Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

I Miss You…

We all miss something or someone or some time or some place or some experience. There’s a hole somewhere. A place that can only be filled with memories or imagination. I know a lot of times I’ll say I miss being a kid. And it’s not that I can’t run around or go climb trees or explore, it’s just that I make excuses that I’m tired, I want to sleep in, that’s private property, I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t have time, my knee is acting iffy, etc. It’s sad that I somehow deny myself those simple, childish joys. I feel the urge to get out and do more, but it’s so nice just relaxing in the hammock with my book or sitting on the back porch with Sausage, whose favorite thing to do is relax:

That’s Sausage. I really need to leash train that little beast so I can drag her around with me in the great outdoors. I’ll let you know if that is even a possibility. 😂

But back to missing things.

So what has brought about this sort of laziness? I miss the never ending curiousness and energy I once had. I think once you get to my age it’s not that you’re old, but it’s more that you’re well aware time is actually pretty short. I’ll be thirty-eight this year, and yeah, I know, to some people that’s not old, that’s very true. I’m not old per se, but I am old enough to understand I’m not young anymore. I’m old enough to understand that life is short, and I need to spend time with the ones I love before time runs out. That also means I understand I have a limited amount of time to try things I’ve never done and enjoy things I love to do. Still, I don’t do them (not all of them anyway). And I know I’ll miss them if I let them slip away.

It is a curious thing to try to understand why these choices are made. It sort of circles back to my post about those super go go go people. It’s like they totally understand time is short and are doing everything they can to fill it. Then there are those people who really just don’t gaf. They let time go by and, well, maybe it doesn’t matter if they don’t care. Maybe that’s just one of the “keys” to getting through life happily (or just getting through it). You either understand and act upon squeezing as much life in as you can, or you go through life not caring so it doesn’t bother you? Am I an in-between-er? Is that even a category? Everything is categorized these days anyway, so I may as well stick a label on it right? But still, missing things. I keep missing my point here and drifting.

Missing things! I miss the youth I used to have. I miss the memory skills I used to have. I miss friends who were toxic to my life, and even though they were toxic, they were still a part of who I have become. I miss the family members in my life who are no longer with me. I miss the freedoms of being a kid and not having to adult. I miss summer vacations with cousins, and just being able to actually go on one. I miss the newness of experiences growing up. I miss you. I miss me.

So here I go with another balance spiel. I keep getting myself stuck in the past at times. I know this doesn’t do me any good. Reminiscing about the past only makes you sad. It makes you long for things that are no longer obtainable. Memories, good or bad, can have a negative affect the more you dwell on them. Even the good memories can make you begin to wish for them again and distract you from experiencing good things right in front of your face. This seems to be a recurring issue with me. Maybe it is with everyone? Maybe some people are just better at jumping back into reality before the past begins to take over their thoughts? Here I go again creating more questions and digging deeper into something without actually fixing it. But maybe that’s what I need to do to be a better me? Maybe this sort of inner reflection is what I need to see me more clearly? To realize that I don’t need to miss who I was? Maybe I need to see past the past, and take joy in who I am becoming? Back in the times that I miss, all those experiences have helped shaped me into me. They helped shape you into you. And do I miss your younger you? Do I miss your not-as-wise-as-you-are-now you? Not at all! So why should I dwell on missing the old me? Well, the younger me, really, but you know what I mean.

Maybe this post can help us both look forward to what we will become. Maybe that’s the key to motivation and living life to the fullest? And maybe you have to take the time to miss the past, because it helps you plan and get excited about the future? Obviously I can’t answer that, but I think I’m pretty good at the introspection part of it all. So, me and balance. Gotta find the balance. Gotta enjoy the now. The past is done. It can’t be changed, and even if it hurts, it’s still there. The past can teach us so many lessons if we choose to learn from it, but it can also rip us apart and drag us down to live it over and over again and miss our now. Our own sort of Hell if you will.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Plus I’ve noticed my posts are sort of boring lately. I keep doing this look inward thing, and I can only imagine how exciting it is to continuously turn the mirror back at myself/yourself whatever. I’ll post something upbeat again soon I promise! It’s almost my mini-me’s 17th (yeah OMG!) birthday, and there are some good time’s ahead! Oh! I got to see the Alamo for the first time and cruise San Antonio’s river walk a little bit this past weekend! Yeah. I know. I live in Texas and hadn’t seen any of that yet. It’s a big state dammit!!! I’ve been pretty blessed to see some other things in my life that many will never see, so I’m just checking off some sites from my to-see list! I’m sure there will be some more San Antonio exploring and some river floating in my near future. Maybe even some peace and quiet and relaxation. I’ll let you know! Til then, ciao!

-Bonnie

Oh yeah! I’m getting more work done on a tattoo piece that I am so looking forward to getting done!!! So excited!!!!!!

Volleyball time with my mini and her bestie! Oh summer days and sunshine!!!!

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Time To Stop With The Laziness!!!!

As most of you have noticed, I have not been in my car for quite a while. Why? Well, I have been lazy. Yes!  It’s true!  L-A-Z-Y!!!  I have been enjoying the comfort and convenience and family for a few extra weeks, but the time has come where I have felt that I have come to the verge of wearing out my welcome.  This is the feeling I was hoping to never feel when staying with anyone.  So, I am currently hoping to find out about that room for rent this week.  If it all works out I may have a place for the summer.  If not, I will be buying some battery operated fans until I do.  Maybe buying some screen material too.  Maybe rigging up a swamp cooler or something.  We shall see.  So keep your fingers crossed that this guy renting a room isn’t completely oogie!  I’m basically going to just shower and sleep there during the week.  If cats are welcome that’s even more of a plus, because one of mine is driving my mom nuts, and she’s threatening to throw her outside.  I am taking the threats seriously. So, unless someone wants to volunteer to watch a cat for a few months, I need to find a place that’s pet friendly.  That makes it even more difficult, but not impossible. Wish me luck!

A lot of you don’t know that I got some artwork done last Wednesday.  I am planning on getting more done in the very near future.  

  

It’s on my right shoulder and it is an ode to my grandma.  I miss her everyday.  The next couple I get will be for my mom and my mini me, and they will just have to see.  The pieces I plan on getting all have meanings to me whether the people they represent understand them or not.  Have no fear.  I will not be getting any tats on my face. You know. Just in case that thought randomly occurred to you and struck you with momentary horror!   

This past weekend was pretty awesome!  Tiring but totally worth it!!  Friday I had my brew mile and went to an art show in Deep Ellum.  My trainer actually ran it with me!  It was a ton of fun!!!  Then I kicked his ass at cornhole.  That was even more fun!  Saturday morning was a terrible day for training, but I went, and it was awful.  Between the serious lack of sleep and a lot of beer the night before, my body didn’t want any part of it!  None!  It was baaaaaaaaad.  That afternoon was my friend’s birthday gathering at a coworker’s house.  He and his wife made a ton of homemade pizza, and it was sooooooooo good!!!  I hadn’t eaten pizza in over four months, so I definitely enjoyed it! Beer, pizza, good people, it was great!  Hung out at her house that night where we watched Ouija.  It was stupid.  It was a stupid horror film   The funny part was that my mini me and my friend were both creeped out and couldn’t sleep.  I made it worse by cracking jokes in poor, horror taste, and I had a blast!  I don’t think she’ll ever watch another scary movie with me.  

Sunday was MayFest!!!  Annual tradition with the munchkin, and my friend joined us with her two munchkins.  It was a lot of fun!  Rode some rides.  Got to eat my fries Oreos and meat pies from the same vendor who is there every year!  Her food is so damn good!!!  Tried her gator bites, which were far better than any I have eaten at a Cajun place. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!  We walked around the vendors that were set up, and the two younger kids did sand art.  We rode on the Ferris wheel, and the mini me and I rode the tilt a whirl!  We were both super excited it was back, because it wasn’t there last year.  Got to pet the waterskiing squirrel!!  So cute!!!  Got to feed a white tiger!  That was pretty cool!  I’ll post pics of it all at the bottom.  

Anyway, I am super sleepy and need to get to passing out. Oh!  My munchkin has her colorguard tryouts going on this week!  Keep your fingers crossed that she makes the varsity team for her freshman year of high school!!  She is growing up way too fast!!!  She’s also super talented at what she does, and she loves it!  I am pretty sure she’ll make it, since she practices every chance she gets!  Alright, hope you at least slightly enjoyed the post tonight.  I have more I could write about, but it’s late.  I’ll write more in the next couple days. Good night and sweet dreams!!!

-Bonnie

   

               

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