Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Lovely Rafters…

Part IV

It’s hard to imagine how things went so sour
It had begun ever so sweetly
Until this the eleventh hour
For a lover of puzzles cryptics and codes
How did she not see
This pattern so bold
She had allowed this to happen
Every single damn time
Sweet whispers of nothings
I me mine
And she asked herself why do I give love so freely
Am I not worthy
Am I just wash rinse repeating
It would seem it was so
Like an ebb and flow
But how would she stop this insane way of living
And not think of rafters
Wounds forever seeping
Being alone brought freedom it’s true
But then you’re alone with yourself and you
Though there always seemed time for family and friends
Nothing split down the middle
No who what where when
Yet why did she yearn for a love never ending
Alone she would heal
Her heart happily mending
The confidence would build
And she’d think she was ready
To go out on the prowl
Drunken nights on the town
To wake up once again
Just her and her bed
Then one night he’d find her and take her back home
She’d fall and fall hard
Stupid woman you should know
She’d ignore the red flags
They’re nothing love can’t conquer
Oh but they would come back to haunt her
Two years three four
She could take it
What’s one five ten more
But those stabs in the back
And the constant attacks
And the lure of the rope from the rafters
The thoughts were so lovely
Pull up a chair it’s time honey
The knot pressing the back of her skull
But she just couldn’t do it
Stupid heart stupid stupid
As she began to slip out of her noose
A leg that had broken
(Just her luck and she knew it)
Gave way with a snap and came loose
Oh you dumb bitch
Tempting fate like this
How did you think this would go
One final gasp vision was fading
(I’d give this slip a five star rating)
Dangling from those rafters all alone

-Bonnie

Please note this is dark and not my true heart Although life is one hell of a teacher. False love is not worth it you don’t deserve this Please go to a counselor or preacher.

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Let Me (Re)Introduce Myself…

Hi!

My name is Bonnie. I am a lover of the ocean, the mountains, the desserts, the forests, the grasslands, you name it! I am a bit of a sun whore who will probably end up dying from it (I know, terrible). I love food! I love cooking food! I love eating food! I love reading and writing and painting and speed skating and stand up paddling and climbing and hiking and drinking and challenges and cryptograms and making people smile and my daughter and my mom and family and friends who are family and friends who are friends. I realized this list could go on for far too long, so I’ll just stop there. But I’m pretty sure you get the idea. I do and love and enjoy a lot of things in life!

I am a believer in balance. I don’t necessarily follow any religions, but I do have my beliefs. I was raised Christian, and grew up going to small (like seriously teeny tiny) Christian schools until high school. Lemme tell ya! That was a shock to the system! I had never seen a locker before! No joke! My classes had maybe up to 21 people in them. Then I go to a school where I have to change rooms, and there are 300+ fellow classmates. It was strange not knowing everyone in my class or classes or anything. This was the end of my innocence for sure!!!

So, graduated high school with honors. Failed at my first attempt at college. Joined the Army. Got out of that early (story for another time). Married. Child. Divorced. Single mom. School from time to time. Married. Moved to Hawaii. Moved back to Texas. Divorced. Single mom. Child moved in with her dad. Alone. Stupid boyfriends. Lived in car. Lost friends. Moved into apartment. Really stupid boyfriend. Child moves back in. No more stupid boyfriend. Finally earned my AAS degree! Moved with child. Single mom again. Awesome boyfriend who was my first love from high school!!! Not joking!!! Thought he was dead honestly. 20 year HS reunion had me Google his name. There he was. Messaged him on FB. He messaged back. C’est la vie! Due to his request for privacy, I won’t be writing much directly about him. That’s about all you’re getting for now. 😉

Life is crazy for sure!!!!!

So, hi everyone! Even people who know me probably don’t know all of that, and it’s fun to share my randomness. I think that’s part of being human, passing down stories in general. Not that knowing more about me will do your life really any good, but it’ll help give you a base for any of my future posts. I had mentioned I believe in balance. That is a very huge part of who I am. Future posts will probably involve the misadventures of me trying to find my balance. I will do my best not to bore you, and fair warning: I have a crude sense of humor, and I swear a lot at times (especially if I’ve had a couple of adult beverages before I decide to write, or during, whatever), and I just want to make sure you know that before you get sucked in.

With that, I will try to get on here and write more often. This will be a sort of therapy for me like journaling. I may be brutally honest in some posts. Others might be pretty meh. The future holds so much adventure that I can’t wait to share with you!!!! Let’s see where we go!

-Bonnie 💙

That is my mini me. Life would be boring without her!!!! Love my amazing Angel Pie!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙

Yes. I do realize that is missing an “a”.

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Vaginas Suck!  Sometimes.  And Some Other Things…

So!  This post is for the ladies!  For the most part anyway. It is actually the product of a conversation I had with a friend earlier today, and she suggested I write about it.  So guess what!  I am!  For the guys who read this shit, you might feel at times, how can I put it, uncomfortable?  You might learn something.  Who knows!  You may find a great deal of humor in this one!  Hopefully the women reading this will see the humor!  Please see it!  😉

Some of us are currently, have, will be, have yet to, or will never go through again the joys of being a woman.  Every.  Single.  Month. Or like some, once every three months, or six months, or sporadically.  Now I won’t go into details, but I am pretty sure you are on the right track with what I am referring to.  Thank you Auntie. We know you love to visit, but we wish your visits weren’t so frequent and annoying.  It isn’t just the inconvenience of your visit, it’s the hormonal insanity you put us through!  The uncontrollable urge to want to eat everything!  The crazy sudden outbursts of anger due to the lack of patience!  The random crying during sappy commercials!  The insecurity.  The bloating. The sleepiness.  The headaches.  The discomfort.  The list goes on and on.  For some it is a walk in the park. For others it is hell.  Pure hell.  Picture this. You’re sitting around after eating a huge meal, and what’s that?  You’re still hungry?  Seconds please!  Then!  You need something sweet!  Bag of peanut butter cups?  Gone!  Glass of wine?  That bottle was excellent! Get my point?  And even after that you could still probably eat that half a cake sitting in the fridge.  On top of that, while eating until your stomach could quite possibly explode, that damn ASPCA commercial comes on!  Damn you Sarah Mclachlan!  Damn you sad animals with the big eyes!  Damn you all!!!  Catch my drift?

That’s not the only reason why vaginas suck at times.  You’d think that’s enough, but wait!  There’s more!  Take the workplace for instance.  You work in a very male dominated field.  You work with a bunch of guys.  Your sense of humor is probably far worse than theirs, but can you crack the same kind of jokes?  Oh hell no!  While the boys can crack jokes laced with immature, sexual humor, you do it and they look at you like you just said the words vaginal discharge. Yeah.  That face.  It is a gross word pairing, but I am just using it as a reference.  Let’s face it, no one likes to actually talk about THAT!  Then you complain about something or someone, and it is automatically assumed you are just bitching.  Whining.  Complaining. On the rag.  You name it. Automatically labeled as hormonal. Never fails.  No matter how much like one of the guys you may think you are, you still have a vajayjay, and it can never measure up in the length department.  

Now picture you work in a female dominant company. Oh the cattiness!  Not only does everyone sync up like a Fitbit to Bluetooth, but then you’re all hormonally out of whack!  Being bitchy and being catty really are two different things, but they aren’t separated by much.  Catty is a bit more behind the back.  They are the things you say to others about someone ranging from how much something is not in their job description to how that new girl’s haircut makes her look like a boy. Shit like that.  The bitchiness?  The things you say to that person.  To their face. That’s being a bitch.  And we ladies are guilty.  You would think we’d unite over our shared joys of reproductive organs, but nope.  It’s like we are constantly in some sort of competition for what we don’t know, and we can’t help it.  It just is.  It just happens.  Vaginas suck.  

Although there are plenty of times when they don’t.  I’m not going into any details.  Ladies, take a moment and think about those joys.  Aaaaaahhhhhh.  Much better.  🙂  Now quit bitchin about my lady post!  I kid I kid!   We ladies are pretty kick ass, and we know we are.  We definitely don’t need dingleberries to prove it!  Onto the other things…

So I decided not to rent that room.  There are a few reasons as to why, but it will just be better all around if I don’t.  I will continue with my original plan of back and forth between my mom’s and dad’s.  It will be better for the mini me as well since she will be close to her friends over the summer.  Definite plus!  This also means that my current living quarters will be moved out of my car in order to use it as it is intended.  Basically, I’ll be able to shuffle teenage girls around as needed.  Not a bad thing!   

Training has been going well.  Workouts have been changed up this month, and even though I am supposed to throw in a couple days of HIIT training a week on my off days, I have been entirely unmotivated to do it.  I have just been so damn tired the past couple weeks, and I know I need to get my ass in gear!  I don’t know why I am being so lazy with this, but I really need to be running every day at lunch again. At least a walk or something!  But I don’t wanna!  I know I should!  But I’m not.  I’ll get back into it.  Just currently in a bad slump.  I’ll pull through I hope.  Words of encouragement are welcome!!!!  🙂

Anyway, that’s the sort of the randomness that’s going on in my life.  I was asked why I was single by the old guy I spoke to about renting the room. I was also told I was a strange woman for not wanting a man to pay for everything and be taken care of.  Yeah.  Guess I’m strange.  No wonder I’m single!  Hahahahaha!!!!  

Alright!  I am off to bed!  And I got some more art done.  Nighty night!!!

-Bonnie

   
                 

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I Feel Like Writing A Bit…

So I am chillin in the car. Just thinking. My stomach is making random noises like something out of an aliens movie. The wind is blowing as a Texas cold front continues to drop our spring-like temps back into winter reality. Although a Texas winter is like spring to the North. I am not apologetic about this. I like not having to step outside into weather that hurts my face. It’s nice! No negative thirties here! Woohoo!!! So 😛

I have so much randomness going through my head. Especially since stupid Valentines Day is fast approaching. It’s stupid, because I’m single. Not that I am really in a place in my life to start a relationship, but the thought is always nice. Can’t really bust out with a, “Hey baby. Why don’t you come back to my place?” Hahaha!!! Yeah! Like guys living with their parents aren’t a turn off!!! But you know, just because I’m not relationship worthy at the moment doesn’t mean that I don’t like to be hit on. I mean, really? And I’m sorry, but creepy, stalker guys that live in windowless vans don’t count! Oh sure we could share car living tips, but I will not be seeing what that shag carpet looks like in the inside. Nope! I will not get in your van thinking I’m helping you as you load a couch into it and push me to the back. I refuse to be a dress!!!!!!

Seriously though. This is where my self confidence thinks, wtf? I don’t need anyone else’s approval, but then again I do. It’s flattering when people are nice and hold open a door or they smile or say or start s conversation. But it’s so rare for me anymore. Am I ugly? I don’t think I am. I mean, I’m very far from Miss Texas pretty, but I don’t look like that chick from A League Of Their Own either. You know the one!!! Am I intimidating? I don’t really see it. I’m always smiling and trying to keep my body language open, but obviously I am doing it all wrong. Maybe I come off as a but stand-offish? Maybe guys don’t like women who can take care of themselves? Maybe I’m too tall? Maybe I’m too fat? Maybe maybe maybe!!!!!!! It’s enough to drive somebody insane!!! Hit on me dammit!!!!! Say hi! Use a GD pick up line you got off a gum wrapper! Anything!!!!

I need sleep. I’ll just be dreaming of an adventure I’ll most likely go on alone…

-B

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