Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

I Will Never Be A Good Wife – Part 2

Hmmmmmmm.  So I received some very good comments from friends about Part 1.  You guys truly make me think about things a bit more, and I LOVE getting feedback and/or encouragement!  It motivates me to write more often.  Whether or not you want to read this shit more often, well, I’m not holding a gun to your head. 

Anyway, so I need to stop trying to find this ideal I have in my head.  It does get a bit discouraging when hope begins to wane more and more each day, but it’ll happen. Right? Maybe?  One of these years?  So back to the title!

I tried to think about the times where I messed up in past relationships, and I figured out it was when I stopped being me.  I mean, some relationships ended due to the idiot I was with at the time, and I was a fool for even being with that person in the first place!  I have got to learn my lesson there and stop lowering my standards to the point of being blindly stupid!  Ugh!  So yeah.  I have a quick temper at times, but it dissipates just as quickly.  Sometimes the blood boils before the brain gets a proper second to actually think about what’s going on or being said.  I really do try to be open.  The biggest issue I have is saying what I feel.  This is hard.  I am much better at writing!  It gives me a chance to think before I spew out craziness!  But when you’re with someone who puts you down for saying how you feel, it just builds up more resistance about sharing those things.  So now I have a more difficult challenge for the future!  Oh joy!

Being a good wife to some people means taking care of your man.  Oh the feminists just got a bit warm with that one!  And it makes sense.  To a point!  There are limits.  Women are no longer stupid and popping out babies at home (ok, not ALL of them).  This has brought in a rather new side to the whole marriage thing.  I don’t expect a husband to take complete care of me.  I think it should be pretty split.  If I lose a job and need the support, there ya go!  And vice versa!  I feel that I should want to do those extra things wives should do.  It’s about respect and sharing and being grateful and not taking eachother for granted.  That’s hard.  It’s easy to get used to the other half doing things for you and not giving those actions a second thought.  I like feedback.  I like to hear and say thank you.  Not half-assed but genuine.  Why does this fade so easily?  Better yet, why do we let it fade in the first place?  

Ever since my little adventure begin last November, I have let go of a lot of the things in my life, such as stuff!  At times I feel like I should just sell everything in my storage unit. Other times I think of how much it would cost to replace all that crap!  Ugh!  I just don’t know.  So I guess any man in my future would have to be lower on the materialism scale.  I mean, I like nice things, don’t get me wrong, but it is all just stuff in the end.  Stuff!  Crap!  Randomness no one else will enjoy much of when I die!  It’s just the way it is.  

So where could this guy be?  I keep trying to define him a bit more each time, but he is really super awesome at playing hide and seek!  Seriously though. I’m cool with blind dates!  I’m down for a group, blind date!  Bring it!!!  I need to get out more anyway!!!  Hiking anyone?  Maybe some indoor rock climbing?  Rangers game?  Lez go!!!!  🙂

Hopefully this guy won’t mind when I blast my music and sing at the top of my lungs when I’m cleaning!  Hopefully he won’t mind too much when I drive fast.  The reason I don’t own anything sporty!  There is a frickin fly somewhere in this room that keeps buzzing me from time to time. It’s dark, and I can’t see it!  Stupid bug!!!!  Anyway, hopefully this guy would take the initiative and kill this bug for me!!!!!  Hopefully this guy thinks it’s cute when I walk through the flower section at the grocery store to smell everything.  Yes.  I do this!  Even when I am alone.  It makes me smile.  🙂

Perhaps I turn out to be an ok wife in the future.  I’ll always try to make him happy.  I will play Call of Duty of the XBox, just not ALL the time.  Sometimes I want to play Tomb Raider or Skyrim!  Yep!  My geek points went up for admitting that!  Yay!  I’ll cook if you wash the dishes, because that is my least favorite part about cooking.  I will not get upset if the food I cook is not very good, but he’d have to be honest about it.  There is nothing worse than someone lying to not hurt feelings all the while knowing they are setting up their doom down the line.  That crappy dish would be made again and again unless something is said about it.  I know I can be frustrating. I’m a girl. Alright, woman.  But that doesn’t mean hormones don’t take over from time to time, and I can cry when a sad commercial comes on or be easily aggravated for no reason. It happens.  Sometimes it can’t be helped, but I will always apologize when I know I’m in the wrong.  Guy has to love cats and dogs and horses and animals in general.  The kindness he shows to animals (and his mom and my daughter) says a lot more about character than most people realize.  The way he treats strangers is also a big character giveaway.  

I think I am putting too much thought into this dream guy, but I know the right one is out there.  Somewhere.  I will find this particular piece of cheese somewhere in this maze!  Maybe he’s a sharp cheddar or a pepper jack?  I can only hope!  So my conclusion from all this is that no, I won’t be a good wife.  I’ll be fucking awesome!  As awesome as possible. Damn bug again!!!!  Argh!!!!  I will be far from perfect, and I will always have emotional baggage, but I will try to dump as much of that crap as possible before meeting him.  As I’ve said before, I’m still working on me, but it can’t hurt to start looking now, right?  Well, I’m doing A LOT of looking. I can look dammit!!!  Doesn’t mean I’m making any moves.  Or eye contact.  :-/

So with that I am going to sleep.  It has been a busy week, and I am tired.  By the way, I got my new skates in today!!!!!  Gave them a 14 mile test skate, and I am absolutely in love with them!!!  😀 

Good night and happy dreams!!!!

-Bonnie

   

         

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I Will Never Be A Good Wife – Part One

I was thinking. Yeah I know.  Not much good comes from doing such things, but alas!  I was thinking!  Yes!  It happens from time to time!  Stop being a smartass!!!!  I dye my hair blond so people expect less of me. It’s not working though…

Anyway, I was thinking about the past, present and future.  It’s clear to me that I will never be a “good” wife.   It sounds a bit strange, but it makes perfect sense in my head.  The more I think about it the more I believe that I probably won’t ever get married again. I’m not saying I will never get married again, but it would take one hell of man to get me to voluntarily and happily walk down any sort of aisle ever again.  Like I said though, never said never.  😉

The more I think about it though, the more I realize that I need to find a best friend.  You know, someone who likes to play sports, go hiking, wants to travel, is open minded and accepting of others, likes to go to sporting events, drink beer, learn new things, try new foods, is kind to others, enjoys watching movies on the couch, loves going to beaches, willing to be an adult when necessary, will stand up for me if someone puts me down, will show that he loves me with small gestures, will hold my hand in public, will kiss my neck at random times, will be able to tell me he loves me with just a look, knows what it takes to be a man, won’t put me down, will listen to rather than attempt to solve my problems.  You know.   It’s pretty standard.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  It seems to  be pretty “typical guy-ish” to me.  But where the hell is this guy?!  Ugh!  

So, back to why I won’t be a good wife.  I will be more of a best friend than a wife.  I will be the one who wants to hang with the guys.  I will expect to do all the things I enjoy now without having permission.   I will not be inconsiderate of his feelings, but I will expect the same courtesies that I also bestow.  Chick friends?  No worries!  My guy friends?  I will still hang out with them!  He can join me!  That’s fine!  But I will not give up my friends to please his ego.  I will not cook dinner every night.  I will not clean up after you.  I will not be the only one doing housework.  I will help with fixing things around the house.  I have my own toolbox.  I don’t need no man, unless there are wasps around.  No smoking.  No dip.  Yes drinking.  Yes playing!  Let’s go play catch!  Let’s run an o stacke race together!  

WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GUY?!?!?!?!?!?!

I see joy and happiness and laughter in my future, but I don’t know when!  Will I still be able to do all these things by the time this guy comes around?  Should I just be making friends and not worry about it being anything more?  I don’t want to end up being alone, but geez!  Alright life, I get it!  My “need” to be with someone else is more of a want at the moment.  Yes!  I realize I am stil working on myself!  Yes!  I know I need to work on my balance!   Yes, I knots not that terrible being alone.  I know I know.  

So that’s part one.  I plan on adding more tomorrow.  Anyone know anyone to hook me up with for a blind date?  I’ll rob a cradle.  😉   Does not have to be my age (34).  Make it less than 50 though.  Just saying.  Remember that I mentioned a lot of action oriented activities above.  Good night and sweet dreams!  

-Bonnie 

         

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