Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Fireflies and Summer Things…

It has been a few days without rain here in good old Texas!  I got to enjoy the sun a bit more Sunday than I did Saturday, that’s for sure!  Driving my daughter back home Sunday night we noticed the lightning bugs were out.  Fireflies, lightning bugs, same thing. Anyway, it just made me start thinking about summer things.  The activities that make summers memorable for adults and kids and how they differ and what is missed or still enjoyed.   There are so many memories of summers I have had the pleasure to enjoy since I was little.   Summers spent flying to Texas from California to see my dad.  Day trips to Six Flags and what is now known as Hurricane Harbor (back in the day it was Wet’n’Wild!), family reunions in Daytona Beach, FL, or trips to Georgia.  The list goes on and on.  Swimming in the pool, going to the lake, crawfish boils with neighbors, baseball games, Busch Gardens, Washington DC, Baltimore Harbor, a train ride between Cali and Texas or Florida and Georgia, seeing the Amish for the first time, museums.  Like I said before, the list could go on and on, but I won’t bore you with my lists of random summer memories.   🙂

So what makes things so memorable to kids as they/you grow up and reflect on them?  Maybe it’s the first time experience?  Like my first trip to Disney World/Land just seemed to be magical. It was like being in another world! Not like it isn’t its own world, but for someone who had never been there and hadn’t been beaten down by the universe at that point, the sheer wonder of seeing all that awesomeness at once blinded my childhood mind from seeing anything but!  Now, as an adult, you go to the theme parks or water parks and you can’t help but think about just how gross some things truly are.  Like the sweaty seats on the rollercoaster in July, or what the hell is floating around in that lazy river, or the sawdust covering up someone’s lunch nearby.  Ok.  So maybe as a kid you would have noticed the last one, but I think you catch my drift.  

So do our minds change so much as we get older that we lose that sense of wonderment, or are we allowing being forced by societal norms to “act like adults?”  It’s a bit disheartening.  I like to think that I am keeping my childish senses intact, but I do find from time to time that I allow my boring, adult self to take control.  As a kid it was all about exploration.  Now, as much as I want to go exploring (I really do!) it’s as if I just get all lazy and stubborn; I have no one to go with, it’s hot, it’s muddy, people will think I am weird.  Yeah.  I know.  The last one shouldn’t really bother me.  People already think I am weird.  But I feel at times I pull off “normal (adult) citizen” quite frickin well, thank you!  Although it’s really not that hard to do.  😉

So, summer.  The time of hot days, cool water, tan lines, snow cones, driving with the top down, cookouts, ice cream, coolers of beer, dropping anchor, floating rivers, hiking, biking, camping, baseball, natural springs, lilikoi margaritas, jumping into waterfalls, snorkeling, swimming, stand up paddling, reading on blankets at the park, hammocks and wine, bonfires, sweet breezes, suntan oils, glistening skin, jumping off cliffs, blurry romances, shooting stars, outdoor concerts, patio seating with friends, windows down, flip-flops, short shorts, bikinis…

Just a small handful of summer memories and daydreams for you.  Hopefully your imagination ran wild for a minute and you added your own thoughts of summertime in there.  Here’s to summer!  May the magic of all your childhood memories compel you to act like a kid again! 

   
                 

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Just Another Day Not In Paradise…

Living in Texas you know that Spring brings with it rain and storms and tornados and lots of wind.  We have been going through a pretty bad drought the last few years, and lake levels had been getting lower and lower and well, you get my point.  This Spring has brought so much rain that lakes are finally reaching and surpassing their normal levels!!!  Yay!!!!  But it keeps raining.  There are still clouds and gray skies and storms and uck!  I’m not complaining, we need all this rain, but come on.  Let us have some sunshiney days already!  Again, not complaining.  My mood just enjoys the sunshine a hell of a lot more than the dull gray that has been looming.  :-/

Spring also brings with it baseball season!!!!  Woohoo!!!!  I love going back to baseball games, and of course my favorite team is the Rangers!!!!  I’ve been to three games so far with a fourth one planned two weeks from today.  Heck!  I might go to another one next week for shits and giggles!!!  My game attendance doesn’t even compare to my best friend’s who has been to at least six or seven games so far.  Heck!  Two this week alone!  So much fun!!!!

Finally picked my bike up from the shop this week after leaving it there for a tune up and new cables nearly three months ago!  Took it out for a nice spin on Tuesday!  It was actually cold out!  Ok.  So not really cold per se, but it felt cold enough!  I think it was around 71 or something.  I know I know!  Not cold!  But this is someone who has already adjusted to the warmer temps of the upper eighties dammit!  Holy F!  The sun is shining right now!!  Please stick around!!!!!  

Anyway, as I had mentioned before, I decided against renting that room to instead opt for living with my parents.  Not something I am proud of, but it’s far too hot in the car at night, and it is what it is.  I enjoy getting to spend the extra time with family.  There’s only so much time you get with them in this one shot at life.  🙂  I am lucky that I live so close by.  An hour drive is really nothing when I think about the 7 hour flights from Hawaii to get back to the mainland to see everyone.  But I do miss living in paradise.  Every.  Single.  Day.  And one of these years I will get back out there!  Not just to visit, although I do plan on hopefully taking the mini me out there next summer.  She misses it too.  Now that she’s a few years older we can do more hiking and snorkeling and stuff like that.  I’m excited!  A year away, but it’s something to definitely look forward to!

Today work had a luncheon for a girl who is moving on to bigger and better things.  There was even money put into a gift card for her!  I was asked if I would like to contribute.  Nope! Was I going to the luncheon?  Nope!  Do I really give a shit?  Nope!  Do I even like this girl?  Nope!  Let’s just say she said some rude things about me thinking I wasn’t there to overhear.  She’s not on my favorites list.  Fake!  So I am happily sitting outside in my car, alone, and enjoying hearing the birds sing and writing on my blog.  I could be taking a nap, but this seems far more productive.  🙂

Anyway, I just thought I would write a quick blurb today of randomness.  Daydreaming about baseball and beer and paradise. Also dreaming about the puddles drying the F up so that I can get my skate on again!!!!!  This is just ridiculous!  Alright!  Enjoy your day and your week!  Ciao for now!

-Bonnie

Thinking about getting one of these.  Thoughts?  Would love to hear them!

   
 

   
 Got these about a week and a half ago!  Stupid Fitbit left marks on my wrist, but oh well.  

   
 

And here are some random funnies!

   
       

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Uninspired

i feel the urge to write, but at the moment I am completely uninspired as to what to write about.  Yes.  I do know I started this whole thing as a way to keep family and friends in the know about my whole car living situation. But this blog has turned into something more.  It has become a way for me to vent and humor and find myself and share my random experiences with others.  Whether my blog is popular or not, I understand not every post of mine will be enjoyed by the masses.  I have my mental breakdowns from time to time.  Trees can only bend so far sometimes before they crack and lose a branch.  But life goes on, and I can either grow new branches and learn from the experience(s), or I can wallow in sadness at the loss of one branch all the while blinded and not noticing the new growth around it.  

Life is a fragile thing.  So many highs and lows.  We all go through them. Some of us have lost or gained more than others.  I share a lot about balance and what my thoughts are.  I struggle to find my own balance while fighting gravitational pulls all around me.  It is a constant battle.  My theory is that the world is balanced whether we see it that way or not.  For every good deed there is a bad one.  For the light, there is the dark.  For the cold, the warmth and so on. Now, things may not be in perfect numerical balance, such as in the number of deaths and births, acts of love and hate, but it’s still a balance all the same.  We at times may teeter to one side or another, not realizing there are more than just two sides to everything.  There are gray areas that affect our balance continuously from little things we do everyday to the big things that come along once or twice in our lifetimes.  Balance is about choice, and the choice is ours, and of course, we are solely responsible for the choices we make. It’s hard.  Life is a big, fucking test.  

So the choice I am making about this post is a general one.  Perhaps a nonsensical sort of post that can be applied however you want. You may choose to no longer read it, and that is perfectly fine with me.  You may choose to read and dwell on it a bit and apply it to your current circumstances.  All I hope is that whatever I decide to write about today brings you some sort of joy.  Some joy in knowing that there is light somewhere.  Maybe it’s at the end of a tunnel?  Maybe you just need to flip on the switch?  Maybe you prefer the darkness for now, I hope not, but it’s your life.  I have no right to judge you as you have no right to judge me.  You may put me down to others or talk about my craziness as if you have done no wrong, and that’s fine.  I’m definitely not innocent of doing that.  I know I vent about others sometimes, and people piss me off from time to time, and I can say whatever I want to.  Most of the things I talk about are perceptions, and that does not make them truth.  It makes them catty.  I shouldn’t care what others think about me.  I should be a good enough human being as to where others wouldn’t think bad things about me, but even the best people have their haters.  Haters gonna hate.   😉

So now my post has just turned into a rambling mess of jumbled thoughts.  I am hoping there is a point to all of this, but it’s too early to guarantee it.  I’m still just typing away on my phone, in the bed of my mom’s truck, while laying out and soaking up some golden rays.  It’s nice.  There’s a cool wind blowing, and there are no clouds in sight.  Never mind. I see one cottonball in the sky.  :-/

Last night, a friend and I were texting back and forth.  She is stressing about losing a friendship, one that I feel was a bit toxic for her. She’s one of the sweetest people I know, and it bothers me knowing that I was probably the one who ruined it in a way.  Here is where life choices come into play.  Do you rekindle the friendship, knowing that it is going to cause you stress and unhappiness at times, or do you leave it as it is?  She has a huge heart, and I know it bothers her knowing someone doesn’t think it’s worth the time to be a true friend to her.  It’s tough.  I told her my thoughts on the matter.  I would allow it to remain over.  Trust me.  I have struggled with this same issue, and it wasn’t that long ago. I lost one of my best friends of 15 years.  Although our falling out was much more advanced in nature, I had to make the decision to be ok with dealing with an end to a friendship that ended up making me feel horrible about myself. It was the most toxic friendship ever.  It was friendship that lost the battle to his bruised ego and stubborn nature.  It hurt that someone I had spent so much of my life with didn’t feel the need to see past the hurts we had caused each other to maintain a friendship.  It wouldn’t have been the same, but we would have remained friends.  I miss him everyday.  I toss around the thought of contacting him at least once or twice a week.  It’s tough.  I try not to dwell on it, because all it does is bring sadness.  Anyway, enough about that.  It’s a tad depressing.  

Happy thoughts are what I would like to end this post on, but I don’t know where to go next.  Well, we did make it through some scary storms last night.  We survived the tornados!!!!    Woohoo!!!!  Alright.  I think my brain is done writing for the day.  I’m going to go enjoy a beer.  Ciao for now!!!  🙂

-Bonnie 

         

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Sunshine and Selfishness

Well, it’s finally Spring in Texas!!!!  Warmer weather has arrived!!!  It’s so nice being able to enjoy being outside and feeling the sun on my skin. I have missed it more than you could know, as I am a true sun worshipper and love soaking it up.  I’ll probably die from skin cancer or something, but you know what?  I couldn’t care less.  Oh I say that now!  I know you are all thinking, “Just wait until that actually happens and see if you retract that statement!”  And of course I wouldn’t!!!  If you know me at all, you know I am a sucker for some serious vitamin D production.  I will sweat profusely while reading a good book on a blanket at the park!  Yes!  I will!!!   Speaking of reading on blankets at the park in the sun, I really need to do that soon!!!  🙂

The warmer days are also a reminder that I will have to ditch my car living for a while until it cools back down in the Fall.  My plan was to rent a room during that time to keep expenses to a minimum, and I am not a fan of accepting assistance in the form of a free room offered by family.  The thought is very tempting due to my having my mini me over the Summer here and there, and I plan on accepting the offers given to me with humble and gracious thanks.  I will not take these offers lightly and plan on earning my keep during my free stays.  So with that being said, thank you mom and Mindy.  I will be bouncing between you both until cooler weather arrives.  Just let me know what you need done around the home fronts.  🙂  I love you both!

A strange thing happened last night.  I arrived at my “home spot” to find that my dad was at the office. I don’t think he left until 10 pm or so.  Texting with my dad is really not his forté. He is one who would rather talk on the phone.  Personally I hate talking on the phone.  Being the introvert that I am, I prefer writing.  It’s the easiest way for me to get my thoughts clearly out there in the world.  When I talk, I go full tard, and you’re never supposed to go full tard.  Ever!  Yes!  I am in the phone quite a bit at work.  It’s required to do what I do. Do I like it?  That’s a big nope!  But it has to be done, dammit!!!  Anyway, way off course there. So my dad drives by me.  At this point I had already closed up shop for the night.  There’s no way you would even know I was in my car.  You could walk up to my windows, shine a light wherever possible, and you still wouldn’t be able to see me.  So I texted him asking if he could see me.  No response.  Then I explained that I knew he didn’t like my staying in my car, but it was actually fun, and I enjoyed it. No response.  Hmmm.  No response later.  Nothing today either.  So of course this gets my wheels turning.  And when the wheels are turning there are a lot of negatives running through the gears.  So I came to the mental conclusion that I embarrass the shit out of my dad, and he probably feels I am being selfish by doing this to him and making him look bad by not just staying at his house this whole time.  It was offered when I started this whole thing, and it was declined multiple times.  Actually a strange thing for my dad to offer, since he normally makes you go to him if you need something.  His offering of help is so rare that I didn’t know it existed until recently!  Min gets it!  Min (me awesome stepmom for those not in the know) will talk to me about it.  She reads my blog.  We can sit around and talk about my new, comfy mattress topper.  We can joke about my currently horrible position for the dating world.  We can get a good laugh in about it!  She knows I will do my best to remain safe.  My mom worries about all the same things, but we can talk about car living seriously and jokingly, and it’s understood.  I don’t think my dad truly understands.  He doesn’t know me that well, so maybe it’s really understandable, but it’s not like we don’t get along or anything.  My dad has an image to maintain, and what does it say to others when they know his daughter lives in her car?  This is where the whole selfish thing comes into play. 

So upon giving it all even more thought, this is my conclusion: I am selfish.  It is what has kept me alive.  It is what has kept my spirit going, always trudging forward.  My selfishness has kept my soul from sliding into dark places.  It has allowed me to become me.  Discovering who you are as a person is hard to do when surrounded by people and things and illusions of happiness.  I had given so much of myself in the past to those I thought would always be there for me, that I lost myself and became someone no one would want to be around.   It’s pretty pathetic when you think about it.  It’s taken me this long to figure this all out?  Ugh!  

Being able to do this for myself, living in my car and giving up all the vanities that were at my disposal, has helped me realize just how much is out there in the world.  There’s just so much to see and do!  It has also helped me realize that it is ok to do these things alone.  Of course I hope to not do everything alone!  When I’m ready there will be someone to share these experiences with, but for now it’s just me.  Sometimes it’s hard making myself try new things, because my mind begins to think about others’ opinions and what they think of me.  Yeah.  Sadly it happens.  Then I realize I don’t care what other people think of me.  I am a nice person.  I will go out of my way to help you if you ask.  I will offer to help when I can.  I am funny.  I can be overly goofy at times.  I’m sure I can be annoying.  Ok.  I know I can be annoying.  Sometimes I say things without thinking and sound like an idiot.  It happens occasionally.  Shush peanut gallery!!!  I think I am pretty.  That’s a hard one!  I’m working on it!  So anyway, it’s possible to be selfish and selfless at the same time.  You have to find your balance!  Everyone has a different balance, but it’s possible to achieve.  Work/life balances.  Love/work balances.   Family/work balances.  Everyone has their desired level of each that they feel balances them out.  Looks like I think about work too much.  :-/

As I sit here in my car writing this, I believe I have found a good, temporary balance.  It won’t last forever.  A wrench will get tossed into the system at some point.  It’s life!  It’s fleeting and delicate, and it can be a sadistic teacher at times.  For now I will focus on the little things.  The small bits of joy that can be shared with others.  I will continue working on bettering me as a whole so that maybe I can better others.  If I can make you smile or laugh then I feel it has been a good day!  So now I will end this with some pics that make me feel good, and maybe I’ll throw in a couple good laughs as well.  I need to close up for the night and get some sleep.  I wish you pleasant dreams and beautiful thoughts.  🙂

-Bonnie





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And There Goes An Hour Of Sleep…

Everyone loves a good time change, am I right? Maybe in the Fall. In the Spring, not so much. A glorious hour of sleep will be lost at 2 am, and it won’t be back for a while. It’s ok though! I’m good with it! More daylight in the evenings! Woohoo!!! I am a full on sun worshipper, and I love being outside when it’s warm. I’ll be out there when it’s hot too, although pools and bodies of water make the Texas heat quite a bit more bearable. So, for more daytime, I’m down with losing that measly little hour! 🙂

I know I haven’t written much lately. My home was in the shop all this past week, and I have been house/pet sitting the last couple weeks. It’s always strange being in someone’s home, and I hate trying to find things! I love being able to borrow their kitchen and cook up some good grub, but I hate having to open their cabinets and drawers to find cutting boards and utensils and all that fun stuff that makes cooking a little easier. I am more than happy to help out though and take care of someone’s home and furry family members. It’s very nice having the freedom to be able to do that!

Today was a pretty good day! Met a good friend for coffee before the gym this morning. Trainer tried to kill me again! Although I am not happy with my progress. I mean, I can see the difference, and I can feel the difference, but I am disappointed in myself. My trainer is awesome, and it’s totally not him! Don’t misread that I am unhappy with my trainer at all!!! I just know I can do more, and I constantly have mental battles with myself, and my weaknesses keep winning out. Especially over the past couple weeks. I know I am not eating right. The weather has been shitty. My mood has been shitty because of the weather. I haven’t been happy. I have been very lazy. Very lazy! It’s just straight down a steep hill on the roller coaster, and I need to make my way back up again. I need to get my head back on straight. It’s just frustrating to know what I was capable of before, and I can’t even do a quarter of those things anymore, and I just feel weak. I know it’s a long process. I know I won’t see changes overnight. But ugh!!!

Anyway, enough of that! You don’t really want to read about my gym time anyway! Mini me and her fellow cadets had their last competition of the season today. It was the championships, and they got second place! They were only .3 points behind first place.
😦 They did so well though!!! They were incredibly awesome!!!! I’m so proud of her!!!!!!! I’m so happy she has found something she loves doing, and she’s so good at it!!! She practices her butt off, and it shows!!! I love watching her do colorguard!
Angel pie, I love you so much!!!! You make me proud!!!!

Well, I am super sleepy!!! So with that I am going to attempt to get some sleep! I might dream of, well, that’s none of your business. 😉 Sweet dreams…

-Bonnie

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