Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

I Miss You…

We all miss something or someone or some time or some place or some experience. There’s a hole somewhere. A place that can only be filled with memories or imagination. I know a lot of times I’ll say I miss being a kid. And it’s not that I can’t run around or go climb trees or explore, it’s just that I make excuses that I’m tired, I want to sleep in, that’s private property, I don’t want to get hurt, I don’t have time, my knee is acting iffy, etc. It’s sad that I somehow deny myself those simple, childish joys. I feel the urge to get out and do more, but it’s so nice just relaxing in the hammock with my book or sitting on the back porch with Sausage, whose favorite thing to do is relax:

That’s Sausage. I really need to leash train that little beast so I can drag her around with me in the great outdoors. I’ll let you know if that is even a possibility. 😂

But back to missing things.

So what has brought about this sort of laziness? I miss the never ending curiousness and energy I once had. I think once you get to my age it’s not that you’re old, but it’s more that you’re well aware time is actually pretty short. I’ll be thirty-eight this year, and yeah, I know, to some people that’s not old, that’s very true. I’m not old per se, but I am old enough to understand I’m not young anymore. I’m old enough to understand that life is short, and I need to spend time with the ones I love before time runs out. That also means I understand I have a limited amount of time to try things I’ve never done and enjoy things I love to do. Still, I don’t do them (not all of them anyway). And I know I’ll miss them if I let them slip away.

It is a curious thing to try to understand why these choices are made. It sort of circles back to my post about those super go go go people. It’s like they totally understand time is short and are doing everything they can to fill it. Then there are those people who really just don’t gaf. They let time go by and, well, maybe it doesn’t matter if they don’t care. Maybe that’s just one of the “keys” to getting through life happily (or just getting through it). You either understand and act upon squeezing as much life in as you can, or you go through life not caring so it doesn’t bother you? Am I an in-between-er? Is that even a category? Everything is categorized these days anyway, so I may as well stick a label on it right? But still, missing things. I keep missing my point here and drifting.

Missing things! I miss the youth I used to have. I miss the memory skills I used to have. I miss friends who were toxic to my life, and even though they were toxic, they were still a part of who I have become. I miss the family members in my life who are no longer with me. I miss the freedoms of being a kid and not having to adult. I miss summer vacations with cousins, and just being able to actually go on one. I miss the newness of experiences growing up. I miss you. I miss me.

So here I go with another balance spiel. I keep getting myself stuck in the past at times. I know this doesn’t do me any good. Reminiscing about the past only makes you sad. It makes you long for things that are no longer obtainable. Memories, good or bad, can have a negative affect the more you dwell on them. Even the good memories can make you begin to wish for them again and distract you from experiencing good things right in front of your face. This seems to be a recurring issue with me. Maybe it is with everyone? Maybe some people are just better at jumping back into reality before the past begins to take over their thoughts? Here I go again creating more questions and digging deeper into something without actually fixing it. But maybe that’s what I need to do to be a better me? Maybe this sort of inner reflection is what I need to see me more clearly? To realize that I don’t need to miss who I was? Maybe I need to see past the past, and take joy in who I am becoming? Back in the times that I miss, all those experiences have helped shaped me into me. They helped shape you into you. And do I miss your younger you? Do I miss your not-as-wise-as-you-are-now you? Not at all! So why should I dwell on missing the old me? Well, the younger me, really, but you know what I mean.

Maybe this post can help us both look forward to what we will become. Maybe that’s the key to motivation and living life to the fullest? And maybe you have to take the time to miss the past, because it helps you plan and get excited about the future? Obviously I can’t answer that, but I think I’m pretty good at the introspection part of it all. So, me and balance. Gotta find the balance. Gotta enjoy the now. The past is done. It can’t be changed, and even if it hurts, it’s still there. The past can teach us so many lessons if we choose to learn from it, but it can also rip us apart and drag us down to live it over and over again and miss our now. Our own sort of Hell if you will.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Plus I’ve noticed my posts are sort of boring lately. I keep doing this look inward thing, and I can only imagine how exciting it is to continuously turn the mirror back at myself/yourself whatever. I’ll post something upbeat again soon I promise! It’s almost my mini-me’s 17th (yeah OMG!) birthday, and there are some good time’s ahead! Oh! I got to see the Alamo for the first time and cruise San Antonio’s river walk a little bit this past weekend! Yeah. I know. I live in Texas and hadn’t seen any of that yet. It’s a big state dammit!!! I’ve been pretty blessed to see some other things in my life that many will never see, so I’m just checking off some sites from my to-see list! I’m sure there will be some more San Antonio exploring and some river floating in my near future. Maybe even some peace and quiet and relaxation. I’ll let you know! Til then, ciao!

-Bonnie

Oh yeah! I’m getting more work done on a tattoo piece that I am so looking forward to getting done!!! So excited!!!!!!

Volleyball time with my mini and her bestie! Oh summer days and sunshine!!!!

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Let Me (Re)Introduce Myself…

Hi!

My name is Bonnie. I am a lover of the ocean, the mountains, the desserts, the forests, the grasslands, you name it! I am a bit of a sun whore who will probably end up dying from it (I know, terrible). I love food! I love cooking food! I love eating food! I love reading and writing and painting and speed skating and stand up paddling and climbing and hiking and drinking and challenges and cryptograms and making people smile and my daughter and my mom and family and friends who are family and friends who are friends. I realized this list could go on for far too long, so I’ll just stop there. But I’m pretty sure you get the idea. I do and love and enjoy a lot of things in life!

I am a believer in balance. I don’t necessarily follow any religions, but I do have my beliefs. I was raised Christian, and grew up going to small (like seriously teeny tiny) Christian schools until high school. Lemme tell ya! That was a shock to the system! I had never seen a locker before! No joke! My classes had maybe up to 21 people in them. Then I go to a school where I have to change rooms, and there are 300+ fellow classmates. It was strange not knowing everyone in my class or classes or anything. This was the end of my innocence for sure!!!

So, graduated high school with honors. Failed at my first attempt at college. Joined the Army. Got out of that early (story for another time). Married. Child. Divorced. Single mom. School from time to time. Married. Moved to Hawaii. Moved back to Texas. Divorced. Single mom. Child moved in with her dad. Alone. Stupid boyfriends. Lived in car. Lost friends. Moved into apartment. Really stupid boyfriend. Child moves back in. No more stupid boyfriend. Finally earned my AAS degree! Moved with child. Single mom again. Awesome boyfriend who was my first love from high school!!! Not joking!!! Thought he was dead honestly. 20 year HS reunion had me Google his name. There he was. Messaged him on FB. He messaged back. C’est la vie! Due to his request for privacy, I won’t be writing much directly about him. That’s about all you’re getting for now. 😉

Life is crazy for sure!!!!!

So, hi everyone! Even people who know me probably don’t know all of that, and it’s fun to share my randomness. I think that’s part of being human, passing down stories in general. Not that knowing more about me will do your life really any good, but it’ll help give you a base for any of my future posts. I had mentioned I believe in balance. That is a very huge part of who I am. Future posts will probably involve the misadventures of me trying to find my balance. I will do my best not to bore you, and fair warning: I have a crude sense of humor, and I swear a lot at times (especially if I’ve had a couple of adult beverages before I decide to write, or during, whatever), and I just want to make sure you know that before you get sucked in.

With that, I will try to get on here and write more often. This will be a sort of therapy for me like journaling. I may be brutally honest in some posts. Others might be pretty meh. The future holds so much adventure that I can’t wait to share with you!!!! Let’s see where we go!

-Bonnie 💙

That is my mini me. Life would be boring without her!!!! Love my amazing Angel Pie!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙

Yes. I do realize that is missing an “a”.

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Fireflies and Summer Things…

It has been a few days without rain here in good old Texas!  I got to enjoy the sun a bit more Sunday than I did Saturday, that’s for sure!  Driving my daughter back home Sunday night we noticed the lightning bugs were out.  Fireflies, lightning bugs, same thing. Anyway, it just made me start thinking about summer things.  The activities that make summers memorable for adults and kids and how they differ and what is missed or still enjoyed.   There are so many memories of summers I have had the pleasure to enjoy since I was little.   Summers spent flying to Texas from California to see my dad.  Day trips to Six Flags and what is now known as Hurricane Harbor (back in the day it was Wet’n’Wild!), family reunions in Daytona Beach, FL, or trips to Georgia.  The list goes on and on.  Swimming in the pool, going to the lake, crawfish boils with neighbors, baseball games, Busch Gardens, Washington DC, Baltimore Harbor, a train ride between Cali and Texas or Florida and Georgia, seeing the Amish for the first time, museums.  Like I said before, the list could go on and on, but I won’t bore you with my lists of random summer memories.   🙂

So what makes things so memorable to kids as they/you grow up and reflect on them?  Maybe it’s the first time experience?  Like my first trip to Disney World/Land just seemed to be magical. It was like being in another world! Not like it isn’t its own world, but for someone who had never been there and hadn’t been beaten down by the universe at that point, the sheer wonder of seeing all that awesomeness at once blinded my childhood mind from seeing anything but!  Now, as an adult, you go to the theme parks or water parks and you can’t help but think about just how gross some things truly are.  Like the sweaty seats on the rollercoaster in July, or what the hell is floating around in that lazy river, or the sawdust covering up someone’s lunch nearby.  Ok.  So maybe as a kid you would have noticed the last one, but I think you catch my drift.  

So do our minds change so much as we get older that we lose that sense of wonderment, or are we allowing being forced by societal norms to “act like adults?”  It’s a bit disheartening.  I like to think that I am keeping my childish senses intact, but I do find from time to time that I allow my boring, adult self to take control.  As a kid it was all about exploration.  Now, as much as I want to go exploring (I really do!) it’s as if I just get all lazy and stubborn; I have no one to go with, it’s hot, it’s muddy, people will think I am weird.  Yeah.  I know.  The last one shouldn’t really bother me.  People already think I am weird.  But I feel at times I pull off “normal (adult) citizen” quite frickin well, thank you!  Although it’s really not that hard to do.  😉

So, summer.  The time of hot days, cool water, tan lines, snow cones, driving with the top down, cookouts, ice cream, coolers of beer, dropping anchor, floating rivers, hiking, biking, camping, baseball, natural springs, lilikoi margaritas, jumping into waterfalls, snorkeling, swimming, stand up paddling, reading on blankets at the park, hammocks and wine, bonfires, sweet breezes, suntan oils, glistening skin, jumping off cliffs, blurry romances, shooting stars, outdoor concerts, patio seating with friends, windows down, flip-flops, short shorts, bikinis…

Just a small handful of summer memories and daydreams for you.  Hopefully your imagination ran wild for a minute and you added your own thoughts of summertime in there.  Here’s to summer!  May the magic of all your childhood memories compel you to act like a kid again! 

   
                 

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Cruisin Around Cali

Today I had two major items on my to do list. One was to get to a beach. The other was to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge. I checked out of the hotel this morning, after a fun adventure of tripping the breaker and losing power in my room while blow drying my hair. Yep. You read that right. Total first for me! I suggested on their guest card that they might want to look into that, along with replacing their mattress. So, I checked out, grabbed some Starbucks, got my car, and I headed for a beach. Nothing like the sound of crashing waves in the distance and the sweet sounds of the ocean running up the sandy shore. Love it!!!! I miss it!!! It had been far too long since I had even stepped foot on a beach, and it just soothed my soul.

After my soul soothing stroll along the beach, I hopped back in the car and just started driving. I incredibly made my way to the Golden Gate Bridge. I don’t know how, but who cares! It was pretty cool! Ended up just driving north a bit and then started making my way back south towards San Jose. Drove through Oakland and into Sunol. Drove to the crossing I’ll be working at tomorrow and had lunch at a small cafe directly next to it. We’ll see how the whole demo/sound testing goes. A little nervous, but I am enjoying the chance to prove myself out in the field. 🙂 I am definitely enjoying the chance to travel a bit.

Anyway, for a homeless person I seem to get around! Thank you for pointing that out, mom! Wish me luck tomorrow! And with that I am off to sleep! Have a great night and sweet dreams!!! 🙂

-B

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If You’re Going To San Francisco…

Well, I made it to San Fran for the weekend! All warm and relaxing on a horrible looking mattress. Guess we shall see how it sleeps. Looks like there has been way too much action on this thing as it is concave. Not a pleasant thought.

Anyway, let’s get off that subject!!! So I have no idea what I am going to do here. Kind of like the Boston trip, but I have actually been here before. Been a few years, but I know a couple of places I would like to see again. Definitely going to hit up Chinatown and Japantown. Probably going to head to Fisherman’s Wharf for some good food. Maybe I’ll take a bay tour. I do know I really want to sit on a beach somewhere. I don’t care if it’s cold. When you grow up on a beach and then don’t see one for a few years, you really miss it. Anyone who has ever had the opportunity to grow up loving the ocean will know exactly what I am talking about!

So I have to talk about this hotel! It’s weighing on my mind a bit! Just getting here from the airport is frustrating. The streets of this city are crazy stupid! Turn here, no turn here, taxi/bus only lanes, only left turns for transit. I finally made it to the hotel! You know what’s really sad though? I just totally passed out in the middle of writing this! I am tired!!!!

Eff it! I’m out! I’ll write more tomorrow. :). Good night and sweet dreams!

-B

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