Bonnie’s Beach 🏖

My Life. My Experiences. My Love. My Words.

Apr 21

I Will Never Be A Good Wife – Part One

by oceangrrrl

I was thinking. Yeah I know.  Not much good comes from doing such things, but alas!  I was thinking!  Yes!  It happens from time to time!  Stop being a smartass!!!!  I dye my hair blond so people expect less of me. It’s not working though…

Anyway, I was thinking about the past, present and future.  It’s clear to me that I will never be a “good” wife.   It sounds a bit strange, but it makes perfect sense in my head.  The more I think about it the more I believe that I probably won’t ever get married again. I’m not saying I will never get married again, but it would take one hell of man to get me to voluntarily and happily walk down any sort of aisle ever again.  Like I said though, never said never.  😉

The more I think about it though, the more I realize that I need to find a best friend.  You know, someone who likes to play sports, go hiking, wants to travel, is open minded and accepting of others, likes to go to sporting events, drink beer, learn new things, try new foods, is kind to others, enjoys watching movies on the couch, loves going to beaches, willing to be an adult when necessary, will stand up for me if someone puts me down, will show that he loves me with small gestures, will hold my hand in public, will kiss my neck at random times, will be able to tell me he loves me with just a look, knows what it takes to be a man, won’t put me down, will listen to rather than attempt to solve my problems.  You know.   It’s pretty standard.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  It seems to  be pretty “typical guy-ish” to me.  But where the hell is this guy?!  Ugh!  

So, back to why I won’t be a good wife.  I will be more of a best friend than a wife.  I will be the one who wants to hang with the guys.  I will expect to do all the things I enjoy now without having permission.   I will not be inconsiderate of his feelings, but I will expect the same courtesies that I also bestow.  Chick friends?  No worries!  My guy friends?  I will still hang out with them!  He can join me!  That’s fine!  But I will not give up my friends to please his ego.  I will not cook dinner every night.  I will not clean up after you.  I will not be the only one doing housework.  I will help with fixing things around the house.  I have my own toolbox.  I don’t need no man, unless there are wasps around.  No smoking.  No dip.  Yes drinking.  Yes playing!  Let’s go play catch!  Let’s run an o stacke race together!  

WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GUY?!?!?!?!?!?!

I see joy and happiness and laughter in my future, but I don’t know when!  Will I still be able to do all these things by the time this guy comes around?  Should I just be making friends and not worry about it being anything more?  I don’t want to end up being alone, but geez!  Alright life, I get it!  My “need” to be with someone else is more of a want at the moment.  Yes!  I realize I am stil working on myself!  Yes!  I know I need to work on my balance!   Yes, I knots not that terrible being alone.  I know I know.  

So that’s part one.  I plan on adding more tomorrow.  Anyone know anyone to hook me up with for a blind date?  I’ll rob a cradle.  😉   Does not have to be my age (34).  Make it less than 50 though.  Just saying.  Remember that I mentioned a lot of action oriented activities above.  Good night and sweet dreams!  

-Bonnie 

         

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Apr 19

Uninspired

by oceangrrrl

i feel the urge to write, but at the moment I am completely uninspired as to what to write about.  Yes.  I do know I started this whole thing as a way to keep family and friends in the know about my whole car living situation. But this blog has turned into something more.  It has become a way for me to vent and humor and find myself and share my random experiences with others.  Whether my blog is popular or not, I understand not every post of mine will be enjoyed by the masses.  I have my mental breakdowns from time to time.  Trees can only bend so far sometimes before they crack and lose a branch.  But life goes on, and I can either grow new branches and learn from the experience(s), or I can wallow in sadness at the loss of one branch all the while blinded and not noticing the new growth around it.  

Life is a fragile thing.  So many highs and lows.  We all go through them. Some of us have lost or gained more than others.  I share a lot about balance and what my thoughts are.  I struggle to find my own balance while fighting gravitational pulls all around me.  It is a constant battle.  My theory is that the world is balanced whether we see it that way or not.  For every good deed there is a bad one.  For the light, there is the dark.  For the cold, the warmth and so on. Now, things may not be in perfect numerical balance, such as in the number of deaths and births, acts of love and hate, but it’s still a balance all the same.  We at times may teeter to one side or another, not realizing there are more than just two sides to everything.  There are gray areas that affect our balance continuously from little things we do everyday to the big things that come along once or twice in our lifetimes.  Balance is about choice, and the choice is ours, and of course, we are solely responsible for the choices we make. It’s hard.  Life is a big, fucking test.  

So the choice I am making about this post is a general one.  Perhaps a nonsensical sort of post that can be applied however you want. You may choose to no longer read it, and that is perfectly fine with me.  You may choose to read and dwell on it a bit and apply it to your current circumstances.  All I hope is that whatever I decide to write about today brings you some sort of joy.  Some joy in knowing that there is light somewhere.  Maybe it’s at the end of a tunnel?  Maybe you just need to flip on the switch?  Maybe you prefer the darkness for now, I hope not, but it’s your life.  I have no right to judge you as you have no right to judge me.  You may put me down to others or talk about my craziness as if you have done no wrong, and that’s fine.  I’m definitely not innocent of doing that.  I know I vent about others sometimes, and people piss me off from time to time, and I can say whatever I want to.  Most of the things I talk about are perceptions, and that does not make them truth.  It makes them catty.  I shouldn’t care what others think about me.  I should be a good enough human being as to where others wouldn’t think bad things about me, but even the best people have their haters.  Haters gonna hate.   😉

So now my post has just turned into a rambling mess of jumbled thoughts.  I am hoping there is a point to all of this, but it’s too early to guarantee it.  I’m still just typing away on my phone, in the bed of my mom’s truck, while laying out and soaking up some golden rays.  It’s nice.  There’s a cool wind blowing, and there are no clouds in sight.  Never mind. I see one cottonball in the sky.  :-/

Last night, a friend and I were texting back and forth.  She is stressing about losing a friendship, one that I feel was a bit toxic for her. She’s one of the sweetest people I know, and it bothers me knowing that I was probably the one who ruined it in a way.  Here is where life choices come into play.  Do you rekindle the friendship, knowing that it is going to cause you stress and unhappiness at times, or do you leave it as it is?  She has a huge heart, and I know it bothers her knowing someone doesn’t think it’s worth the time to be a true friend to her.  It’s tough.  I told her my thoughts on the matter.  I would allow it to remain over.  Trust me.  I have struggled with this same issue, and it wasn’t that long ago. I lost one of my best friends of 15 years.  Although our falling out was much more advanced in nature, I had to make the decision to be ok with dealing with an end to a friendship that ended up making me feel horrible about myself. It was the most toxic friendship ever.  It was friendship that lost the battle to his bruised ego and stubborn nature.  It hurt that someone I had spent so much of my life with didn’t feel the need to see past the hurts we had caused each other to maintain a friendship.  It wouldn’t have been the same, but we would have remained friends.  I miss him everyday.  I toss around the thought of contacting him at least once or twice a week.  It’s tough.  I try not to dwell on it, because all it does is bring sadness.  Anyway, enough about that.  It’s a tad depressing.  

Happy thoughts are what I would like to end this post on, but I don’t know where to go next.  Well, we did make it through some scary storms last night.  We survived the tornados!!!!    Woohoo!!!!  Alright.  I think my brain is done writing for the day.  I’m going to go enjoy a beer.  Ciao for now!!!  🙂

-Bonnie 

         

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Apr 14

Of Mice And Men And The Universe?

by oceangrrrl

So this should be a quick post tonight.  I was messaging with a coworker today when an ex boyfriend of mine logged onto the Skype world.  He and I have always kept in touch, and I couldn’t be happier for him as he just recently remarried. He and his new wife just got back from an amazing vacation.  I mean, it looked pretty damn amazing from all the Facebook posts!  So of course I send him a hello and how are you.  I find out he just recently bought a lake house that he is fixing up and yadda yadda yadda.  Ok. I’m fucking thrilled for you dude!  Now this is where my mind started wandering…

So the wheels are turning.  You’ll get that in a second.  And I am totally going to copy and paste it here, because I’m lazy like that!  😛

why do I continue to be with losers when I have dated nice guys in the past?

[10:18:27 AM] Bonnie Campbell: like, seriously

[10:18:34 AM] Bonnie Campbell: what the F is wrong with me?

[10:18:48 AM] Bonnie Campbell: so then ugly girls get the geeky guys and they buy a lake house and go on vacations

[10:18:52 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and here I am homeless

[10:18:59 AM] Bonnie Campbell:  and yet somehow people envy my lifestyle

[10:19:06 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I don’f effing get it sometimes

[10:19:31 AM] Bonnie Campbell: this world makes absolutely no sense

[10:19:54 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I just don’t understand

[10:20:08 AM] José E: well see now you know you are not ugly

[10:20:19 AM] Bonnie Campbell: ok

[10:20:21 AM] Bonnie Campbell: so I am not ugly

[10:20:28 AM] Bonnie Campbell: doesn’t necessarily mean I think I am pretty

[10:20:36 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I am ok

[10:20:42 AM] José E: who knows, i don’t worry anymore

[10:20:44 AM] Bonnie Campbell: kind of

[10:20:53 AM] Bonnie Campbell: well, I don’t worry about it

[10:20:59 AM] Bonnie Campbell: but it’s still just like, WTF?

[10:21:12 AM] José E: i know

[10:21:13 AM] Bonnie Campbell: baffling

[10:21:43 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I know things happen for a reason, I mean, we somehow find a way to apply some meaning as to why something happened to make us feel better about it, but still

[10:22:03 AM] Bonnie Campbell: the universe is like a big experiment

[10:22:22 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and we are all just individual mice in a maze trying to find cheese

[10:22:30 AM] José E: we are the experiment not the universe

[10:22:40 AM] José E: yes

[10:22:57 AM] Bonnie Campbell: and some of us can smell it, but we can’t seem to locate it because our brains are wired differently and we just get confused and then we’re lost and running in circles because that’s at least something we can do

[10:23:18 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I think I just figured out the universe

[10:23:26 AM] Bonnie Campbell: using mice and cheese analogies

[10:23:31 AM] Bonnie Campbell: I should blog about this


So there you have it!!!!  Life is just one big experiment!!!  We all go searching for our cheese, no matter what that cheese symbolizes, and we are always searching.  Always!  We never seem to be satisfied, and I think that is just the hardest part of it all.  Being happy with who we are and what we have.  


I watched a movie a couple weeks ago, and a couple things really stuck with me. First off it was “Into The Wild.”  An amazing and depressing movie.  The main character reminded me of myself a bit, although I am not nearly as selfish as he was.  But when he finally gets to end of his journey he writes something down that continues to haunt me.  “Happines is only real when shared.”  I am at the point in my adventure where I am enjoying being alone, because it lets me discover myself more. This is also a bit frightening, because I don’t want to be alone forever.  I enjoy spending time with people.  I mean, people who are genuine and don’t drive me nuts, but you get what I’m saying.  So now I need to be concerned about too much alone time.  Damn this balance thing sometimes!!!!  It’s ok.  I’ll handle it.  I will continue to find my balance until I can find someone who’s worth being unbalanced for.  For now, it’s my time to find me and be a better person for my daughter and family and friends.  Oh to be a mouse!


Good night dear reader.  Sweet dreams and love and harmony and cheese.   🙂


-Bonnie

   

       

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Apr 6

About Last Night…

by oceangrrrl

So I was so tired last night that I never even got to the part where my post matched my title.  Sort of a curtain/drapes thing.  I was sort of drifting in and out of sleep while typing; waking up to random letters entered on my post.  Random letters replaced with actual words and then sentences, only to find more random letters.  Yeah.  I was tired.  

So, after reading the responses to my responses to her email, I keep having the urge to correct her assumptions, but it’s just not worth my time or energy anymore.  So many ideas people get of others without ever actually getting to know them.  Stupid and outlandish, her assumptions of me are quite ridiculous and extremely biased, but whatever.  I’m done.  I’ve been extra friendly all week.  Actually, I haven’t really been extra anything. I’ve been nothing but me and treating her like a friend, although cautiously. 

Forgiveness is easy.  It really, truly is.  It’s the forgetting that makes moving on more difficult.  I don’t think one should ever forget a past hurt or pain or lie or wrongful action.  These things make us who we are.   There is always a lesson in there somewhere, but sometimes these experiences seem to be pointless.  Like a sadistic joke played on you by the universe, and at the time it feels like a knife through your heart.  Some people can pull the knife out and survive.  Some cannot. I would like to believe I have removed multiple knives.   Most self inflicted by my horrible choices.  Some from pure deceit.  Some from those I hold close to me.  They come in a variety of shapes and lengths.  Some hit deeper than others.  It’s the way life goes I guess.  Always a wise teacher, but some lessons are much harder to learn.  I am trying. 

So moving on is where I am at currently.  Although I might speak my peace in a face to face conversation in the future, but for now, :P.  It’s behind me.  I have one hell of a future to look forward to, and I am not about to miss it being stuck in the past!  What sort of life would that be?!

As far as the car living goes, I am house/dog sitting again until next Wed.  Which is fine at the moment, because I left a window cracked as a crazy rain/hail storm blew through this past Saturday night/early Sunday morning.  I had this crazy gut feeling that I needed to check my windows!  And what did I do?  I didn’t check them!!!  Ugh!  My fault!  Things are drying right now.  :-/

I do miss my car though.  That is the truth!!  I enjoy the bed, but it’s not mine.  I love being able to cook in a kitchen, but it’s not mine either.  I love having direct access to a bathroom and shower!  You guessed it!  Not mine!  I am only borrowing it.  🙂

So now with all that, I am off to bed!!!!  I am super sleepy again, and I am proud to announce I have not yet fallen asleep while writing this one!  I know it’s sort of a boring post, and I know I do way too much whining on here, but my whole blog is called Bonnie’s Blabber for a reason.  Anyway, I am off to bed.  Good night and sweet dreams!!!!

-Bonnie

  

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Apr 5

Forgive, Don’t Forget, Moving On…

by oceangrrrl

This last week was a pretty shitty one. Between my daughter’s step-mother and that drama and hating my job and just being on the low side of my roller coaster, I am super thrilled it’s over!  Things didn’t improve until Thursday evening when I grabbed some coffee with my best guy friend and caught up on the Walking Dead.  Friday morning was spent helping a friend of mine basically rip out every plant around her house.  We still have some work to, and it was a lot of work, but it was so much fun!!!!  I got to ride on the back of a motorcycle for the first time in my life!!!!  I am sure I had the craziest smile on my face while going around the neighborhood, but that’s because I was in frickin heaven!!!  Only makes me want one more now!!!!  Got my hair did after gardening, picked up my mini me, went to a Good Friday service at my dad and step mom’s church (which was absolutely terrible, I’m sorry Min, it just wasn’t my kind of service, but I’m glad I went!), went out for some dinner at a place I had never been, and just had a good night with family!  Friday was a great day! 

Saturday morning was training (awesome training session! Had me craving more!) and got the munchkin and headed down to my mom’s where my sister was visiting!  So we helped out with my mom’s garden and got the fence up and picked out as many frickin rocks as we could, along with glass and old, metal chunks.   Got some corn and bush beans planted, but it was getting dark and a storm was coming, so that all that was put out.  Saturday was just great!!!

Sunday was also great!!!  I’m not going to elaborate much more than that, because I was hoping to have been asleep for a long while now.  So with that I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter/zombie day!!!

Nighty night

-Bonnie

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Mar 31

Piece Of Mind

by oceangrrrl

So yeah.  It’s been a few days.  I could be going to sleep right now, but I’m writing this for you.  You know who you are!  😉

As a few of you know I ran my first official 5k this past weekend.  It was a pretty sad time of 40 minutes, but I passed plenty of people who started way ahead of me.  So that felt amazing!  Of course, I was also passed by plenty who started behind me.  Whatever, I did it, and I had a blast!!!  Plus there was finish line wine, not to mention the wine I had waiting for me in the car.  Little did I know that said wine’s ice was melting, leaking out of the cooler bag, and soaking my entire bed!!!  Thankfully I was staying at my mom’s that night.  So the next morning I had to pull my blankets and my new gel foam thing out of the car to wash and dry.  After all that, of course my home went quickly back to normal.  🙂  So things were ok on the homefront!

Next weekend on the 11th I am doing the Battlefrogs race!  It should be a blast!!!  Although that is going to be one busy day!!!   I am hoping to take my mini me and a friend’s mini me to the Main Street Arts Festival in downtown Fort Worth!!!  It is sooooooo much fun, and there are some truly amazing artists out there!  I am sure we will have a great day! MayFest will be coming up soon too!!!  I can’t wait!!!  Although as Madi gets older the more we just go for the fried Oreos, meat pies and vendors.  We still have fun, and besides, it’s tradition!  😉

So I am quickly fading out.  The wind is gusting through my cracked windows, and I hope there won’t be any freak showers tonight!  On that note, I wish you a pleasant evening and sweet dreams!  I’ll try to update you a bit more tomorrow.  I know this was a short one!

-Bonnie





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Mar 24

Sunshine and Selfishness

by oceangrrrl

Well, it’s finally Spring in Texas!!!!  Warmer weather has arrived!!!  It’s so nice being able to enjoy being outside and feeling the sun on my skin. I have missed it more than you could know, as I am a true sun worshipper and love soaking it up.  I’ll probably die from skin cancer or something, but you know what?  I couldn’t care less.  Oh I say that now!  I know you are all thinking, “Just wait until that actually happens and see if you retract that statement!”  And of course I wouldn’t!!!  If you know me at all, you know I am a sucker for some serious vitamin D production.  I will sweat profusely while reading a good book on a blanket at the park!  Yes!  I will!!!   Speaking of reading on blankets at the park in the sun, I really need to do that soon!!!  🙂

The warmer days are also a reminder that I will have to ditch my car living for a while until it cools back down in the Fall.  My plan was to rent a room during that time to keep expenses to a minimum, and I am not a fan of accepting assistance in the form of a free room offered by family.  The thought is very tempting due to my having my mini me over the Summer here and there, and I plan on accepting the offers given to me with humble and gracious thanks.  I will not take these offers lightly and plan on earning my keep during my free stays.  So with that being said, thank you mom and Mindy.  I will be bouncing between you both until cooler weather arrives.  Just let me know what you need done around the home fronts.  🙂  I love you both!

A strange thing happened last night.  I arrived at my “home spot” to find that my dad was at the office. I don’t think he left until 10 pm or so.  Texting with my dad is really not his forté. He is one who would rather talk on the phone.  Personally I hate talking on the phone.  Being the introvert that I am, I prefer writing.  It’s the easiest way for me to get my thoughts clearly out there in the world.  When I talk, I go full tard, and you’re never supposed to go full tard.  Ever!  Yes!  I am in the phone quite a bit at work.  It’s required to do what I do. Do I like it?  That’s a big nope!  But it has to be done, dammit!!!  Anyway, way off course there. So my dad drives by me.  At this point I had already closed up shop for the night.  There’s no way you would even know I was in my car.  You could walk up to my windows, shine a light wherever possible, and you still wouldn’t be able to see me.  So I texted him asking if he could see me.  No response.  Then I explained that I knew he didn’t like my staying in my car, but it was actually fun, and I enjoyed it. No response.  Hmmm.  No response later.  Nothing today either.  So of course this gets my wheels turning.  And when the wheels are turning there are a lot of negatives running through the gears.  So I came to the mental conclusion that I embarrass the shit out of my dad, and he probably feels I am being selfish by doing this to him and making him look bad by not just staying at his house this whole time.  It was offered when I started this whole thing, and it was declined multiple times.  Actually a strange thing for my dad to offer, since he normally makes you go to him if you need something.  His offering of help is so rare that I didn’t know it existed until recently!  Min gets it!  Min (me awesome stepmom for those not in the know) will talk to me about it.  She reads my blog.  We can sit around and talk about my new, comfy mattress topper.  We can joke about my currently horrible position for the dating world.  We can get a good laugh in about it!  She knows I will do my best to remain safe.  My mom worries about all the same things, but we can talk about car living seriously and jokingly, and it’s understood.  I don’t think my dad truly understands.  He doesn’t know me that well, so maybe it’s really understandable, but it’s not like we don’t get along or anything.  My dad has an image to maintain, and what does it say to others when they know his daughter lives in her car?  This is where the whole selfish thing comes into play. 

So upon giving it all even more thought, this is my conclusion: I am selfish.  It is what has kept me alive.  It is what has kept my spirit going, always trudging forward.  My selfishness has kept my soul from sliding into dark places.  It has allowed me to become me.  Discovering who you are as a person is hard to do when surrounded by people and things and illusions of happiness.  I had given so much of myself in the past to those I thought would always be there for me, that I lost myself and became someone no one would want to be around.   It’s pretty pathetic when you think about it.  It’s taken me this long to figure this all out?  Ugh!  

Being able to do this for myself, living in my car and giving up all the vanities that were at my disposal, has helped me realize just how much is out there in the world.  There’s just so much to see and do!  It has also helped me realize that it is ok to do these things alone.  Of course I hope to not do everything alone!  When I’m ready there will be someone to share these experiences with, but for now it’s just me.  Sometimes it’s hard making myself try new things, because my mind begins to think about others’ opinions and what they think of me.  Yeah.  Sadly it happens.  Then I realize I don’t care what other people think of me.  I am a nice person.  I will go out of my way to help you if you ask.  I will offer to help when I can.  I am funny.  I can be overly goofy at times.  I’m sure I can be annoying.  Ok.  I know I can be annoying.  Sometimes I say things without thinking and sound like an idiot.  It happens occasionally.  Shush peanut gallery!!!  I think I am pretty.  That’s a hard one!  I’m working on it!  So anyway, it’s possible to be selfish and selfless at the same time.  You have to find your balance!  Everyone has a different balance, but it’s possible to achieve.  Work/life balances.  Love/work balances.   Family/work balances.  Everyone has their desired level of each that they feel balances them out.  Looks like I think about work too much.  :-/

As I sit here in my car writing this, I believe I have found a good, temporary balance.  It won’t last forever.  A wrench will get tossed into the system at some point.  It’s life!  It’s fleeting and delicate, and it can be a sadistic teacher at times.  For now I will focus on the little things.  The small bits of joy that can be shared with others.  I will continue working on bettering me as a whole so that maybe I can better others.  If I can make you smile or laugh then I feel it has been a good day!  So now I will end this with some pics that make me feel good, and maybe I’ll throw in a couple good laughs as well.  I need to close up for the night and get some sleep.  I wish you pleasant dreams and beautiful thoughts.  🙂

-Bonnie





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Mar 18

Aaaaahhh.  Much Better!

by oceangrrrl

I’ve been back in the car this week, and let me tell you!   It is soooooooo so so so so so much better with a gel/foam mattress topper thingy!!!!  Why did I wait so damn long to get one?!?!   Stupidity!  That’s what it was!!!!  Full blown brain death!!!  Then I saw them at Costco.  It was as if a light from above was shining directly onto them!  Ok.  Maybe it was just a rogue ray of sunlight piercing through the translucent skylight.   You never know…  So I broke down and bought one!  😀

So, after being out in the field all day in OK, I am super exhausted!!!!!  I just wanted to write a quick note to share the joy about my recent home purchase!   I’ll get more in depth this week!  I promise!   

Off to bed I go!  Have a good night!!!!!

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Mar 14

Back To It!

by oceangrrrl

Well, I had better get ready to be back in the car!  After three weeks of house, dog and cat sitting, I have enjoyed the comfort of a bed, shower and privacy.  Now it’s back to gym showers and being aware of security driving by.  Thankfully the nights won’t be freezing, so the uvula should be happy.  🙂

Training is going well.  The added protein is definitely making a difference. Now if I could only get some sleep!  Let’s just say I haven’t been getting my 7-8 hours each night.  Sooooo sleeeeeeeepy. So I have a 5k on March 28th.  Then I am going to participate in a 15k obstacle race April 11th.  And just for fun, I’ll be throwing in a one mile beer run on May 1st!   These will be a fun way of seeing what I need to work on.  Woohoo!!!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick note about current happenings.  Not too much going on besides that.  I am off to sleep!  Good night and sweet dreams!!!

-Bonnie



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Mar 7

And There Goes An Hour Of Sleep…

by oceangrrrl

Everyone loves a good time change, am I right? Maybe in the Fall. In the Spring, not so much. A glorious hour of sleep will be lost at 2 am, and it won’t be back for a while. It’s ok though! I’m good with it! More daylight in the evenings! Woohoo!!! I am a full on sun worshipper, and I love being outside when it’s warm. I’ll be out there when it’s hot too, although pools and bodies of water make the Texas heat quite a bit more bearable. So, for more daytime, I’m down with losing that measly little hour! 🙂

I know I haven’t written much lately. My home was in the shop all this past week, and I have been house/pet sitting the last couple weeks. It’s always strange being in someone’s home, and I hate trying to find things! I love being able to borrow their kitchen and cook up some good grub, but I hate having to open their cabinets and drawers to find cutting boards and utensils and all that fun stuff that makes cooking a little easier. I am more than happy to help out though and take care of someone’s home and furry family members. It’s very nice having the freedom to be able to do that!

Today was a pretty good day! Met a good friend for coffee before the gym this morning. Trainer tried to kill me again! Although I am not happy with my progress. I mean, I can see the difference, and I can feel the difference, but I am disappointed in myself. My trainer is awesome, and it’s totally not him! Don’t misread that I am unhappy with my trainer at all!!! I just know I can do more, and I constantly have mental battles with myself, and my weaknesses keep winning out. Especially over the past couple weeks. I know I am not eating right. The weather has been shitty. My mood has been shitty because of the weather. I haven’t been happy. I have been very lazy. Very lazy! It’s just straight down a steep hill on the roller coaster, and I need to make my way back up again. I need to get my head back on straight. It’s just frustrating to know what I was capable of before, and I can’t even do a quarter of those things anymore, and I just feel weak. I know it’s a long process. I know I won’t see changes overnight. But ugh!!!

Anyway, enough of that! You don’t really want to read about my gym time anyway! Mini me and her fellow cadets had their last competition of the season today. It was the championships, and they got second place! They were only .3 points behind first place.
😦 They did so well though!!! They were incredibly awesome!!!! I’m so proud of her!!!!!!! I’m so happy she has found something she loves doing, and she’s so good at it!!! She practices her butt off, and it shows!!! I love watching her do colorguard!
Angel pie, I love you so much!!!! You make me proud!!!!

Well, I am super sleepy!!! So with that I am going to attempt to get some sleep! I might dream of, well, that’s none of your business. 😉 Sweet dreams…

-Bonnie

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