowly quietly he crept to her door
Getting in was too easy
He still had his key
Funny she never changed the lock
Obviously a sign
(She’s fated to be mine)
Of course he would have such a thought
His knife at the ready
Remember keep those hands steady
Can’t be too quick there needs to be torture
A heart broken like this
Will make a man sick
Revenge is the only known cure
As she remained oblivious
To his insidiousness
His darkness continued to grow
Harder and harder
He couldn’t take it much longer
This bitch has got to go
He lost focus
One quick moment
A split second was all that it took
He tripped over her cat
Which hissed and spat
Alerting it’s dumb clueless owner
Evil had gotten inside
It could no longer hide
She knew her life would soon be over
What she saw surprised her
A blade meant to be inside her
Was sticking up straight through his chest
Her cat sat beside him
Proud and delighted
Watching blood pool and making a mess
Looks like God’s gift
Hadn’t planned for this
For surely he would have known
His dark inner demon
Was no match for a feline
Dumb fuck you should have stayed home

-Bonnie

Though this story has been dramatized These things happen from time to time. Anger and frustration An excuse for justification That murder is the only way to go Think of a wife best friend brother Sister cousin aunt uncle son daughter Could they be dealing with their own stalker I think it could be said No one wants to end up dead Especially at the hands of a lover So check in on your people Good bad (and or evil) It’s time we took care of each other If they say they are fine You know they are lying No one gets away with that Maybe they need a companion Or just some compassion Take them out to go adopt a cat.

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Nine Lives…

Part II

There she was near the window
Stupid slut at the bar
That dress couldn’t be any tighter
Go on get that dick
Twisted and sick
He waited for her by her car
But she never came out
As he figured out
She went home with a one night stand loser
He would teach them a lesson
One special session
You don’t fuck with a man on a mission
He had laid out a plan
It was almost too easy
A child could get away with such murder
There’d be pain and stifled screaming
It’s hard to speak when you’re not breathing
As he’d tighten the rope around her neck
But that wasn’t cruel enough
Scratch that plan ‘cause it sucked
Back to the drawing board away he went
Those days turned to weeks
The details all tweaked
She’ll soon know she should be with a real man
Now it’s time to go find her
And find her he will
This was exciting
An adventure
A thrill
The rush of the hunt
Now where was that cunt
Ah yes
She’s back at the same bar
So simple
So streamlined
Forever she’ll be mine
He thought about saving her head in his freezer
To gaze every day
Upon her lovely face
Santoku paring or cleaver
The tools he already had
Rope was new thanks dad
Plastic sheeting improvised with contractor bags
Making cleanup a breeze
Mother would be oh so pleased
And out with the garbage she’d go
Picked up the next morning
Compacted and dumped in a hole
Her body wouldn’t be missed
Tainted with semen and piss
Because that’s what those whores liked to do
Opening their mouths wide
Letting those pigs cum inside
Granting them a ten second moment of bliss
Stupid sluts should know better
Always being discarded
It’s their own fault every day
Waking up broken hearted

-Bonnie

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Nine Lives…

Part I

I’m going to tell you a story
A man lost
He was down he was lonely
No matter how hard he tried
And he tried every Friday night
It seemed love would always evade him
One night he was down
With no friends to be found
He decided to venture out on his own
That night he saw her
Couldn’t keep his eyes off her
And convinced her to follow him home
For years he kept trying
But she’d always end up crying
He tried over and over again
To bring back her smile
It had been gone quite a while
He was hoping this wasn’t the end
But she always seemed sad
And he always seemed mad
They were like oil and water
The flames would rise higher
Burning raging fires
Until one night he raised his hand
But he didn’t do it
Too late (and he knew it)
The damage had already been done
And that sadness inside her
Rose up through that fire
It took aim and swung
It was a shock they’d admit
How could either do this
Escalating anger ever higher
She was no longer the woman
He had so long adored
She was an animal
The likes he’d never seen before
He took a step back
Ego attacked
It was karma he thought for sure
The sting on his face
As she departed his place
He knew she’d come back to no more
Once a place full of laughter
That long ago happily ever after
Was now a nightmare behind a closed door
The hours turned to days
He was lost in a haze
How could everything go so wrong
It was just he and himself
He didn’t crave anyone else
His sanity fell away to the floor
How could love do this
He wasn’t abusive
That woman was stupid as fuck
He was a prize
God’s greatest gift
Only one woman could have such luck
To be with a man
Of such class and fine taste
She had been spoiled he thought for sure
But if she wouldn’t be with him
No one else would either
He grabbed his jacket to hunt down that whore

-Bonnie

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Lovely Rafters…

Part IV

It’s hard to imagine how things went so sour
It had begun ever so sweetly
Until this the eleventh hour
For a lover of puzzles cryptics and codes
How did she not see
This pattern so bold
She had allowed this to happen
Every single damn time
Sweet whispers of nothings
I me mine
And she asked herself why do I give love so freely
Am I not worthy
Am I just wash rinse repeating
It would seem it was so
Like an ebb and flow
But how would she stop this insane way of living
And not think of rafters
Wounds forever seeping
Being alone brought freedom it’s true
But then you’re alone with yourself and you
Though there always seemed time for family and friends
Nothing split down the middle
No who what where when
Yet why did she yearn for a love never ending
Alone she would heal
Her heart happily mending
The confidence would build
And she’d think she was ready
To go out on the prowl
Drunken nights on the town
To wake up once again
Just her and her bed
Then one night he’d find her and take her back home
She’d fall and fall hard
Stupid woman you should know
She’d ignore the red flags
They’re nothing love can’t conquer
Oh but they would come back to haunt her
Two years three four
She could take it
What’s one five ten more
But those stabs in the back
And the constant attacks
And the lure of the rope from the rafters
The thoughts were so lovely
Pull up a chair it’s time honey
The knot pressing the back of her skull
But she just couldn’t do it
Stupid heart stupid stupid
As she began to slip out of her noose
A leg that had broken
(Just her luck and she knew it)
Gave way with a snap and came loose
Oh you dumb bitch
Tempting fate like this
How did you think this would go
One final gasp vision was fading
(I’d give this slip a five star rating)
Dangling from those rafters all alone

-Bonnie

Please note this is dark and not my true heart Although life is one hell of a teacher. False love is not worth it you don’t deserve this Please go to a counselor or preacher.

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Lovely Rafters…

Part III

So that is the tale
Of a love turned stale
A woman can only take so much abuse
A heart can beat again
Even though it’s been dead
And its murderer left quite the bruise
If he says he’s an asshole believe him
He won’t change no matter how much you cry
Don’t be a stupid witch
Become what he says when he’s pissed
Here’s to you
You delightfully salty dumb spiteful bitch!

-Bonnie

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. When creativity strikes I have to run with it before it fades. Even if I get yelled at for basically hanging out in the bathroom for over an hour with a writing bug! It’s fucking stupid to some people…

I am feeling there might be more to this story.

So you may want to keep an eye out…

May love inspire you through life.

And death…

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Lovely Rafters…

Part II

Now you may think that’s the end of this story
But honestly it wasn’t that gory
Figuratively her heart had stopped beating
It gave up though her mind kept on thinking
Of how many places
And how many faces
Were buried across this great land
Places to hide
No more being alive
Those cruel words buried deep in the sand
As time went on
Those thoughts became strong
What if and how and where
Could it be would it be
Is it even worth it
Ssh quiet here he comes
Stupid woman should run
Though this proved to be quite the struggle
If she ran she would lose
But what could she prove
As her mind full of thoughts started to bubble
No more sadness only red
Tears of heartbreak were dead
Replaced by anger and fury
A rage filled her body
But she still wouldn’t run
She was patient no need to hurry
He would bury himself
With no need for help
Could peace replace hate filled voices
So she smiled and laughed
Her heart free at last
Only he could be blamed for his choices…

-Bonnie

Part III…

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Irritants…

I’m not even sure what to write about tonight. Pretty much anything I do just irritates people. I feel like I fuck up more often than not. Even on the things I know how to do, I feel stupid.

My past post seemed to give a couple people a guilty conscious to where they are now avoiding me like the plague. breaking the silence with a meme does not constitute communicating. but whatever. What do I expect when I have no friends to spend time with or the rare ones I do have are busy with their own lives and priorities.

I’m tired and sad and lonely. All I want to do is sleep but instead I am awake and writing out some randomness.

Oh well. Guess I’ll get some sleep. At least I can catch some zzzzzzz with a clear mind. It is what it is.

Goodnight.

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Be Like Sausage…

As I sit outside on my back porch, drinking my hot toddy while watching my fat cat attempt to catch the June bugs that are beginning to come out, I get to enjoy the warm evening air and the chance to think a bit. It’s true, what they say, life is a precious gift. It’s definitely not something I want to waste, but I also know I have spent many wasteful moments. I guess it’s part of the learning process, and you’re never done learning. I don’t want to be at the end of my days longing for all the wasted time. All those wasted hours that I could have been doing something more than what I did.

I love those infectious people with the unquenchable thirst for adventure and living. You know the ones. They always seem to have energy and go go go every day, and you wonder how they do it. I know I do! I wish I had that energy! That unfulfilled yearning to do everything possible! The want to constantly be on the move. Hell! Even the capability of being constantly on the move. How do they do it? They make it look so easy. So fluid. So natural. Like there’s no other way to be alive. I wish I had that passion and that drive and that ambition. How does one go about getting those things?

There are plenty of motivators out there in the world. There are people whose callings in life are helping others with finding theirs. There are places that inspire greatness. There are experiences that excite the soul to be more. To become more. And yet, how do we even run across these things? We’ll use me as an example. Here goes. So, I love to make people happy. I love seeing and being the cause for people to smile and laugh and for a second, forget whatever makes them unhappy. But that’s not my job. I don’t do that for a living. Part of what I enjoy about my job is that I get the opportunity to make the people I work with smile and laugh from time to time. But that can take work too. There are days when I am far far far, extremely fucking far from my usual, sunshiny self. There are days when I can’t even bring myself to smile, and those days make me feel even more terrible. Because, like I mentioned, I love making other people laugh and smile. And yes. I know I can’t be happy ALL the damn time, but it’s so defeating when I can’t even muster a smile for myself.

So how do these people do it? Are they just that good at hiding any emotion other than happiness? Are they seriously like this EVERY SINGLE DAY?! You hear that happiness is a choice. I mean, I’ve read it somewhere. It is. Definitely. But it’s a hard choice to make every day upon waking. There has to be a conscious effort, right? Sometimes the universe can throw some serious shit your way! Sometimes it feels impossible to be happy. But you know what? That’s ok. We don’t have to be happy ALL the fucking time. We are human. We can have bad days. It doesn’t make it any easier for those of us who would much rather be happy, but we are allowed to be imperfect and mopey and blah.

OK. I’ll stop there, because now it just sounds like I’m on some crazy, emotional rant about being human. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m tired of having to work at being happy. It’s not that I’m unhappy. I truly am happy! Just some days are so much easier than others. And there’s got to be a secret. Those go go go people have to have something figured out, and I just wish I knew what it was. Sometimes I wish I was like my cat Sausage. She’s a cat. I know. But I could learn a couple things from her. She’s fat and yet still active, and she couldn’t care less that she’s a tad grande. She lets her true intelligence shine through, and she may poop on the floor, but does she care what I think? Nope. Sausage does NOT care about the opinions of others! She definitely enjoys her cat food, but she will only eat solid white albacore tuna as a treat! So she obviously eats fine and indulges from time to time. I think I have that one down! Yay! Let’s see, what else. She sticks close to her family and does her best to “protect” us when an unknown comes to the door. By protect I mean she growls. Like actually growls. That is the extent of her guardcat status though. Because she runs away as soon as she sees the unknown. At least she lets me know when someone is walking up to the door. I mean, that’s pretty cool. She proves her loyalty and love to me every day. She may not cuddle with me, but she’s always there. She waits for me outside the shower. She lays at my feet at night. She lays at my feet on the couch. She hangs out near the kitchen when I cook. I mean. Such a simple life. Not a worry in the world! Well, ok. One worry. If the food bowl shows any sign of bowl at the bottom it’s panic mode time.

But seriously. I should be more like Sausage. Why worry about what others think? Why worry about anything more than if I have food and water and love? Basic necessities for all creatures. We humans just found ways to make it more and more complicated. I need to be more grateful for the things I have. For the limited time I have. For moments I shouldn’t have to worry about wasting, because they weren’t wasted. For the rare love that happens in life as a second chance. For the smiles I see on other people’s faces and the ones out in mine. Maybe that’s the secret. Until I know for sure I’ll just have to see what happens next and not waste my time. Until next time! 😉

-Bonnie 💙

Sausage. Be like her. 😊

She’s squishy!

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Next Time Wind!!!

I love drinking and writing or writing and drinking or whatever. Somehow the creative juices about nothing start flowing, and the magic that has me extra talkative after a couple drinks makes my writing a little “loose-lipped”. So much randomness happens in life, and it’s easy to overlook some of the things that make life laughable at times. Such as me wearing dresses…

Those who know me know I am a fan of shorts (and pants), and that I see dresses and skirts as impractical. Because I mean, seriously, if you wear dental floss undergarments (like me), dresses flying up in the air in the breeze are NOT a good thing! Besides, what’s the point of wearing a skirt/dress if you’re practically wearing shorts already? Maybe it’s just me. Nah! I know I’m not alone on this one! But anyway, last week was a very special occasion. I wore a dress! I know!!! There’s no photographic evidence of this, so it’s hard to believe it’s true. I totally get it. But it DID happen! All fucking day I had to grab my dress, because anyone who has experienced Texas winds knows how relentless they can be. And you know what? Those winds don’t stop until they win. They won. Gotta give the wind credit. Wind=jerk. J-E-R-K! So it kept blowing, and I kept holding my dress down. I would bunch it around me, giving the wind my strongest finger, and I would win another battle. It wasn’t until the end of the evening I had to stop and get some gas. I swear I parked in some sort of wind tunnel, because there was a sudden gust and SWOOSH!!!! There goes my GD dress! Straight up!! My bare ass was visible to the world! So I backed myself up to my car as fast as I could, only able to hold the front down. My bare cheeks pressed against the side of my car, praying no one has seen me in this predicament. It wouldn’t stop! The wind was going to win the war! In what seemed like an eternity I had gathered my dress enough to pull it down to cover my ass. It was a miracle!!! I don’t think anyone saw me, but what an experience that was! Thank you, Universe, for reminding me why I don’t wear skirts/dresses. Ever. So awesome!

So there’s a fun bare-butt-cheeks-in-the-wind story! Hahahahaha!!!! Hope you enjoyed this quickie! I’ll write again soon!!!!!

-Bonnie 💙💙💙💙

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