Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Jul 14

Already Giving Up A Little…

by oceangrrrl

Why the hell is it so hard being happy?  I mean, isn’t that what people strive for?  Happiness?  So why is it such a struggle?  Why is that we can work and work and work for our goals, but the happiness from achieving them fades away leaving us wanting more?  These are questions that have been haunting me lately, and the more I dwell, the more my happiness fades away to leave a dull, gray residue behind, and that’s all I see anymore.  

I had a bad night recently. Although I may have had one too many beers, I got depressed and began to think a tad irrationally.  So I shut down my FB page. I shut down my FB Messenger.  I almost posted my final blog post as well, but I fell asleep before I hit post, and now I can’t find the draft…   So consider yourself lucky. 😉   I’m kidding!  You’re not lucky!!!!  Here you are, reading my randomness again!  So there!  😛

In my last post I mentioned my loathing for apartment hunting.  Sadly I have been too damn busy to even have the chance to find one!  This only sets me back further as anything that was available for an August move in is sure to have been snatched up with nothing until September or October. Just my luck!  I am trying to get out of here. I feel like a freeloader, hence my never really being around anymore.  I’ll stay out late and grab wings and a beer at Hooters, or I’ll stay late at the park, or I’ll just do nothing really.  I try to hide in the back room to avoid being in the way and attempt to lessen my feelings of being such a loser. Which yes, I am a loser.  Such a loser of a loser.  I’m pretty pathetic.  I can’t help but feel worse and worse as each day passes.  And though no one would claim that I am one, I still feel that way just the same. Anyone who knows me also knows I never intended to be in the situation I am currently in.  If it weren’t for the heat, I’d still be in my car until I found a place. 

Among other news, I signed back up for match.com.  Yeah I know.  Guess I like to torture myself.  That must be it!  First date was ok, then he started with the drama.  Um, nope!  Second date, that guy just wants fun.  I have been propositioned via the match messenger more than I care to think about!  I had a date Sunday that I thought went great, but then allegedly we were supposed to go out again tonight, but then he got his daughter.  Which ok.  That’s fine. I totally understand that.  But at least have the decency to let me know ahead of time rather than allow me to sound like a nag until you finally tell me what the hell is going on.  I don’t see it being that much to ask for.  Really.  Common courtesy is nice!  Then there was another guy I was chatting with.  Now I have been blown off by that one the same day.  I am just really getting tired.  

So yeah.  Trying to date again sucks.  I mean really?  All you want to do is what?  Um…no. Apartment hunting?  That’s sucky too!!!  Ugh!  Just shoot me already!!!  If I wanted to hook up I’d download tinder.   Trust me.  I have thought about trying it to see if you can actually score a date rather than a yeah.  You guessed it. 

Next week I will be in Denver.  I know I am wiring stuff in the field.  That’s about it. So I am going to stay through the following weekend in order to enjoy the area a bit.  Maybe check out Garden of the Gods and some microbreweries over there.   🙂 

So I am going to leave it at that and get some much needed sleep.  Wish me luck, because I am about to throw my hands up and say I quit.  Men are beginning to piss me off.  If it wasn’t for the small amount of fun they can provide from time to time, I’d be done.  So stupid and frustrating and exhausting!  Anyway, have a good night!  😉
Fundraising event Friday night in Austin with me hanging out on stage with the drag queen.  She was fabulous!!!!!  
Where is this guy?!?!  Am I asking too much?!?!

  
Where I’d rather be right now…

  
And I can do a pull up now!!!!!!

 Woohoo!!!!!  So I rewarded myself with this!
  

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Jun 27

Adulting Is Exhausting

by oceangrrrl

So I have decided to grow up again, and my apartment hunt is on.  Although I was hoping to be back in the car in the winter, there has been this constant nagging in the back of my head to rejoin “normal” society.  Please shoot me.  Apartment hunting is just as bad as house hunting, and no, I am not going to buy a house.  I am sure that’s probably a stupid idea, but in my stupid mind I do NOT want to feel as though I am tied down. I don’t want the burden of owning my own home again.  I don’t want to be the one who has to replace the water heater when it goes out.  Lonely home ownership is not on my to-do list of uber responsibility.  That is far too much adulting for me!

If you’ve kept up with my random ramblings over the past few months, you know I am currently staying at my dad’s house over the summer so that my mini me has a place to stay while I am in limbo.  I figured it is time to make a choice. Like I said, it’s this nagging sensation.  Which is kinda funny to me in a way.  I believe I am decently normal.  I mean, the way that society sees me anyway.  I have an excellent job.  I go to the gym.  I pay my taxes.  I contribute to the economy.  I don’t have run-ins with the law.  I don’t do drugs (alcohol does not count).  All things a typical, run-of-the-mill citizen does right?  I am pretty frickin boring actually.  Wow!  I am totally boring!  

But boringness aside.  I have a pretty kick ass life.  To those who don’t know me at all, I am just another one of those people who blends in with all the others. Ok.  Maybe I don’t blend that well since I usually tower over most people I stand next to, but you get the point.   Since I began this weird, self-discovery journey thing, I have become more self aware of where I stand in the great chain of things. I know who I am.  I have a sarcastic sense of humor that not everyone understands. I know I can drive some people nuts with my weirdness.  I am driven to succeed in whatever path I choose.  I love to be outside.  As much as I enjoy being alone, it can also suck.  Sometimes I wish I had more friends, but that list just kind of shrinks more and more as I get older.  So that sort of sucks.  But anyway, enough about who I think I am.   Back to this whole stupid apartment hunt shit.  Ugh!  

So, searching for apartments has of course become “easier” since you can look online.  I did this for my last apartment.   Then you get a $200 gift card in the mail for using their locater and yadda yadda.   Well, I have come to find out just how picky one can be when it comes to apartment hunting.  I have a general idea of where I want to live, but it’s so expensive.  That is why the whole buying a house thing was mentioned earlier. It’s pretty much like making a house payment for something you don’t own.   But!  You get a pool and a balcony and landscaping and maintenance and noisy neighbors and maybe a gate and a basketball court and access to bike trails and convenience all rolled into it, so I think it’s worth it.  I just need to really decide how much I want to fork over every month for those amenities.  My safe price range puts me nearly into ghettoville.  Not that I couldn’t pay more, but it’s just ridiculous!  I would love to get a studio or efficiency, but those are just nonexistent outside of the downtown areas, or Irving.  Nope!  Not living in Irving.  I would just assume to avoid Dallas for the rest of my life, you know, except for the occasional kick ass concert or gathering with friends, maybe a Mavs or Stars game. Ok fine.  There’s a lot of cool stuff to do there.  I just refuse to live there.  I work in Fort Worth anyway, why would I want to live that far away?  So anyway, apartment hunting is becoming a nightmare.  I have dealt with Section 8 apartments.  They’re definitely in my price range!  But wait! What was that?  I make too much money as a single person.  Seriously?!?!  So nice to know that since I make more that I get to pay $200-300 more a month to live in a box.  Frustrating!  No wonder some people just give up on striving for more.  I mean, what’s the point?  The more you make the more you pay out the ass!  Sorry.  Thankfully I was brought up to work hard and be responsible for my own actions and their consequences.  It’s not easy, but oh well.  No one ever said life was going to be smooth sailing.  

But oh God this whole adulting thing is stressful.  I don’t want to act my age, but there are circumstances where it’s necessary to act like an adult.  I am a mom, and even that is difficult to be at times.  Maybe that came out wrong.  It’s not hard to be a mom, it’s hard to convey the image of being a mom around other moms.   Does that make sense? Most of my daughter’s friend’s mothers are about 10 years older than me.  Most have multiple children.  Some are super sweet, but the majority are seemingly materialistic and underlyingly catty.  Would I ever tell them I lived in my car for a few months?  Hell no!  Would I ever hang out with them voluntarily on a Friday night?  Probably not.  I may like nice shoes, but I don’t go out shopping, and I don’t care whose name is on a purse (which I don’t carry), and I don’t care about labels, and I don’t care that my car is dirty, and I just don’t care about that pointless crap.  It’s all just a façade.  It’s a projected image of status, and it is beyond me.  I know image is important.  That’s a given.  I’ll dress and act the part when needed, but I would prefer to just be myself.  It all comes down to perceptions.  How the hell did I get on this tangent?!  Holy crap I veered way off course.  I guess it’s been so long since my last post that I am just full of total randomness!!!!  It is spewing out like a really bad night out on the town that went south quickly!  Holy hell!

Anyway, I think I am just going to shut it down there!  I could probably blah blah blah for the rest of the day, and then you could just use this post as a sleep aid.  So with that, I am going to spend some time with my angel pie.  I hope you have a beautiful day!  Go make a memory, have an adventure, smile.  

Ciao for now!

-Bonnie

   
       

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Jun 12

Thoughts About Weddings…

by oceangrrrl

Weddings.  Some people love them, others hate them.  Everyone has their own personal opinion about them.  Just today I was about to go on a hike, when a guy who just came back from doing it started talking to me.  When I told him I was in town from Texas for a friend’s wedding, his opinion came right on out!  He said they were depressing.  And I completely understood what he meant!  He was proud of being 35 and never getting married, and he never planned on it. To each his own.  

Being through two of them myself and attending others, I see weddings from many different angles now. When you’re young and the idea of getting married is bright and shiny and new, you are blinded quite a bit!  It’s like a polished, chrome bumper catching the sun just right and flashing pure white light into your eyes.  The longer you wait to get married, the more you begin seeing why weddings can be a sad affair. To attend one you feel love and support for the couple, but deep down there is almost a knowing fear of what the future most likely holds.  So many marriages fall apart, and it’s a rare blessing to be part of weddings where the couple truly works to keep it going until death.  

This weekend, one of my very close and dear friends/Army bud is getting married for the second time.  I have not yet met his fiancé, but we know each other via FB (Facebook).  I am so happy he has met his match, and I am so looking forward to meeting his better half tomorrow!  I don’t know her past, and I have no idea if she has been married before, but I have nothing but love for these two people!   Bare, my friend, is like family to me.  My friend list may be shorter than most people’s, but there are very few people I would drive over five hours for, let alone 10.  He’s one of them. Trust me.  Very short list. 

So tomorrow, when I am attending the wedding of a very special and wonderful friend I have know for years, and I hear him say his vows, and I watch him and his bride walk down the aisle together, and I see them dancing at their reception, I will be so filled with love and joy, that there won’t even be any room for the painful memories still gripping me from time to time. 

All hope. All love.  All happiness.  Eternally.  

Love you Bare and Jessica.  

-Bonnie

 Me and Bare 

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Jun 1

Fireflies and Summer Things…

by oceangrrrl

It has been a few days without rain here in good old Texas!  I got to enjoy the sun a bit more Sunday than I did Saturday, that’s for sure!  Driving my daughter back home Sunday night we noticed the lightning bugs were out.  Fireflies, lightning bugs, same thing. Anyway, it just made me start thinking about summer things.  The activities that make summers memorable for adults and kids and how they differ and what is missed or still enjoyed.   There are so many memories of summers I have had the pleasure to enjoy since I was little.   Summers spent flying to Texas from California to see my dad.  Day trips to Six Flags and what is now known as Hurricane Harbor (back in the day it was Wet’n’Wild!), family reunions in Daytona Beach, FL, or trips to Georgia.  The list goes on and on.  Swimming in the pool, going to the lake, crawfish boils with neighbors, baseball games, Busch Gardens, Washington DC, Baltimore Harbor, a train ride between Cali and Texas or Florida and Georgia, seeing the Amish for the first time, museums.  Like I said before, the list could go on and on, but I won’t bore you with my lists of random summer memories.   🙂

So what makes things so memorable to kids as they/you grow up and reflect on them?  Maybe it’s the first time experience?  Like my first trip to Disney World/Land just seemed to be magical. It was like being in another world! Not like it isn’t its own world, but for someone who had never been there and hadn’t been beaten down by the universe at that point, the sheer wonder of seeing all that awesomeness at once blinded my childhood mind from seeing anything but!  Now, as an adult, you go to the theme parks or water parks and you can’t help but think about just how gross some things truly are.  Like the sweaty seats on the rollercoaster in July, or what the hell is floating around in that lazy river, or the sawdust covering up someone’s lunch nearby.  Ok.  So maybe as a kid you would have noticed the last one, but I think you catch my drift.  

So do our minds change so much as we get older that we lose that sense of wonderment, or are we allowing being forced by societal norms to “act like adults?”  It’s a bit disheartening.  I like to think that I am keeping my childish senses intact, but I do find from time to time that I allow my boring, adult self to take control.  As a kid it was all about exploration.  Now, as much as I want to go exploring (I really do!) it’s as if I just get all lazy and stubborn; I have no one to go with, it’s hot, it’s muddy, people will think I am weird.  Yeah.  I know.  The last one shouldn’t really bother me.  People already think I am weird.  But I feel at times I pull off “normal (adult) citizen” quite frickin well, thank you!  Although it’s really not that hard to do.  😉

So, summer.  The time of hot days, cool water, tan lines, snow cones, driving with the top down, cookouts, ice cream, coolers of beer, dropping anchor, floating rivers, hiking, biking, camping, baseball, natural springs, lilikoi margaritas, jumping into waterfalls, snorkeling, swimming, stand up paddling, reading on blankets at the park, hammocks and wine, bonfires, sweet breezes, suntan oils, glistening skin, jumping off cliffs, blurry romances, shooting stars, outdoor concerts, patio seating with friends, windows down, flip-flops, short shorts, bikinis…

Just a small handful of summer memories and daydreams for you.  Hopefully your imagination ran wild for a minute and you added your own thoughts of summertime in there.  Here’s to summer!  May the magic of all your childhood memories compel you to act like a kid again! 

   
                 

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May 25

Memories For Memorial Day And A Father’s Birthday…

by oceangrrrl

Today is Memorial Day. It is a day to remember those who have given their lives for this country.  Those lives have given me the freedom to write this blog, and I can never thank them enough. Some of you know that I was in the Army.  I do not consider myself a veteran of any sort, as I took an option to get out early (personal circumstances at the time) with an honorable discharge.  I was in less than a year, and I miss it.  The best part was meeting some of the best people I know and have stayed connected with through the years.  We all live so far away from one another, but thanks to FB we have stayed connected.  I appreciate them more than they will ever know.  Thank you for your service.  

Today is also my father’s 60th birthday.  The older I get the more I realize I don’t know him.  It’s no one’s fault really.  We are just two completely different people.  We don’t talk.  We don’t hang out.  We awkwardly ask how the other is doing, both wanting to have a conversation, but those conversations just seem to resemble infomercials where we’re both trying to sell coins to one another, albeit shiny ones.  Most of the time I think it’s because I’m a girl.  Other times I think I’m not logical enough to talk to him about anything resembling logical intelligence.  Other times, I think we’re just both really bad at taking walls down that have no real reason to be up.  

Needless to say, my dad and I are not very close.  Rarely do I see the side of him that lights up with boyhood brightness.  When I do see it, it’s always with someone else.  Writing this is not easy, just so you know.  This post is not meant to show how terrible my dad is or how crappy his daughter is. It may be entirely my fault that he and I aren’t closer.  It’s even harder working in the same office building and hearing how he talks to everyone else with happiness in his voice.  Sometimes I get to hear him say hi to everyone and then he walks by me.  God forbid there be any showing of “favorites” in the workplace.  There isn’t any.  He asked me to lunch once.  Well, a lunch without an agenda attached.  It was awkward beyond belief.  Here I am in my thirties expecting some sort of lecture the entire time.  It never came.  Now that was strange.  What was even more disheartening was that when he asked me to lunch, my boss was just as shocked.  My boss has watched me grow up and has known my dad nearly my entire life.  He knows, unlike anyone else in the office, how close my dad and I are not.  

For my dad’s birthday, I bought him a journal, along with a couple of randoms; the traditional sudoku book (he loves sudoku puzzles), and a steam engine die sheet metal model he can put together (something I thought was pretty cool).  My dad is sooooooooooo not easy to buy for.  What do you get a person who has everything they need and buys whatever they want, and they only tell you they want socks?  So the only truly meaningful gift I got him was the journal.  He may never use it, and that is perfectly fine.  I would actually hope he’d at least use it in some random way like to start a fire in some strange act of survivalism. At least then I would know it had served a purpose other than to collect dust.  I wrote him a note in this one.  A tradition I enjoy doing when gifting books or journals.  I believe they always add more meaning to the gift.  I’m weird.  I know this, but it makes it more personal when you write down a tiny bit of your heart on paper.  The journal is for one thing, his memories.  I told him to write down anything he wanted to.  Memories of his childhood, my childhood, whatever he wanted.  As long as they were memories.  They could be happy or sad or whatever.  I figure since we don’t sit down and have heartfelt conversations, maybe I could get to know him this way.  It’s a thought, right?  So now we will just have to see if he does anything with it.  He’s a busy man, and his free time is usually filled with something, so adding something to a voluntary to-do list may be out of the question.  I don’t know.  

What I do know is time passes faster than we realize.  Faster than I realize.  I wish there were more times than the random holidays when family would get together and talk story.  We have moved so far beyond the days of sitting around fires and sharing stories and passing on tall tales and valiant battles. Although let me just put this out there, I am a horrible story teller!!!  Absolutely terrible!  I can write a story, but saying it out loud it becomes some garbled mess of words with no point.  What I think I am really trying to say through this post, is that I do not want to speak at the funeral of a man I do not know.  Time is only going to increase in speed, and there is only so much time to get to know anyone.  If I don’t get to know the man who helped bring me into this world (albeit accidentally), then I have no one to blame but myself. He has been a dutiful dad, and I miss the days when we would play a new Nintendo game or build a new Lego set.  Those days are gone.  Now I don’t know him at all.  No more train rides.  More more high railing.  No more jumping through inner tubes in the pool.  No more running through waves at the beach.  All those memories I have from so long ago.  All the memories that aren’t made due to not knowing how to make them anymore.  Time is fleeting, and memories fade…

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Birthday Dad

-Bonnie

   
 

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May 14

Just Another Day Not In Paradise…

by oceangrrrl

Living in Texas you know that Spring brings with it rain and storms and tornados and lots of wind.  We have been going through a pretty bad drought the last few years, and lake levels had been getting lower and lower and well, you get my point.  This Spring has brought so much rain that lakes are finally reaching and surpassing their normal levels!!!  Yay!!!!  But it keeps raining.  There are still clouds and gray skies and storms and uck!  I’m not complaining, we need all this rain, but come on.  Let us have some sunshiney days already!  Again, not complaining.  My mood just enjoys the sunshine a hell of a lot more than the dull gray that has been looming.  :-/

Spring also brings with it baseball season!!!!  Woohoo!!!!  I love going back to baseball games, and of course my favorite team is the Rangers!!!!  I’ve been to three games so far with a fourth one planned two weeks from today.  Heck!  I might go to another one next week for shits and giggles!!!  My game attendance doesn’t even compare to my best friend’s who has been to at least six or seven games so far.  Heck!  Two this week alone!  So much fun!!!!

Finally picked my bike up from the shop this week after leaving it there for a tune up and new cables nearly three months ago!  Took it out for a nice spin on Tuesday!  It was actually cold out!  Ok.  So not really cold per se, but it felt cold enough!  I think it was around 71 or something.  I know I know!  Not cold!  But this is someone who has already adjusted to the warmer temps of the upper eighties dammit!  Holy F!  The sun is shining right now!!  Please stick around!!!!!  

Anyway, as I had mentioned before, I decided against renting that room to instead opt for living with my parents.  Not something I am proud of, but it’s far too hot in the car at night, and it is what it is.  I enjoy getting to spend the extra time with family.  There’s only so much time you get with them in this one shot at life.  🙂  I am lucky that I live so close by.  An hour drive is really nothing when I think about the 7 hour flights from Hawaii to get back to the mainland to see everyone.  But I do miss living in paradise.  Every.  Single.  Day.  And one of these years I will get back out there!  Not just to visit, although I do plan on hopefully taking the mini me out there next summer.  She misses it too.  Now that she’s a few years older we can do more hiking and snorkeling and stuff like that.  I’m excited!  A year away, but it’s something to definitely look forward to!

Today work had a luncheon for a girl who is moving on to bigger and better things.  There was even money put into a gift card for her!  I was asked if I would like to contribute.  Nope! Was I going to the luncheon?  Nope!  Do I really give a shit?  Nope!  Do I even like this girl?  Nope!  Let’s just say she said some rude things about me thinking I wasn’t there to overhear.  She’s not on my favorites list.  Fake!  So I am happily sitting outside in my car, alone, and enjoying hearing the birds sing and writing on my blog.  I could be taking a nap, but this seems far more productive.  🙂

Anyway, I just thought I would write a quick blurb today of randomness.  Daydreaming about baseball and beer and paradise. Also dreaming about the puddles drying the F up so that I can get my skate on again!!!!!  This is just ridiculous!  Alright!  Enjoy your day and your week!  Ciao for now!

-Bonnie

Thinking about getting one of these.  Thoughts?  Would love to hear them!

   
 

   
 Got these about a week and a half ago!  Stupid Fitbit left marks on my wrist, but oh well.  

   
 

And here are some random funnies!

   
       

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May 8

Vaginas Suck!  Sometimes.  And Some Other Things…

by oceangrrrl

So!  This post is for the ladies!  For the most part anyway. It is actually the product of a conversation I had with a friend earlier today, and she suggested I write about it.  So guess what!  I am!  For the guys who read this shit, you might feel at times, how can I put it, uncomfortable?  You might learn something.  Who knows!  You may find a great deal of humor in this one!  Hopefully the women reading this will see the humor!  Please see it!  😉

Some of us are currently, have, will be, have yet to, or will never go through again the joys of being a woman.  Every.  Single.  Month. Or like some, once every three months, or six months, or sporadically.  Now I won’t go into details, but I am pretty sure you are on the right track with what I am referring to.  Thank you Auntie. We know you love to visit, but we wish your visits weren’t so frequent and annoying.  It isn’t just the inconvenience of your visit, it’s the hormonal insanity you put us through!  The uncontrollable urge to want to eat everything!  The crazy sudden outbursts of anger due to the lack of patience!  The random crying during sappy commercials!  The insecurity.  The bloating. The sleepiness.  The headaches.  The discomfort.  The list goes on and on.  For some it is a walk in the park. For others it is hell.  Pure hell.  Picture this. You’re sitting around after eating a huge meal, and what’s that?  You’re still hungry?  Seconds please!  Then!  You need something sweet!  Bag of peanut butter cups?  Gone!  Glass of wine?  That bottle was excellent! Get my point?  And even after that you could still probably eat that half a cake sitting in the fridge.  On top of that, while eating until your stomach could quite possibly explode, that damn ASPCA commercial comes on!  Damn you Sarah Mclachlan!  Damn you sad animals with the big eyes!  Damn you all!!!  Catch my drift?

That’s not the only reason why vaginas suck at times.  You’d think that’s enough, but wait!  There’s more!  Take the workplace for instance.  You work in a very male dominated field.  You work with a bunch of guys.  Your sense of humor is probably far worse than theirs, but can you crack the same kind of jokes?  Oh hell no!  While the boys can crack jokes laced with immature, sexual humor, you do it and they look at you like you just said the words vaginal discharge. Yeah.  That face.  It is a gross word pairing, but I am just using it as a reference.  Let’s face it, no one likes to actually talk about THAT!  Then you complain about something or someone, and it is automatically assumed you are just bitching.  Whining.  Complaining. On the rag.  You name it. Automatically labeled as hormonal. Never fails.  No matter how much like one of the guys you may think you are, you still have a vajayjay, and it can never measure up in the length department.  

Now picture you work in a female dominant company. Oh the cattiness!  Not only does everyone sync up like a Fitbit to Bluetooth, but then you’re all hormonally out of whack!  Being bitchy and being catty really are two different things, but they aren’t separated by much.  Catty is a bit more behind the back.  They are the things you say to others about someone ranging from how much something is not in their job description to how that new girl’s haircut makes her look like a boy. Shit like that.  The bitchiness?  The things you say to that person.  To their face. That’s being a bitch.  And we ladies are guilty.  You would think we’d unite over our shared joys of reproductive organs, but nope.  It’s like we are constantly in some sort of competition for what we don’t know, and we can’t help it.  It just is.  It just happens.  Vaginas suck.  

Although there are plenty of times when they don’t.  I’m not going into any details.  Ladies, take a moment and think about those joys.  Aaaaaahhhhhh.  Much better.  🙂  Now quit bitchin about my lady post!  I kid I kid!   We ladies are pretty kick ass, and we know we are.  We definitely don’t need dingleberries to prove it!  Onto the other things…

So I decided not to rent that room.  There are a few reasons as to why, but it will just be better all around if I don’t.  I will continue with my original plan of back and forth between my mom’s and dad’s.  It will be better for the mini me as well since she will be close to her friends over the summer.  Definite plus!  This also means that my current living quarters will be moved out of my car in order to use it as it is intended.  Basically, I’ll be able to shuffle teenage girls around as needed.  Not a bad thing!   

Training has been going well.  Workouts have been changed up this month, and even though I am supposed to throw in a couple days of HIIT training a week on my off days, I have been entirely unmotivated to do it.  I have just been so damn tired the past couple weeks, and I know I need to get my ass in gear!  I don’t know why I am being so lazy with this, but I really need to be running every day at lunch again. At least a walk or something!  But I don’t wanna!  I know I should!  But I’m not.  I’ll get back into it.  Just currently in a bad slump.  I’ll pull through I hope.  Words of encouragement are welcome!!!!  🙂

Anyway, that’s the sort of the randomness that’s going on in my life.  I was asked why I was single by the old guy I spoke to about renting the room. I was also told I was a strange woman for not wanting a man to pay for everything and be taken care of.  Yeah.  Guess I’m strange.  No wonder I’m single!  Hahahahaha!!!!  

Alright!  I am off to bed!  And I got some more art done.  Nighty night!!!

-Bonnie

   
                 

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May 5

Time To Stop With The Laziness!!!!

by oceangrrrl

As most of you have noticed, I have not been in my car for quite a while. Why? Well, I have been lazy. Yes!  It’s true!  L-A-Z-Y!!!  I have been enjoying the comfort and convenience and family for a few extra weeks, but the time has come where I have felt that I have come to the verge of wearing out my welcome.  This is the feeling I was hoping to never feel when staying with anyone.  So, I am currently hoping to find out about that room for rent this week.  If it all works out I may have a place for the summer.  If not, I will be buying some battery operated fans until I do.  Maybe buying some screen material too.  Maybe rigging up a swamp cooler or something.  We shall see.  So keep your fingers crossed that this guy renting a room isn’t completely oogie!  I’m basically going to just shower and sleep there during the week.  If cats are welcome that’s even more of a plus, because one of mine is driving my mom nuts, and she’s threatening to throw her outside.  I am taking the threats seriously. So, unless someone wants to volunteer to watch a cat for a few months, I need to find a place that’s pet friendly.  That makes it even more difficult, but not impossible. Wish me luck!

A lot of you don’t know that I got some artwork done last Wednesday.  I am planning on getting more done in the very near future.  

  

It’s on my right shoulder and it is an ode to my grandma.  I miss her everyday.  The next couple I get will be for my mom and my mini me, and they will just have to see.  The pieces I plan on getting all have meanings to me whether the people they represent understand them or not.  Have no fear.  I will not be getting any tats on my face. You know. Just in case that thought randomly occurred to you and struck you with momentary horror!   

This past weekend was pretty awesome!  Tiring but totally worth it!!  Friday I had my brew mile and went to an art show in Deep Ellum.  My trainer actually ran it with me!  It was a ton of fun!!!  Then I kicked his ass at cornhole.  That was even more fun!  Saturday morning was a terrible day for training, but I went, and it was awful.  Between the serious lack of sleep and a lot of beer the night before, my body didn’t want any part of it!  None!  It was baaaaaaaaad.  That afternoon was my friend’s birthday gathering at a coworker’s house.  He and his wife made a ton of homemade pizza, and it was sooooooooo good!!!  I hadn’t eaten pizza in over four months, so I definitely enjoyed it! Beer, pizza, good people, it was great!  Hung out at her house that night where we watched Ouija.  It was stupid.  It was a stupid horror film   The funny part was that my mini me and my friend were both creeped out and couldn’t sleep.  I made it worse by cracking jokes in poor, horror taste, and I had a blast!  I don’t think she’ll ever watch another scary movie with me.  

Sunday was MayFest!!!  Annual tradition with the munchkin, and my friend joined us with her two munchkins.  It was a lot of fun!  Rode some rides.  Got to eat my fries Oreos and meat pies from the same vendor who is there every year!  Her food is so damn good!!!  Tried her gator bites, which were far better than any I have eaten at a Cajun place. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!  We walked around the vendors that were set up, and the two younger kids did sand art.  We rode on the Ferris wheel, and the mini me and I rode the tilt a whirl!  We were both super excited it was back, because it wasn’t there last year.  Got to pet the waterskiing squirrel!!  So cute!!!  Got to feed a white tiger!  That was pretty cool!  I’ll post pics of it all at the bottom.  

Anyway, I am super sleepy and need to get to passing out. Oh!  My munchkin has her colorguard tryouts going on this week!  Keep your fingers crossed that she makes the varsity team for her freshman year of high school!!  She is growing up way too fast!!!  She’s also super talented at what she does, and she loves it!  I am pretty sure she’ll make it, since she practices every chance she gets!  Alright, hope you at least slightly enjoyed the post tonight.  I have more I could write about, but it’s late.  I’ll write more in the next couple days. Good night and sweet dreams!!!

-Bonnie

   

               

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Apr 30

For My Angel Pie…

by oceangrrrl

This post is for you, sweet girl!  As much as I brag about how awesome you are, or however many silly stories I share about your inherited grace, it’s always nice to remind you of how much you are loved.  You are such a beautiful, intelligent and strong young lady, who occasionally walks into doorways.  You are amazing to watch when performing your colorguard routines, and I can’t wait to hear how you do at tryouts next week!  I know how much work you put into getting better and better every single day, and I have seen the bruises and heard you whine about the soreness, but you keep getting better at your sport!   So don’t give it up!  Keep having fun!

Although you sometimes admit to studying just before taking a test (we’ve all done it!), you still tend to amaze and do well!  Most of the time.  Tisk tisk!  Bad grades happen sometimes.  It’s all part of learning.  You did outstanding on your STAAR tests, excelling at the reading portion to be categorized as advanced, and that is pretty amazeballs!!!!  Your schedule next year looks ridiculously insane, but I know you can handle it!  You have a great brain (you’re welcome), and you just need to remember to keep your focus (it will be tough) and keep trudging onward.   You can do it!

When you play the guitar you sound amazing! You learn new songs and enjoy playing them, and the more you practice the better you get! You also make mama happy and proud hearing you play; especially when you play songs together!  That really makes her day!!!  You are incredibly gifted when it comes to painting and drawing, and I hope you never stop.  I know school and colorguard will make it difficult the next four years, but never give it up!  Sketch and paint whenever you get a chance.  It will always help clear your mind!

After listing that tiny amount of the awesomeness about you (because trust me, I could go on ALL night), I am going to get some sleep!  So, Madi girl, always remember how much you are loved!!!  Never forget that!!!!  I love you more than the Earth loves the Sun!!!!  Good night and sweet dreams!!!  You make me proud to be your mom, and you make life so much greater for the people around you who get to see that beautiful spirit of yours!!!  Keep shining your brightness everywhere you go!  You light up the hearts of all those who are lucky enough to be around you!  I love you, angel pie!  😘😘😘😘😘😘

-Bonnie

   

                 

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Apr 22

I Will Never Be A Good Wife – Part 2

by oceangrrrl

Hmmmmmmm.  So I received some very good comments from friends about Part 1.  You guys truly make me think about things a bit more, and I LOVE getting feedback and/or encouragement!  It motivates me to write more often.  Whether or not you want to read this shit more often, well, I’m not holding a gun to your head. 

Anyway, so I need to stop trying to find this ideal I have in my head.  It does get a bit discouraging when hope begins to wane more and more each day, but it’ll happen. Right? Maybe?  One of these years?  So back to the title!

I tried to think about the times where I messed up in past relationships, and I figured out it was when I stopped being me.  I mean, some relationships ended due to the idiot I was with at the time, and I was a fool for even being with that person in the first place!  I have got to learn my lesson there and stop lowering my standards to the point of being blindly stupid!  Ugh!  So yeah.  I have a quick temper at times, but it dissipates just as quickly.  Sometimes the blood boils before the brain gets a proper second to actually think about what’s going on or being said.  I really do try to be open.  The biggest issue I have is saying what I feel.  This is hard.  I am much better at writing!  It gives me a chance to think before I spew out craziness!  But when you’re with someone who puts you down for saying how you feel, it just builds up more resistance about sharing those things.  So now I have a more difficult challenge for the future!  Oh joy!

Being a good wife to some people means taking care of your man.  Oh the feminists just got a bit warm with that one!  And it makes sense.  To a point!  There are limits.  Women are no longer stupid and popping out babies at home (ok, not ALL of them).  This has brought in a rather new side to the whole marriage thing.  I don’t expect a husband to take complete care of me.  I think it should be pretty split.  If I lose a job and need the support, there ya go!  And vice versa!  I feel that I should want to do those extra things wives should do.  It’s about respect and sharing and being grateful and not taking eachother for granted.  That’s hard.  It’s easy to get used to the other half doing things for you and not giving those actions a second thought.  I like feedback.  I like to hear and say thank you.  Not half-assed but genuine.  Why does this fade so easily?  Better yet, why do we let it fade in the first place?  

Ever since my little adventure begin last November, I have let go of a lot of the things in my life, such as stuff!  At times I feel like I should just sell everything in my storage unit. Other times I think of how much it would cost to replace all that crap!  Ugh!  I just don’t know.  So I guess any man in my future would have to be lower on the materialism scale.  I mean, I like nice things, don’t get me wrong, but it is all just stuff in the end.  Stuff!  Crap!  Randomness no one else will enjoy much of when I die!  It’s just the way it is.  

So where could this guy be?  I keep trying to define him a bit more each time, but he is really super awesome at playing hide and seek!  Seriously though. I’m cool with blind dates!  I’m down for a group, blind date!  Bring it!!!  I need to get out more anyway!!!  Hiking anyone?  Maybe some indoor rock climbing?  Rangers game?  Lez go!!!!  🙂

Hopefully this guy won’t mind when I blast my music and sing at the top of my lungs when I’m cleaning!  Hopefully he won’t mind too much when I drive fast.  The reason I don’t own anything sporty!  There is a frickin fly somewhere in this room that keeps buzzing me from time to time. It’s dark, and I can’t see it!  Stupid bug!!!!  Anyway, hopefully this guy would take the initiative and kill this bug for me!!!!!  Hopefully this guy thinks it’s cute when I walk through the flower section at the grocery store to smell everything.  Yes.  I do this!  Even when I am alone.  It makes me smile.  🙂

Perhaps I turn out to be an ok wife in the future.  I’ll always try to make him happy.  I will play Call of Duty of the XBox, just not ALL the time.  Sometimes I want to play Tomb Raider or Skyrim!  Yep!  My geek points went up for admitting that!  Yay!  I’ll cook if you wash the dishes, because that is my least favorite part about cooking.  I will not get upset if the food I cook is not very good, but he’d have to be honest about it.  There is nothing worse than someone lying to not hurt feelings all the while knowing they are setting up their doom down the line.  That crappy dish would be made again and again unless something is said about it.  I know I can be frustrating. I’m a girl. Alright, woman.  But that doesn’t mean hormones don’t take over from time to time, and I can cry when a sad commercial comes on or be easily aggravated for no reason. It happens.  Sometimes it can’t be helped, but I will always apologize when I know I’m in the wrong.  Guy has to love cats and dogs and horses and animals in general.  The kindness he shows to animals (and his mom and my daughter) says a lot more about character than most people realize.  The way he treats strangers is also a big character giveaway.  

I think I am putting too much thought into this dream guy, but I know the right one is out there.  Somewhere.  I will find this particular piece of cheese somewhere in this maze!  Maybe he’s a sharp cheddar or a pepper jack?  I can only hope!  So my conclusion from all this is that no, I won’t be a good wife.  I’ll be fucking awesome!  As awesome as possible. Damn bug again!!!!  Argh!!!!  I will be far from perfect, and I will always have emotional baggage, but I will try to dump as much of that crap as possible before meeting him.  As I’ve said before, I’m still working on me, but it can’t hurt to start looking now, right?  Well, I’m doing A LOT of looking. I can look dammit!!!  Doesn’t mean I’m making any moves.  Or eye contact.  :-/

So with that I am going to sleep.  It has been a busy week, and I am tired.  By the way, I got my new skates in today!!!!!  Gave them a 14 mile test skate, and I am absolutely in love with them!!!  😀 

Good night and happy dreams!!!!

-Bonnie

   

         

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