Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Isn’t It Funny…

…where life takes you? It’s always a journey you never expected. You’re supposed to learn from your experiences and grow and become better, right? When sometimes it just becomes this overwhelming mass of crap that hits you all at once. Someone can ask just the right question, and it stays in the back of your mind to ponder a day later. Then that breeds more questions. Then you start thinking about why you did certain things. Then you wonder what you did with your life. Seriously! What the hell have I been doing with myself? Twenty years! It took me TWENTY YEARS to get a TWO YEAR degree!!! HA!!! Pathetic!

I bring this up, because I was asked if there was a degree that I wanted, that if I could have any four year degree, what would it be. I could only come up with something stupid and boring and pointless. An art degree? So I could actually learn how to paint? For what?!

So that got me thinking. What am I doing? I love making people happy. I love seeing people smile. I enjoy listening to others offload, lighten the weight on their shoulders. I like to mediate. I like to bring peace to people’s hearts. So where do I begin? Would another piece of paper declare to others that I officially know how to make people smile?

But this is what I seem to be exceptionally good at: asking questions of myself. I never seem to be able to answer them, just open more windows. Nothing like opening doors for myself. Just windows. An opening big enough for me to peer through but not walk through.

So I’m left with another question to myself. What do I do now?

And I don’t need anyone’s thoughts on this. I just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head, because I know I’m not the only one who would read this and understand it completely. This blog was once a way to communicate to a very small group of people about the time I lived in my car. It has evolved over the past few years into a journal of sorts. It’s a way for me to get some of these thought clusters out of my damn head. Thank you for allowing me to put them into yours!

-Bonnie

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Happiness

Why is happiness so hard to hold onto?!  You see people who always seem to be happy on the outside.  They’re always friendly and smiling and ready to cheer everyone up, and they just make it look like the universe is in their corner. I try to be that person.  I try so hard.  But inside it is a typhoon of darkness and sadness and worries and stress and tears.  

Some people say happiness is a choice.  I agree.  It is a choice.  But damn if it isn’t one of the hardest ones.  It’s so easy to trip and fall into unhappiness. It’s so much easier to sink and sulk and pity yourself.  So why?  Why is something that is so incredibly good for you and everyone around you so difficult to achieve?  Why is it so much easier to let the mind wander into unhappiness when happiness is just around the corner?  Why does the corner seem so far away at times?  Ugh!  

I don’t have anything to be unhappy about.  Ok, well, I do, but I can choose to ignore it, right?  Does ignoring the things that make you unhappy keep you happy?  Of course that doesn’t work!  Ignoring it allows it to continue to fester and grow and creep in and then poke you constantly.  Yet it is seemingly easier to ignore it than fix it.  Why do some of us struggle with fixing the bad to make ourselves happier?  Is it denial?  Is it fear?  Is it ignorance?  Is it a combination of all of that and more?   

So I ask you, what makes you happy?  What helps keep you from focusing on the crap that can so easily turn your smile into a frown?  What is your secret?  I don’t want to be sad, and I don’t want to be grumpy, and I don’t want to whine about things when I can make it better.  I’m just curious.  I realize everyone has their own happy to find. I know one of my “happies”, but it isn’t feasible most of the time.  Let me know!

-Bonnie


From a recent trip to Long Island, NY. 

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