Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Been Distant…

So, as usual, I haven’t taken the time to write anything new, and I figured why not take a couple of minutes to say that I am still alive.  It’s funny reading my last post, as it claims I miss living in my car among some other things.  

Gotta admit…

…life is funny as shit!

A few things in my life have changed since that last post. For starters, I only have two cats.  Sadly I had to put my sweet Cali down. I had never had to put a pet to sleep before, and I cried like a baby.  You know, you think to yourself and wonder wtf is wrong with me. Why am I acting like this?  It’s just a cat!  But no matter how much I tried to dismiss my own feelings as being stupid, the waterworks and heartbreak kept coming. Truth is, she really was part of my little family at home, and I miss her everyday.  Going into work the next day was difficult, because you can hold yourself together, but here’s the kicker, until someone mentions and acknowledges your loss.  Why is that?  I might need to do some research, because I am curious, because it seems sympathy and empathy from others forces you to feel those emotions all over again.  The tearing up, the lump in the throat, the knowing that the water levels are at the rim and about to pour over, and you know you have to walk away or let them see you cry.  A couple people got to see me cry.  At work. And I am NOT a fan of crying at work.  It usually only happens when I am super pissed the fuck off.  That is rare though.  You don’t want to see me angry and crying. For one it’s just not right, and two it’s a sign that my magma levels are on the verge of exploding in your face. 

Moving on…

I got to have my mini-me ALL of Christmas break, minus a couple days, and it was AWESOME!!!!!!  I love my Madi!  She is growing up to be such an amazing young lady, and she makes me so proud!  We didn’t have an exciting winter break, because I had to work a few days in there, and we didn’t go out of town or anything, but we still had fun!  She made out like a bandit, as usual, and she even got a new recurve bow for Christmas ( my man’s idea!).  We did some target practice, celebrated three different Christmases and a New Year, and we got the chance to relax a bit here and there.  She got to spend some time with family and went to the Armed Forces game with a friend.  All in all it was a blast!  It was nice to get to spend actually quality time with my daughter and chat about life and watch movies and stay up late and sleep in in the morning.  We didn’t get a skate in, but we did start running after the New Year.  My legs hurt for a week!  Sadly I had to get back to work, and she had to get back to school.  Besides, it’s winter guard season!!!!

Ready for a big update?

Well, you don’t really have a choice…

My man asked me to move in with him!  This is scary!  And exciting!  And I had to ask if he was sure (this has been a sensitive topic).  And I am excited! And frightened!  But most of all excited!!!  There’s just so much to do though!  Most guys aren’t super organized, we ladies know this.  Lord knows I love to be organized, but then reality takes over (ok, laziness), and then everything just becomes organized chaos.  I mean, I know where things are.  I think.  Where the hell did I put that…

So yeah!  Moving in!  Huge step!  Lots of stuff to throw away and move and organize and donate!  So.  Much.  Crap.  Got my old bed out of storage and set it up at his house over the weekend.  I plan to go through stuff and grab a couple things from storage this weekend. Maybe pack some stuff up I don’t use right now. We shall see.  I’m just trying my best to not procrastinate.  I’ll let you know how that goes.  

But it’s scary, right?  I haven’t been on this particular end of things.   Normally it’s someone moves in with me, not me moving in with them.  And even though there is a slightly frightening aspect to it, I couldn’t be more optimistic and thrilled!  I love this man. He’s difficult and moody and stubborn, but I love him.  He is kind and loving and understanding. He shares and supports and helps.  We have plenty of life to go through, and infinite experiences to share together, and I have never looked forward to that before as I do now. I told him that I think we are just two people how have been hurt too many times before and sick of crappy people.  I think the universe finally got tired of torturing us and had us meet.   Yay!!!

There’s a lot more that has happened, but I think I’ll leave you with that; full of hope and love and excitement and a touch of fear.  

And I’ll be out of my apartment by March 1st.  So if anyone wants to help me pack, come on over.  I have alcohols!  And food! 😉

Love,

Bonnie 
I miss my sweet Calikins…  😔


Birthday breakfast!!!!  It’s very close to Christmas!  

My dad and second mom got me tickets to see Trans Siberian Orchestra for my birthday!  My man had to work, so I got to take the mini!!!!

She was just trying the bow out at this point.  We went and bought it for her while she was preoccupied.  😁

She Robin Hooded it the next time we went to go practice!  

Even I got some practice time in with my new bow!  Love it!!!

Pretty much how I felt after celebrating three Thanksgivings and three Christmases and my birthday and New Year!  Holy cow!  That’s Sausage btw.  I love my fat cat!  Yes!  I know it’s unhealthy!  Stop body shaming my cat!

So fat…     Little sausage casing…  😂😂

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Happiness

Why is happiness so hard to hold onto?!  You see people who always seem to be happy on the outside.  They’re always friendly and smiling and ready to cheer everyone up, and they just make it look like the universe is in their corner. I try to be that person.  I try so hard.  But inside it is a typhoon of darkness and sadness and worries and stress and tears.  

Some people say happiness is a choice.  I agree.  It is a choice.  But damn if it isn’t one of the hardest ones.  It’s so easy to trip and fall into unhappiness. It’s so much easier to sink and sulk and pity yourself.  So why?  Why is something that is so incredibly good for you and everyone around you so difficult to achieve?  Why is it so much easier to let the mind wander into unhappiness when happiness is just around the corner?  Why does the corner seem so far away at times?  Ugh!  

I don’t have anything to be unhappy about.  Ok, well, I do, but I can choose to ignore it, right?  Does ignoring the things that make you unhappy keep you happy?  Of course that doesn’t work!  Ignoring it allows it to continue to fester and grow and creep in and then poke you constantly.  Yet it is seemingly easier to ignore it than fix it.  Why do some of us struggle with fixing the bad to make ourselves happier?  Is it denial?  Is it fear?  Is it ignorance?  Is it a combination of all of that and more?   

So I ask you, what makes you happy?  What helps keep you from focusing on the crap that can so easily turn your smile into a frown?  What is your secret?  I don’t want to be sad, and I don’t want to be grumpy, and I don’t want to whine about things when I can make it better.  I’m just curious.  I realize everyone has their own happy to find. I know one of my “happies”, but it isn’t feasible most of the time.  Let me know!

-Bonnie


From a recent trip to Long Island, NY. 

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