I think we have all determined that I am a woman. At least according to science. But we won’t get into detail on that one. You’ll just have to take my word on it. 😉 I say that, because, I don’t know maybe it’s just me, but I really like reassurance. I mean, honestly, I need it. There are some people who thrive on being reassured about their performance or attitude or just in general. I like to know if I’m doing a good job or not. How am I to better myself or my processes if I don’t get feedback? How am I supposed to plan or improve if I don’t get acknowledgment???
I think it could possibly be a chick thing, but thinking about it over the last ten sentences makes me think it’s probably more universal than I give it credit. We all have some sort of insecurities, but we handle them differently. Personally I need to know. Deep down I know, but I need that assurance that it’s still there. I do this at work. I do this in relationships. I do this in my everyday life. It’s just part of being me. And it’s funny to think that I really, truly need that. I feel I am decently confident person, but there’s just that nagging in the back of mind. Like did I do a good job? Did I do a shitty job? Is there something I can improve to do a better job? What can I do for people to like me more? Does he really love me? Does she really love me?
Obviously those can eat at your psyche. I know I’d hear if I was doing a bad job. Right? So I assume I’ve done a good job. But it’s that uncertainty that starts feeding into your head like the Nothing, and besides, you know what happens when you assume. I know I am loved. So why do I need to hear it? Why is it necessary for me to get an audible affirmation to quench those doubts that shouldn’t even be there?! Why do I need to hear your thank you or good work or keep it up? My last post talks about how I like to make people happy. So is this tied together in some way??? Is my need to please only fulfilled when I hear that it has done some good? It’s funny the questions that can sink into your head when you take the time. I’m not entirely sure this is a good thing, but I do enjoy the questions. They are like doorways into yourself and others and help open up the why’s and how’s of things in life.
Maybe after all of this random thinking I only end up with more questions than when I started? I don’t really know if I am answering anything at all, but it does help me see myself a bit more. All I can do is grow and improve as I make my way through this existence. I mean, do I really need to tell myself I’ve done a good job so far, or can I keep the faith and become more than what I am currently am? I think I’m good! Until next time! 😙
-Bonnie
Seriously? That’s all I got! 😂😂😂
Bonnie’s Beach 🏖 
Girly-Woman (yes, Girly-Woman, a specifically chosen nomenclature for your current age and mindset) it is only natural for a person of your age, mental acuity and station in life to question their performance in all aspects of their lives at this point…….
You can’t help but wonder if there’s more that you can or should do with every situation, instance and/or issue that would improve the outcome in any and all aspects conceivable……and that’s a good thing…!
Keep it up……………….
Those are all qualities that make you the vibrant person you are and don’t think for one moment that those qualities go unseen by those you encounter by chance or interact with with reoccurrence……
In other words, you’re doin a bang up job…….!
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Thank you! As always your comment on my random thoughts is more appreciated than you could ever know! I guess that it’s good that I even wonder if I’m doin anything right, but I wish it wouldn’t leave me feeling so vulnerable. 😬
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Sounds like you are in need of a hug, so I am sending you a big one from both of us. You are very much loved battle, by me, Rebecca, the Goodfellow gang, Madi, your parents, and everyone else who knows you.
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It’s hard sometimes knowing that and having the dark shadows in the back of your mind whisper that no one loves you. Constant battle.
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