Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Lovely Rafters…

Part IV

It’s hard to imagine how things went so sour
It had begun ever so sweetly
Until this the eleventh hour
For a lover of puzzles cryptics and codes
How did she not see
This pattern so bold
She had allowed this to happen
Every single damn time
Sweet whispers of nothings
I me mine
And she asked herself why do I give love so freely
Am I not worthy
Am I just wash rinse repeating
It would seem it was so
Like an ebb and flow
But how would she stop this insane way of living
And not think of rafters
Wounds forever seeping
Being alone brought freedom it’s true
But then you’re alone with yourself and you
Though there always seemed time for family and friends
Nothing split down the middle
No who what where when
Yet why did she yearn for a love never ending
Alone she would heal
Her heart happily mending
The confidence would build
And she’d think she was ready
To go out on the prowl
Drunken nights on the town
To wake up once again
Just her and her bed
Then one night he’d find her and take her back home
She’d fall and fall hard
Stupid woman you should know
She’d ignore the red flags
They’re nothing love can’t conquer
Oh but they would come back to haunt her
Two years three four
She could take it
What’s one five ten more
But those stabs in the back
And the constant attacks
And the lure of the rope from the rafters
The thoughts were so lovely
Pull up a chair it’s time honey
The knot pressing the back of her skull
But she just couldn’t do it
Stupid heart stupid stupid
As she began to slip out of her noose
A leg that had broken
(Just her luck and she knew it)
Gave way with a snap and came loose
Oh you dumb bitch
Tempting fate like this
How did you think this would go
One final gasp vision was fading
(I’d give this slip a five star rating)
Dangling from those rafters all alone

-Bonnie

Please note this is dark and not my true heart Although life is one hell of a teacher. False love is not worth it you don’t deserve this Please go to a counselor or preacher.

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I Feel Like Writing A Bit…

So I am chillin in the car. Just thinking. My stomach is making random noises like something out of an aliens movie. The wind is blowing as a Texas cold front continues to drop our spring-like temps back into winter reality. Although a Texas winter is like spring to the North. I am not apologetic about this. I like not having to step outside into weather that hurts my face. It’s nice! No negative thirties here! Woohoo!!! So 😛

I have so much randomness going through my head. Especially since stupid Valentines Day is fast approaching. It’s stupid, because I’m single. Not that I am really in a place in my life to start a relationship, but the thought is always nice. Can’t really bust out with a, “Hey baby. Why don’t you come back to my place?” Hahaha!!! Yeah! Like guys living with their parents aren’t a turn off!!! But you know, just because I’m not relationship worthy at the moment doesn’t mean that I don’t like to be hit on. I mean, really? And I’m sorry, but creepy, stalker guys that live in windowless vans don’t count! Oh sure we could share car living tips, but I will not be seeing what that shag carpet looks like in the inside. Nope! I will not get in your van thinking I’m helping you as you load a couch into it and push me to the back. I refuse to be a dress!!!!!!

Seriously though. This is where my self confidence thinks, wtf? I don’t need anyone else’s approval, but then again I do. It’s flattering when people are nice and hold open a door or they smile or say or start s conversation. But it’s so rare for me anymore. Am I ugly? I don’t think I am. I mean, I’m very far from Miss Texas pretty, but I don’t look like that chick from A League Of Their Own either. You know the one!!! Am I intimidating? I don’t really see it. I’m always smiling and trying to keep my body language open, but obviously I am doing it all wrong. Maybe I come off as a but stand-offish? Maybe guys don’t like women who can take care of themselves? Maybe I’m too tall? Maybe I’m too fat? Maybe maybe maybe!!!!!!! It’s enough to drive somebody insane!!! Hit on me dammit!!!!! Say hi! Use a GD pick up line you got off a gum wrapper! Anything!!!!

I need sleep. I’ll just be dreaming of an adventure I’ll most likely go on alone…

-B

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