Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Tell Me Lies…

Honestly I’d rather you not, but we all do it. Don’t lie. You know you do. We all lie at some point.

I bring this up, because a lie is bothering me this evening. Not one I told, but one that was told to me. The problem with lies is that when you’ve done your fair share of lying in the past, you become quite good at it. So good in fact that you know when you’re being lied to even when it’s something small. It is easier to believe these false words than so as not to fully accept them. So this lie, that shouldn’t really matter to me at all is pestering my mind like the single mosquito in the room when you’re trying to fall asleep. It wasn’t recent, and yet it pops up from time to time as if it happened yesterday.

So with my bringing up lies and lying and liars in general, it’s funny how people are offended or angry when their lies are called out. No one likes to be called out on their bullshit. For example, the older I have gotten the more I enjoy not going out. Oh! I miss the energy of friends and the memories of social gatherings, but as I get more crotchety and lazy, it doesn’t always feel like it’s worth it. It is. It’s worth every damn bit of stress or anxiety or primping, but it’s So. Much. Easier. To just stay home. So what do we do when this happens? How many of us say that we are currently enjoying our hermitting stage and just don’t feel like dealing with the hassle of going out? I have. It’s rare. But mostly it’s an excuse, or I don’t feel well, my partner isn’t feeling well, or I have an early morning, etc, etc, etc. The lying comes with ease, because it is so so so easy. It’s easier to explain we don’t feel well rather than go into why we would rather have a stay in and watch a movie or why our current mental strength is not up to the task of being around others.

We lie. We lie to make others feel better. At least we liars believe that our lie is saving someone some grief, but is it? Let me ask you something, when you lie like this, to get out of something, does it make you feel better? Or do you feel guilty after it’s come out of your face? You know you may have just lied to your best friend, and deep down you know they know. So does it ever feel worth it to ourselves? Are we really saving anyone from grief when they 99.9% of the time know you’re making shit up? Not really. We make ourselves feel like shit for lying about something we shouldn’t have to lie about to begin with, and yet we continue the tradition.

Think of all the times you have lied to save someone’s feelings. The lies of encouragement when you don’t have the heart to be real, because it will spare a person pain. So many lies. I love your outfit when you wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Or I love your makeup even though someone has obviously spent too much time and money to look like a cheap whore. Even the silent lie to save not just their embarrassment but also our own. How many times have you let that person smile at you without saying there’s something in their teeth and then watch them smile away at others who do the same thing? Maybe not the same thing as lying, but it’s far from pointing out some honesty.

How many lies do we tell ourselves on a daily basis? How many do we believe? Do we eventually tell these personal lies so often that we believe them? Do our lies control our feelings toward ourselves? Sometimes we even lie to ourselves, repeating over and over and over again that we are happy. We look good. We feel good. Mantras to get as motivated in the morning can begin as a lie and then slowly progress towards the truth. Funny how that works. Day in. Day out. Every day. I feel good. I feel happy. Lying until it’s true. Sort of like the whole fake it til you make it. The way we dress. The way we speak. The way we act. We are all just a bunch of liars. Always trying to show others we think they want to see. Putting on our costumes and masks to hide the real us. It’s easy to pick out the ones in the crowd who don’t care anymore, who aren’t out to be something they’re not. The ones who choose their lies more carefully and use only when needed.

The one person I lie to the most is myself. Deep down I don’t like me. I don’t like being lazy. I don’t like feeling unattractive. I don’t like who I am anymore. Only the lies I tell myself get me through the day anymore. They’re the only things that boost my confidence levels enough to get things done. I lie and say I like me. I lie and say I look good in this outfit. I lie and say my hair looks good. But it’s all lies!!!!!!!!!

But do I want to hear the truth? We know how much the truth hurts. Do we all want to know the truth about everything.? Or is it better to accept the lies and believe them to be true? As easy as it is to lie, maybe it’s even easier to just accept it and move along. so that lie that continues to haunt me, I might as well accept it as a lie someone told me to keep from hurting my feelings. It was a lie made to make someone else feel better about themselves. And that’s fine. But it’s still a long way away from the honestly I was craving at the time.

So be honest. Your loved ones deserve it. Even when it hurts. Even when it makes them feel guilty. Demand the truth from them in return. Now go drink some expensive tea and relax. Repeat some mantras until you believe them. Then go out to the world and show them the real you. There no resin the hide yourself under a blanket of lies.

Enough rambling on and on. Have a good evening. Would love to hear some comments on how this post makes you feel.

-Bonnie

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A Trip To Paris…

Texas!!!!!!!

This week’s trip has me working from Hugo to Idabel, OK. With my coworker living in Paris, TX, that is where I’m hanging my hat for the next couple days. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris! 😂

With me traveling again, I’ve finally convinced myself to get the fuck out of my hotel room (and comfort zone) to explore the towns/cities where I’m staying. I’d heard about the Eiffel Tower in this town, and I had to see it, especially since I probably won’t ever see the real one in my lifetime. As much as I’d love to explore all of Europe and the surrounding countries, I’ll be just as happy to get to see all of the US. There are a lot of places on my travel bucket list, and I have to be realistic, right?! So, I decided to check this thing out, and I wasn’t disappointed! It’s super cute! The bigger perk of checking this thing out was the Red River Valley Veterans Memorial right next to it. It was beautiful! It had presence, and I could feel it. Although when I visit places like that I feel immense sadness. As hard as I try to enjoy the beauty and love of memorials, I can’t help but feel that way, and it takes all I have to not allow myself to fall any deeper. So after perusing the memorial I went back to the Eiffel Tower to cheer back up.

“The Paris, TX Eiffel Tower! Of course it has a red, cowboy hat!!! Why the hell not?!”

At this point I was debating on going back to the hotel (I was stupid tired) or go find something else. When I had searched for the tower I remembered seeing something about a historic site and a fountain. One thing I truly enjoy checking out are historic downtowns. The courthouses at the centers are usually pretty awesome! I searched for Paris’s original town center and headed that way. On my way I passed by a huge cemetery which I plan on checking out while I’m here. I heard there was a monument there that’s an angel with cowboy boots. Only in Texas, right?!

I find the historic downtown, and I gotta admit, it’s pretty cool! Lots of construction going on, old buildings being gutted, road work, etc. it looks like they’re trying to keep it in working order, and there are the usual antique shops, eateries, and randomness. The fountain was dead center to the south of the courthouse. It was pretty and peaceful, and I parked to check it out. It wasn’t anything grand, but I could definitely imagine people hanging out and eating lunch around this thing in warmer weather. I’d totally be eating a sandwich there on my lunch break!

After the fountain I figured I’d sort of drive around and check out some more of the buildings in the area. That is when I came across something I thought was pretty damn awesome!!!!! In the parking lot across from this old, crazy huge and odd looking church, was a community park. One side was a water park for warmer days, and the other side was a park of musical instruments. Now, when I say water park, I’m not talking something huge with slides or anything. It was basically a bunch of holes in the ground for water to come shooting out of at children playing in it. I gotta say that’s pretty fun and nice on a hot day! The music side had a large central set of pipes, surrounded by various xylophones, bells, and drums. All but the drums had attached mallets. Yes! I totally tried them out like I was a six year old! Even the sign for the music park was a xylophone, and of course I had to check that out too!

After feeling like a kid for a few minutes I decided to head back to the hotel. It was beginning to get dark after all, and I was exhausted. I figured I’d found plenty of new stuff to share with everyone, and I hope you enjoy it! It’s funny what you can find when you’re not looking. Seems a bit like life. I can sit in my hotel room longing for something to happen that never will, or I can get off my ass and find the beauty in the random and enjoy it! I hope you like the pictures below! Until next time!

-Bonnie

The RRV Veterans Memorial. This place was incredible!

Underneath the tower was a cool Texas inlay. I had to take a selfie…

The Culbertson Fountain which was dedicated in 1927! Construction on this thing had actually started in 1924, and it took three years to complete!

Harmony Park! Yes! I tried the instruments, and they sound pretty amazing! I’m not sure I want to know what it might sound like when twenty kids are beating on everything though…

Pretty much my view the first day of work this week, but it beats my computer monitors any day!!!!!

Of course I got one with the tower in the background!

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The Traveler…

I was recently asked by a friend if I’d ever thought about being a travel blogger. Well of course I have! Who wouldn’t want to travel the world and share new experiences with everyone who cares to read about them?! I mean, there are plenty of people who either can’t or don’t want to travel, and reading about them is their way to get out there and see what they are unwilling or unable to do. But my answer also brought out the main reasons why I would never pursue being a travel blogger. First off, I am at the point in my life where I wouldn’t even want to put in the type of effort it would take to make enough income to pay my current bills. Secondly, I am happy with the man I am with and where we are in our lives. When we do get to travel, it is for sanity and memories we get to create together.

Those who are close to me have surely noticed my BF does not like social media. He does not want pictures posted of him, and he would appreciate that I don’t really talk about him. Not to say he hasn’t been the reason behind some of my posts. But if anyone looks closely, they’ll notice there are no pictures of him that I post, and he isn’t tagged in anything either. He enjoys and likes to keep his privacy, and I respect that. He has also made me rethink a lot of my own social media content, and my participation has drastically lowered over the past year. Don’t think I don’t want to post pictures of us or declare my undying love for him for all my friends and family to see! I do! But I don’t have to prove anything to anyone that I am in a relationship with someone who lets me be my weird self. Yes. I admit I’m weird. It’s true! And we did recently take a couple of trips together, but I’m not writing to discuss those.

I’ve recently began traveling for work again. I love it and hate it. I love being able to get out of my office! I love being outside! Even when my weather app tells me it’s sunny even though I experienced snow flurries all day. I will happily be out in the heat or the cold and work my ass off. It’s a break from the norm, and it’s a way to keep my sanity. Although I love my normal routine, it’s nice to just break free from time to time and see new places. Even when the places are pretty boring!

Last week I was in Durant, OK. Two weeks before that I was in Oklahoma City, OK. Not really two places I would typically be excited to go to, and I wasn’t. It was for work anyway, and that’s what I focused on. If you haven’t worked with me out in the field, I am one of those people that love to get started early and will work until midnight if necessary. I’m sure a couple of coworkers think I’m crazy that starting the work day at 8am in the field isn’t early enough. But it’s not like I sleep well while I’m out of town anyway. Might as well get to work.

While I was out those two separate weeks, I realized I sorta lost my zeal to get out and experience where I was. It was work and hotel. Work and hotel. Oklahoma City didn’t inspire me to get out and see the sites. Yes. There are a plethora of things to do and see there, but I just couldn’t get motivated to even go out to eat. I mean, I brought my own food to stay on my diet. I’ve done a fair share of eating out and enjoying microbrews, and I just didn’t feel up to it this time around. Nor did I feel like checking out any local attractions. Not even the casinos. I was tempted at one point to stop at one on my drive home and drop a dollar in a spot to say I gambled at such and such casino. But then I thought nah. I’d have to park and walk in and actively take part in said activity. So I passed on that and continued driving.

Then I went to Durant. If you’ve never been there you’re really not missing too much. But maybe I did. The historic downtown had a fun flare to it, and I sorta wish I had gotten out to see it all. There was a pretty fun, artistic side to it, which made it a pretty cool little town. And there were some fun restaurants and bars that I could have stopped in to enjoy. But again, I brought all my own food and kept my work routine. You know the one: work, hotel, work, hotel. You get the point. There was also another big casino on my drive home. Did I stop this time? Nope! It would have entailed too much effort, and I was ready to be home.

Next week I will be back in OK. Our work is taking us through the Southeast corner of the state, and although there may not be a whole lot to see or do, I plan on adventuring this time around. I plan on walking through the small towns I stay in each trip I take up there (it’s not that far of a drive from where I live), and I also plan to write about them. Not that I am planning a side gig as a travel blogger, but just to share the new things that others may never get a chance to see. Who knows what I will find! I can still eat the food I bring and be faithful to the summer body I am trying to get (remember those are made in the winter or so I keep telling myself). Even though I kept myself in a pretty boring routine this past trip, I did stop once for some quick pictures in an alley. Odd place, I know, but as I mentioned earlier, Durant had an artsy side to it. Some of it you wouldn’t even see if you didn’t happen to drive to some off-the-beaten-path locations like we were for work. My first thought was that my daughter would love to see this! Then I thought my BF would think they were cool. Now I am sharing those with you, because I think you would like them too! So enjoy the pictures below, and I will share more from my upcoming trips.

Bonnie 💙

The random back alley in Durant. One block off the main drag, and we just randomly drove by it the first time getting from one location to the next.

The blue morpho is what convinced me to drive back by and get some pictures. It is my favorite butterfly, and I actually have four of them tattooed to represent four amazing women in my life.

Around the corner you could escape to four different places at each painted “window”.

This was a beach volleyball spot across from a Veterans of Foreign Wars building. It even had a place for horseshoes on the right. Thought it would have been an awesome spot to play and enjoy some cold ones if it wasn’t 30° that day.

Just a friendly neighbor checking us out while at work. A beautiful horse that knew I had gotten my phone out and decided to become camera shy. Go figure.

Hotel life in Oklahoma City. Yep! Gotta love those hotel rooms! 😂😂

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It Could Always Be Worse…

I say this to myself far too often. But it’s true. It’s an all encompassing truth. At least for me anyway.

So let me tell you how my week has been going. Just realize it’s only Tuesday. That should give an awesome clue as to how this will be laid out.

Sunday was a good day. Warm. I got a couple of paintings done and started a separate art project. It was sunny and warm, around 81°F. It was a tad boring of a day, but I kept busy for the most part. Then a storm comes through. Temps drop. Crazy lightning outside. Flood warnings. Yay Texas weather! It’s kinda normal, actually. The kicker is that Monday morning it is 39 F(ing) degrees outside! 39°?!?! And it’s raining. Cold and wet. Great start to a Monday.

I head outside to my car, praying it will start. Clyde does not like cold weather, but I’ve had so much work done to it that I am hoping it will be ok. Clyde started right up. Wasn’t running weird from the cold. I was highly impressed at this point. It’s going to be a great day! Right? Not until I head home from work!

Clyde has thrown in the towel. I barely made it home. Called the shop where I had spent far too much money to get Clyde fixed up. No answer. Actually, it’s Tuesday night, and I still haven’t received a phone call back. Jerks! Anyway, I had to pull over a few times on the way home, but I made it. Thankfully I made it. Of course my heart is pounding. I’m thinking my car is finally going to blow up. It didn’t. Whew! So anyway, my dad has a spare vehicle, and I am currently borrowing that. My stepmom is amazing! She came over to pick me up, brought dinner for me, and gave me the keys to my dad’s car. So awesome!

I don’t have internet at my place yet (actually getting installed tomorrow, been out for a few months now and cellular signal is fucking terrible). So I am attempting to begin the car buying process which involves multiple searches and filters and blah blah blah. Car shopping. I loathe car shopping. Since we were having shitty weather all day yesterday, my cell service was extra crappy. I couldn’t load anything. I was frustrated. I don’t think my bf knew what to do with me at this point. I know he wishes he could help more, but he’s in need of a new vehicle as well. Aren’t we a cute couple? Both in a hole at this point. So I call my mom.

My mom was all into helping me search for a “new” vehicle. She was putting in search criteria for me, and sending me pictures (which took an eternity to download on the phone 🙄), and she was emailing me links to check out the next day. Super cute and sweet! Love my mom so much! I’m pretty sure she was more excited about car shopping than I was. She found some good ones. Of course, anyone who can’t just walk onto a lot and pay cash for a new vehicle know the joys of used car shopping. You have to test drive all of them. I found some vehicles I was interested in, but dear God! They were not exactly nearby. Frustrating. Crappy weather. Figuring out loan calculators and budget and wondering if I’ll have food for the winter. Such fun!

Today, Tuesday, I drive to work. I’m there for thirty minutes and get a phone call from a friend of mine (also a coworker). She ran out of gas maybe two miles from a gas station! Her car lied to her and said she still had 21 miles left to go before being empty. So I leave the office to go pick her up. We head to the gas station. She gets a gas can and a gallon of gas. We head back to her car. Mind you it is cold as hell and just raining. Great weather to get stuck in. Just miserable weather. Bleh. So we get back to her car. The gas can nozzle won’t fit into her gas tank! I never knew this before, but Fords have a funnel-like thing with the spare just for this! Well, guess what she didn’t have with her spare. So we head to the office. Figure there’s a funnel somewhere in the shop.

Lunchtime rolls around, the rain sort of turns into a light drizzle, and we get ready to head back to her car. Walk out to my borrower vehicle and the driver’s side front tire is looking pretty low. Really? I was just like, come on universe, are you serious right now?! We head over to the gas station, slowly of course, and I put air in the tire. Seems good. We start off towards her car, get on the freeway, and the tire pressure sensor goes off. Pretty much at this point I was over it. I make it to another gas station, pull up to the air, trying to figure out what to do. It’s still cold and rainy. At this point it decided to rain a little harder. Called a coworker to take my friend to her car so I can beeline to a shop. Found a shop nearby, called, and they said they could fix it but wouldn’t be able to get to it for over an hour. That’s fine! Coworker comes to pick up friend. I refill the tire with air and head to the shop. PSI is dropping fast. I slowly make it to another station. More air. I’ve got three blocks to go, and I really don’t want to damage the wheel of this vehicle. Slowly make it to the shop. Get it there, and it finishes deflating.

Gotta say these guys were on it. They finished what they were working on and started working on the tire. Then they tell me the hole is too big to fix and have to use the spare. Fine with me! Do what you guys need to do! Guy comes back in and asks where the special tool is to get the spare down. I have no clue. Didn’t know there was a special tool for this. What else could go wrong?! Incredibly they found it!!! They mounted the spare. Didn’t charge me a thing! Seriously! Nothing! I asked what I owed, and the guy says nothing. I tell him I owe him something. The guy says I don’t. So I thank him multiple times, extremely grateful for the small kindness that brightened my dreary day. I make it back to work only wanting to go home and curl up in a ball and cry.

I made it through the cold and rainy day. Drove home from work. Walked to the front door and I see a bag hanging off the door handle. I take it inside, happy to see my two hair balls and open the bag I brought in. My stepmom brought it over for me with a card, a pumpkin dish, and a bag of candy corn, and that made me cry. I talk to my mom who is wanting to help me out by selling her horse trailer and old truck to lend me cash to put towards a car so I don’t have to pay interest. That made me cry. So my moms made my day end so sweetly and I felt so much love from the two of them. They really know how to remind me that I am loved. So even though my week has started off pretty shitty, today ended in lots of love and feelings of gratitude. Because it could always be worse.

To mellow this post out a touch, I’m going to share something. I recently had more work added to my tattoo piece on my back which entailed four butterflies. The original butterfly I had put on my back was for my grandmother. But I wanted three more coming up over shoulder. Each of those represents my mom, my stepmom, and my ex stepmom. The moms in my life who always made sure I was ok. They are there to help me when I need guidance and strength and someone to vent to. They are with me at all times. All of my tats have individual meanings, but they all come together as a mortality piece on my back. Still need more work done to complete. It’s almost there. It’s special to me. It’s me. But I wanted to share that about the butterfly section.

I hope this hasn’t been too dreary and all of a post, but I feel like sharing my shitty week with you, only to get to the end and seeing how beautiful today turned out. I am so grateful for the little things, my friends, my coworkers, my bf, even when adulting tries to bodyslam me from time to time, those little things all add up to amazingly grand things that make me smile.

Because, after all, it could be worse.

-Bonnie

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Isn’t It Funny…

…where life takes you? It’s always a journey you never expected. You’re supposed to learn from your experiences and grow and become better, right? When sometimes it just becomes this overwhelming mass of crap that hits you all at once. Someone can ask just the right question, and it stays in the back of your mind to ponder a day later. Then that breeds more questions. Then you start thinking about why you did certain things. Then you wonder what you did with your life. Seriously! What the hell have I been doing with myself? Twenty years! It took me TWENTY YEARS to get a TWO YEAR degree!!! HA!!! Pathetic!

I bring this up, because I was asked if there was a degree that I wanted, that if I could have any four year degree, what would it be. I could only come up with something stupid and boring and pointless. An art degree? So I could actually learn how to paint? For what?!

So that got me thinking. What am I doing? I love making people happy. I love seeing people smile. I enjoy listening to others offload, lighten the weight on their shoulders. I like to mediate. I like to bring peace to people’s hearts. So where do I begin? Would another piece of paper declare to others that I officially know how to make people smile?

But this is what I seem to be exceptionally good at: asking questions of myself. I never seem to be able to answer them, just open more windows. Nothing like opening doors for myself. Just windows. An opening big enough for me to peer through but not walk through.

So I’m left with another question to myself. What do I do now?

And I don’t need anyone’s thoughts on this. I just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head, because I know I’m not the only one who would read this and understand it completely. This blog was once a way to communicate to a very small group of people about the time I lived in my car. It has evolved over the past few years into a journal of sorts. It’s a way for me to get some of these thought clusters out of my damn head. Thank you for allowing me to put them into yours!

-Bonnie

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Wait!  I’m An Adult?!

It’s funny!  To me anyway. Every year we celebrate our birthdays.  We celebrate aging another year, and as we celebrate the fact that we were brought into this world to share our awesomeness, we realize how mortal we are.  It hits us harder each year that we are creeping closer and closer to our death.  Eventually our birthdays become celebrations that we actually made it a whole, entire year. Maybe without breaking a hip or having a joint replaced.  

I bring this up, because well, at the wise age of 36, I am creeping up on my “middle” age, and I finally realized I am an adult.  Yes.  I have been a mom for the past 15 1/2 years, but not even that made me feel adultish. That just made me feel like a mom.  I may have worked in the same industry on and off again since high school for an accumulated 13 or so years, but even that didn’t make me feel like an adult.  At least, not until recently.  Lemme splain.  I am no expert in what I do.  I will never ever ever ever ever ever claim to know everything.  Ever!  There is always so much to learn and expand on in whatever my field is.  I mean, how can you know it all if you don’t even know exactly what you are/do?  Anyway, off topic.  Back on track. See what I did there?  Yeah you did!

So!  I know a few things in my field.  I have experienced a few things in my field.  I have figured out a few things in my field.  This has made me slightly knowledgeable.  Scary thought!  I kid!  Knowing the odd things that I do, prompts other people to ask me questions about my thoughts and opinions on certain things that I have experience with.  That!  That has made me realize I am an adult.  It has also made me realize I am quite a bit older than some people I work with, but enough about that.  My aging is inevitable.  Being asked what I would do, that made me feel important in a way.  That I might actually know something and be able to contribute to someone or something else.  Maybe that should have made me feel more like an active member of society and the team I work with, but no.  It made me realize I have adulted.  I have evolved into a full adult.  There’s no going back now.  I can’t reverse that thinking even though I want to at times. 

This I’m-an-adult-now thinking has followed me to family events and haunts my daily activities.  I am no longer a “kid” at family functions. A realization I hate to admit, because the kids get to have the most fun!  Duh!  Adults have fun too, I know, but the kids don’t have to clean up and do dishes and blah blah blah. You know what I am saying.  Yes.  Alcohol can make those things more enjoyable, but still.  I’m trying to cut way down on the imbibing.  

Yeah.  Work is what started this whole train of thought.  Ha!  I did it again.  If you didn’t know by now, I work in the railroad industry.  Now you’ll get ALL the jokes!  Hahaha!!!!  Sucker!  Anyway, work.  Work got this rolling along.  I mean, it’s not like I never took my job seriously before I was struck with adultom, it just wasn’t seen that way.  It wasn’t made visible yet to me that my opinion actually has some merit from time to time.  I’m sure people talk badly behind my back now and again, but I am also sure some people tell others to ask me whatever question it is they have just asked.  It’s just funny to realize it one, random day out in the shop.  I had been asked numerous questions by that same person, but that one time was different somehow.    Now my thinking has forever changed.  I may not always act like an adult, but now I can’t deny that I am one.  It sort of sucks.  

With that I will let all the youngins continue their adulting.  Now I just get to whine that I don’t want to adult.  Period.   My “ing” has aged without grace. 

-Bonnie
Me in my twenties:

…and that flower looks like it could be a questionable emoji. 😂😂😂
Thirties:

How I feel about being a full-blown adult:

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Yay Boobies!  I Mean, Yay National Women’s Day!!!

Well howdy!  This is just a quick blurb of a questionnaire I was asked to fill out to celebrate National Women’s Day.  An edited version was posted for company (CTC Inc) social media!  Enjoy the unedited version!  

How long have you worked in the rail industry?
I have worked in the rail industry since 2004, although I pretty much grew up in it. Long ago, back in the day, when I was young, the regulations weren’t as strict as they are now. There were plenty of summer days of jumping on the motorized rail cart, visiting crossings, and helping with their maintenance.
Seriously, I painted mechs when I was like 8.
What drew you to a “nontraditional” work environment?
I’m already “nontraditional”, and I am not a fan of what I consider boring work. I like the strange, uniqueness of what I do, and it has allowed me to better myself outside of the office.
What challenges or obstacles did you face in the beginning? And now?
In the beginning I learned wiring. I had never used a drill or worked with electricity or really done any work with my hands.
Most of my previous jobs had been administrative or military (which was just secretive administrative work). Just starting out in this industry was a challenge in itself. The other challenge was working at the same company my dad worked at, and I knew there would be a high risk of others’ perceptions of who I was and all that favoritism crap. There was always the stigma that I had to live up to what everyone else expected of me, and believe me, they always expect more out of you when your dad is the president of the company.
Now I can wire anything. Although it is no longer what I do every day, that start helped me get to where I am now, and it was
an excellent basis for learning. I still have the dad-stigma thing though. I have just come to realize that people are always going to see what they want to see. I can work nonstop for a week straight, and some people will only notice the time I stop to grab some water. People’s perceptions are their realities, and they can’t see past them. But now that my position has changed multiple times, I face new challenges. Especially when it comes to traveling. When I travel alone, the guys I end up working with out in the field won’t join me for dinner or a beer after work. Sometimes it’s difficult getting them to even join me for lunch. That’s typically the normal thing to do when you’re out of town on business, right? Not if you’re a woman. Not if you’re by yourself. No guy will even accompany you unless you have other guys with you, because no guy wants to explain to his significant other that he was out having dinner and a drink with the chick who just flew into town. So yeah, it kind of sounds petty, and it’s understandable, but it’s still a pansy thing to do. But you know what? I have a lot of fun traveling alone, because I don’t have to worry about making sure everyone else is happy, and people don’t have to decide on where to go and all that BS. So my boyfriend worries about me traveling alone, because I’m a girl, but I just take that as his being sweet. I mean, I don’t want to be treated like a guy ALL the time. I’m still a woman, but I am definitely not some frail, tiny, mouse- like creature who needs to be wrapped in bubble wrap before stepping foot outside. Just sayin.
How has the workplace changed in its attitudes towards women for the better? For the worse?
I don’t want to sound like a feminist here, but it will probably come out that way a bit. This is an extremely male-dominated industry, but that is ok. I prefer working with guys even though plenty are just as catty as any woman I have work(ed) with.
Honestly I believe there has been some change in regards to attitudes towards women, but I think that happened between 1950 and 2000. Honestly, if you want to work with the big boys, you have to prove yourself. It’s just the way it is. A female CEO wouldn’t be there to hold your hand and pat you on the back while you cry about stress or someone dropped an F bomb in front of you. I give guys just as much grief as they give me, and I am not afraid of proving myself. Actually, come to think of it, I am probably worse than a lot of the guys I work with.
What advice would you give women entering male-dominated fields?
Grow a pair. You are going to be tested constantly. You still have to pass initiation in a way to even step foot in a man’s world. If you can’t take criticism, you’d better learn how. And yes. You will want to cry. We’re women. It totally happens at the most inconvenient times, and it if frustrating as hell which makes you cry even more. I think some guys understand this, but some don’t quite know how to respond. Just be prepared to take some grief if you break down in front of them.
What motivates you to come to work every day?
I get to be the queen of randomness. I enjoy what I do, and there is still so much to learn. Compared to this industry, I don’t know jack. You can never know it all doing what I do. Don’t think I don’t attempt to learn far too much!
How does being a woman in a male-dominated field give you an edge over your coworkers?
If you can earn their respect, male coworkers will go to bat for you and stick up for you. Maybe it’s a big brother mentality.
They know you can take care of yourself, but they will still be there to back you up when you need it. Sometimes their different ways of thinking can also help shed light on something you hadn’t noticed before in regards to a project. Not sure if that’s really an edge or just a benefit. Who were your mentors/champions in the early days of your career?
My mom was my champion while growing up. She didn’t need anyone else to take care of things. She worked on her own car, fixed what needed to be fixed, wired, soldered, worked her butt off, and managed to raise me. She was like Wonder Woman, and I wanted to grow up to be as independent as her. Sadly, I didn’t pick that up until later in life. As far as my mentor goes, Tina Vasquez was the woman who taught me how to wire and solder and read plans. She basically helped propel me to where I am now. I am thrilled to be working with her again, although I don’t actually work side by side with her in a bungalow anymore. I do wish my dad had taught me more guy things growing up. Knowing what that man knows would be amazing, but I wasn’t nearly as geeky and into electronics the way he was growing up. I’m not even really sure how he got started in it all…
What matters most to you?
Getting better at what I do. Maybe focusing on fewer things than I do now, because I feel a tad spread out. Told you.
Randomness.
What is your proudest achievement?
Just being where I am today. As much as I enjoyed being a cocktail server on Kauai, it’s not like it had a future. Yes. I am being totally serious. I worked hard to get to where I am now, and I have made a few mistakes along the way. I will continue to make mistakes, but I am determined to learn from them.
Mistakes are an amazing teacher.
What do you hope to see change in the industry moving forward? I wish women were seen more as equals in their respected fields. I don’t expect a guy to treat the accounting chick the same way he would treat the construction chick, but I would like to think if
they were both in construction they could see eye to eye. Especially when it comes to superiority. I once got “tattled on”
when I was an assistant production manager. I picked on a guy as a joke, and he went and cried to his boss about it. Yes, I probably shouldn’t have picked on him, but it was harmless and I know the field guys he worked with picked on him much worse. So what would my tiny joke matter? Obviously a lot more than I realized, and I ended up learning a very valuable lesson as a supervisor. Some guys can dish it, but they can’t take it. Also, don’t leave anything up in writing.
And with that, sometimes guys need to pull their skirts down to cover their girlie parts, and sometimes we women need to show off our cojones. It’s just the way it is. Besides, we can go from muddy, dirty construction/field workers to wearing high heels and a skirt and showing off our assets. You read that right!

So there you have it, my questionnaire all filled out.  Hope you enjoyed it!   

-Bonnie

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It’s Something…

Yes.  I realize it has been a few months since my last post.  I have to admit, my writing might become a tad boring, but I’ll let you be the judge of all that.  I am thinking I need to update the blog since it no longer involves living in my vehicle. So where should I begin?  Should I start off with the good or the bad?  The happy or the sad?   How about I jut start with something?

So, the holidays have come and gone.  We have gone through Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, New Year, and today, Groundhog Day.  Early Spring has been predicted if you weren’t in the know.  Keep up with the times people!  😉   Although here in Texas we have been having springlike weather for a while now, and I am really wishing it would be cold.  I mean, I love the warmth and the sun and all, but I have some really awesome boots that I would like to wear for a couple months.  Ridiculous.   Anyway, so I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season filled with love and family and happiness and joy.  I am still with the same incredible and wonderful guy that I have written about.  He has requested that I not bald on about his personal life, and I have agreed, but I will have to mention him from time to time since he is a part of my life.  I think he’s ok with that as long as I spare any details.  Let me just say this: he’s pretty fucking awesome, and I love the shit out of him!!!  😍😍😍😍😍

In other news, work he kept me busy.  I still pretty much do randomness, but that’s ok.  For now.  Maybe I don’t want to necessarily specialize in something, but then again, maybe I do. Maybe I need to. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons. Learn something new in the industry.  Not like you don’t learn something new nearly every day doing what I do, but I like to learn randomness everyday regardless.  One can never learn too much!  Life is full of so much information that it would be a shame to waste the opportunity.  

The mini me is doing extremely well.  She had her first winter guard competition a couple weekends ago, and they won first place!  So proud of her and all the girls!  They have their second one this weekend, and I am excited to see them in their costumes since they didn’t have them for the first one.   Should be pretty cool!  She also has a new boy interest in her life.  I continue to remind her that she has time, and that she still has to keep school and colorguard as her priorities.  She understands, but I also know that the closer they get the harder it is to keep your concentration.   She will learn.  Everyone does.  And let me tell you, the struggle is real!

Spring break is coming up next month, and I couldn’t be more excited!!! We are heading out to Angel Fire, NM for a few days!!!  It’s my man’s family’s annual vacation, and the mini and I get to go.  What’s even more exciting is that one of the mini’s best friends gets to come with us!!!!  That makes me super happy since she will be entertained and get to hang out with someone her own age.  That will make the whole trip so much better for her, plus I love hanging out with those two, and they are great at making me laugh.   Yay!!!!

Other than all that I am getting back into a gym routine after being lazy a couple months and being sick for one of those.  I didn’t really work out for a while there and enjoy far too much of the good the holidays offered.  But let me tell you, it was delicious and almost worth it!  Sadly I need to drop some weight again since I gained about 16 pounds.  Yeah. Yikes!!!!  So I am back at the attempting to eat healthy and work out at five a week.  Wish me luck!  

On that note, I am trying to keep my eyes open and not pass out.  So now I am going to pass out.  I hope you enjoyed the quick blurb about the happenings in my life.  I have a ton more to share, but it’ll have to wait until tomorrow or something.  Have a good night and sweet dreams.  Ciao!

-Bonnie ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

   
    

 

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New Old Beginnings

This has been a crazy couple of weeks!  I have moved into my new place.  I moved my fur babies in with me Sunday!  Yay!  I have missed them!!!!!  Almost completely unpacked!  Still have things I need to go through and get rid of and donate.   My washer and dryer were delivered Monday, so now I get to do laundry!!!!!  Lots and lots of laundry!!!!  Dating is still exhausting, but I have a second date on Wednesday!!!!!  So excited!!!!!   Work is absolutely insane, and I don’t feel like I am anywhere near breaking the surface to catch a breath of air.  I know it’s coming, but for now it’s crazy!   Loving it!  Don’t get me wrong!  But yes still crazy!

This past week I went on a couple of dates.  One on Tuesday, went nowhere fast.  Then one on Wednesday, which I thought went great!  So on Sunday he asked me out for another one!  Uber excited!!!!!!!   I do have a drink/meet with someone else, but hey!  Don’t judge me!  It’s always good to keep your options open!  😛   You never know…  And since I never actually posted this yesterday (Monday) when I started it, my drink/meet went great!!!!!!  Awesome guy!!!  The real kicker is that he knows who my dad is after meeting him back in ’98!  Yes!  I know!!!  Small, weird world we live in!

Anyway, so yeah.  Loving the new place!  Still haven’t used my kitchen.  Will finally get to use my laundry area.  I have boxes and boxes of donation crap on my porch.  Still need to go through even more stuff and just get rid of it.  Haven’t really put away clothes yet.  Still waiting on my bed to arrive.  Haven’t gotten any internet or anything hooked up.  Have no clue what my electric bill is going to run me.  But I love it!!!  I’m having to adult again, but that’s ok.  

My mini me is doing great!!!  School starts next week!  Holy crap, high school!!!!  Child has been working her butt off for color guard!!!  She is doing so well, and she makes me more proud every single day!!!!  I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter on this planet!  Love my angel pie!!!

Anyway, gotta get some work done!  Lots to get done today!!!!   Ciao for now! 

-Bonnie
Another day…

  

My living room.  Still a work in progress, but I can sit in my couch!

  
Madi took this shot of the stairs.  Pretty awesome pic!

 
 Welcome

  
It was Star Wars night at the Rangers game on Saturday!  Loved this poster a kid had!

 
My crazy fur baby!!!

  

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Moving Day!!!!!!!

Hi!!!!  I know!  It’s been forever!  I know you missed my random updates.  😉

I have a lot of news to share with you!  Today is moving day!!!  I found an apartment about three weeks ago right before I left for a week long trip to Denver for work and play.  On top of that I had decided to play my hand at dating again.  It has been a bit insane for me lately to say the least!  Guess I should start somewhere near the beginning.  

You already know I was searching for an apartment, and it was stressful as all hell.  So I gave it another quick shot on a Saturday afternoon.  Checked out one.  Way too much for the piece of shit it was. So nope on that one!  Checked out another.  Nope!   Checked out another.  Hmmmmm.  Liked that one. Went to a place I had already been to to compare, but the closest move in date wasn’t until October, sooooooooo. Went back to the one I liked and snatched it up!  More than I wanted to pay, but it will be my space again. I have missed having a place to call my own. I can’t wait!!!!  Although I am moving this weekend in 103+ degrees.  I hired movers, because I don’t want to be the cause of death for people I care about.  Did I mention this thing is on the third floor?  Yep!  Movers!

So dating had been interesting. Lots of one nighters.  Not what you think!  Dinner/drink dates.  Good grief!  Even thought I had a potential second dater until he gave me some family bs story and cancelled on me.  So, I was all set to go to an event by myself last night and found a last second date to join me.  I mean, why the fuck not?  Ticket would have been wasted otherwise.  So yeah.  I should have just gone alone.  It would have been more fun!  Oh well.  Finally got to meet my coworker’s fiancé though, and she was awesome!!!!!  Total sweetheart!  They make a super cute couple!!!!  My hope is renewed!  

Work has been going well. We have a huge project that we’ve been working on in Denver. So I got to drag out intern to Denver to do some wiring and testing.  It was great!  Of course, I am used to traveling alone, so I was super stoked after I dropped him of at the airport and then I was free to enjoy CO through the weekend.  Woohoo!!!!  Hit up five microbreweries and did some hiking and some exploring.  I had so much fun!!!!!!  I will turn every business trip into a mini vacation when possible. I love to travel and don’t get to do it much on my own.  Hey!  Plane ticket is paid for already.  All I have to do is cover hotel and car and food for the extra days.  Can’t beat that deal!!!!

The mini me starts high school soon!  So insane!!!!  This past week was her first venture into summertime band practice. She is super excited about their halftime theme, and I can’t wait to see it!!!!!  So proud of my munchkin!  Although she’s going through a height challenge at the moment.  She keeps wishing she was taller.  I told her it’s better to stay where she’s at, because she’ll never find a guy to date who’s taller than her when she’s in heels.  The struggle is real people!!!!!  All of my current matches are 5’8″.  Seriously.  Wtf?!

Anyway, I am off to train this morning.  Then I pick up my beautiful angel, and we are going to get my keys to my place, and then we are going to start moving some stuff!  Yay!!!!!  I promise I won’t wait so long between updates again.  Sorry.  It has been busy busy busy. 

Love you!  Ciao for now!
Got an office again!!!!

  
Hiking Garden of the Gods!!!

   
    
 
Just for fun!!!!

   
    
 

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